


It's the Long Winded Winters that Take Your Life

by thesassmaster



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: All the Niall bromances, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Harry what did you do?, Harry/Kendall relationship, Hurt Niall, Lots and lots of brotherly love, M/M, Making Up, One sided Nouis, Protective Liam, Protective Louis, Protective Zayn, That doesn't make him a stalker, Zayn likes to watch people, breaking up, mentions of Zerrie - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-12-12
Updated: 2015-05-07
Packaged: 2018-01-04 11:00:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 47,934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1080227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesassmaster/pseuds/thesassmaster
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zayn isn't a stalker, really he's not! He just likes to watch people. His favorite people to watch are Harry and Niall because they're cute and perfect and totally in love and they make Zayn feel all warm inside.<br/>He's got a good deal going -- front row seats to the best show on earth until the deal he's got isn't so good after all because Harry can be really dumb sometimes and when Niall gets hurt they all feel the aftershocks. Zayn decides he isn't a fan of watching Harry and Niall fight but he'll do whatever he can to help fix it, oh and can somebody please tell him who exactly is Kendall Jenner?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so this is basically me venting about the whole 'Hendall' thing that's going on right now. I mean why does December have to be so mean to us Narry shippers, huh? That's what I want to know!  
> I don't have anything against Kendall, I'm sure she's a lovely person but for the sake of the story she isn't...yeah.
> 
> This is all from Zayn's POV, thought it'd be different and kinda fun. It kept getting longer and longer so I split it up, the first bit is an intro into how Zayn sees Niall and Harry's relationship and then it'll pick up from there.
> 
> The title is from the song 'Window' because again, December is always a tough one on us all. Stay strong friends, chins up, charge the mountain! xxx

Niall and Harry kind of have this magnetic field around them that pulls people towards them, draws them in and keeps them there indefinitely.   


Zayn is one of those people, one of the many, who's found himself falling victim to the unrelenting pull of Niall and Harry and the love they share and he's glad for it.  likes how it tugs at him, reels him in till he's safe inside and likes how it warms him in a way that lets him know he doesn't have to leave anytime soon if he doesn't want to. That's probably Zayn's favorite part, their safety and warmth.

 

Everybody feels that pull towards them; towards Niall and Harry but Zayn thinks he might enjoy it a bit more than most.

 

He knows he isn’t the only one who does it though. Isn’t the only member of the One Direction family, immediate or otherwise, that does it, but he is however the sneakiest about it. Some of the others are really obvious but Zayn never is. He knows the trick, to be doing something else, have something in front of him that can ‘distract’ him, so he looks busy even if he really isn’t. Some of the sound guys or the makeup team or even Louis and Liam simply stop what they’re doing, halt their movements completely and just stare. Zayn remembers one time before a show when they were still on the European leg of their tour, Ashton and Luke just plopped down, cross-legged on the floor in front of the couch and stared at the pair curled around each other sleeping on one of the couches in their dressing room…that was creepy. Zayn doesn’t do that. He’s a bit like a ninja in that regard.

 

It’s hard to help it though, he knows he’s tried, everyone has. It used to just happen but now that he knows that it calms him down and helps ground him, makes him feel good again when he just wants to hide he’s gone out of his way to be near them between concerts or before interviews.   


Zayn likes to watch Niall and Harry…and no, not in a creepy kind of way, he would never watch them having sex or anything but he just…it makes him smile watching how they interact on and off stage. He loves seeing how they are with each other when they’re surrounded by a dozen pairs of intent eyes, or when they’re all alone. Zayn loves how Harry’s so gentle with Niall, and how Niall’s like a little puppy always nipping at Harry’s heels. How Harry becomes this goofy, bumbling idiot when Niall gives him that particularly blinding smile or how Niall really is an actual ray of sunshine, a beautiful, glittering ball of light and Harry’s just content to soak up the sun.

Sometimes Perrie teases him that he loves 'Narry' more than he loves her which isn't true he just, is maybe a little addicted to how they are with each other.

 

So if his eyes follow them a little more than is strictly necessary what does it matter? Everybody does it; he is  _not_  the only one. Even people who are simply speculating about Niall and Harry’s relationship do it, watch them, but Zayn is one of the lucky few who does know, for certain that they are very much in love so he uses his sketchbook as a shield and sits off to the side when Niall tackles Harry to the floor of the bus. And averts his eyes after a few seconds when Niall starts nipping at the edge of Harry's mouth till his lips part and Niall slips his tongue inside with a triumphant squeal, swallowing Harry's laugh. He always turns away when tongues get involved, they deserve a little privacy after all.

There’s just something about the two of them. Something about how they are together that fascinates him. Maybe it’s that he witnessed it all as it happened, from the very beginning he watched as it grew into something beautiful. Zayn and the others had front row seats as Harry fell in love with Niall on the set of the X Factor, then later watched as Niall finally got the hint, and fell right back, landing safely in Harry’s open arms.   


Or maybe it’s that they’re his best friends and he’s happy because they’re happy. 

 

They’re  _that_ couple. 

 

The couple that people want to be like and strive to emulate; who people want to be around all the time, they just radiate good vibes and happiness and love and sometimes Zayn just sits near them and laps it up simply because he can. 

 

He stands off to the side of the stage, they’re playing Brisbane tonight and Zayn’s just enjoying the show. Sound check has just wrapped up and Zayn was going to go see if he could catch a power nap before they had to get ready for the show but he noticed that Niall had lunged at Harry which Zayn knew meant he wasn’t ready to go yet, and of course Harry indulged him because when had Harry ever denied Niall _anything_?

Zayn watched as Niall extended his arm to the taller boy, who grabbed Niall’s hand and pulled Niall’s smaller body into his and began spinning them around the stage, big and exaggerated and Niall’s infectious laughter echoed through the arena and Harry’s smile was catching, as it made its way onto Zayn’s face as well. 

 

He laughed out loud, knowing the two dweebs swaying on the stage wouldn’t notice, Harry dipped Niall backwards before, of course, losing his balance and toppling both of them over. Landing on top on the blonde with an ‘oomph’ and Niall just laughed harder. He felt his stomach swoop as Niall looped his arms up and around Harry’s shoulders, as Harry’s face softened completely, looking at Niall with this expression of such pure, undiluted love and adoration that it made Zayn miss Perrie so much it hurt. 

 

It made him jump when Lou came up behind him, “Hey Z-Trick,” she said, happy and light and he stumbled back into one of the amps, feet tangling in the wires. 

 

“You are so creepy,” Lou teased him, as she looked around some of the staging to see what Zayn was looking at, smiling knowingly at him when she saw Niall and Harry sprawled out of the stage, now rolling around so Niall could sit up on Harry’s stomach, tall and proud like he’d just conquered the world.

 

“I can’t help it,” Zayn said with a shake of his head and a shrug of his shoulders. And he actually really couldn’t but he knew Lou understood because sometimes when they were both missing home they would sit together watching Niall play with Harry’s curls as Harry dozed against his shoulder. “They make me…feel-”

 

“I know,” she said to him with a smile, that motherly smile she has, “Me too Zaynie,” And Zayn knew without her saying it that Harry and Niall made her feel safe too.


	2. The Twenty First of November

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They were back in America for the AMA’s plus a few other engagements when the proverbial shit hit the fan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so it begins...let me know what you think!

Zayn knows Niall and Harry aren’t perfect, even though he’d like to believe that they are. They aren’t, and they do fight, sometimes, barely ever but still it happens. And when it happens it’s always awful. Zayn first notices the tension on the 19th but nothing becomes of it until two days later. 

They were back in America for the AMA’s plus a few other engagements when the proverbial shit hit the fan.

 

Zayn doesn’t know for sure what’s going on but it didn’t take a genius to know that something was bothering Niall.

...

He had first taken note of it when they were getting ready for the interview they were doing earlier in the day and then again in the car when Harry tried to start a conversation with his boyfriend only to be stared at blankly for a few seconds then have Niall turn away, promptly ignoring the younger boy for the remainder of the car ride. Nobody dared say anything after that.

 

Zayn figured they were having a tiff which he obviously didn’t like, nobody liked when Harry and Niall fought but he knew it wouldn’t last long, it would blow over soon enough and they’d be back to being  _NiallandHarry_  before anyone could notice they ever stopped.

He remembered Paul saying that they had the rest of the night to do whatever they wanted so naturally Zayn expected Niall and Harry to go out to eat or something because that's what they always did. So it was a bit of a shock when Niall stormed into Louis’ hotel room where Louis was trying to get Liam and himself into Homeland, his latest addiction.

 

The first red flag was the  _way_  Niall came into the room. He stormed, Niall didn’t storm anywhere. He barely ever did things with even the barest  _hint_  of an attitude because Niall Horan was the most chilled out, lax person you’d ever meet, so when and if he did storm, there had to be a reason for it.

The second red flag was that he looked like he’d just taken a few cheap shots to the gut; his face was red and his eyes looked like he’d been holding in tears, his bottom lids damp and swollen. That right there was enough for Zayn because he’d  _ruin_  who ever made his little Nialler cry.

The third red flag was the most obvious. And was probably the one that worried him the most and it was that Harry wasn’t behind him. Which meant Harry wasn’t around at all because Niall was never without Harry, his curly haired, long limbed shadow. 

 

And then Louis was springing into action because nothing got to him, or any of them quite like an upset, out-of-whack Niall.

 

Louis was on his feet, looking at Niall like he already knew what was going on but Zayn didn’t, he looked to Liam to see if he was just as lost as he was, but he couldn’t really tell because Liam just looked like he was ready to strangle someone, whoever they were for putting that frown on Niall’s typically happy face.

 

Niall walked straight into Louis’s open arms, burying his face in the collar of the oldest boys t-shirt and Zayn stopped himself from getting up from his place on the couch and making it a group hug. There was just something in the way Niall was clinging to the fabric of Louis' shirt that told him he needed the older boy right now, rather than a pig pile.

 

"It's alright Ni, hey it’s okay," big brother Louis to the rescue! And Zayn watched, bottom lip worried between his teeth, as Niall began shaking his head back and forth against Louis' collar bone, blonde tips clinging to the stubble on the underside of Louis' chin and jaw. 

 

"He went out with her," Niall whimpered and Zayn saw Louis tense before his arms flexed tighter around the younger boy. 

 

 _Her_...who's her, why is there a  _her involved_? A dozen questions ran through Zayn's mind, with no clue how to phrase them or even approach a subject that upset Niall so completely, he stayed silent. But vowed to himself to make her and Harry sorry they'd ever reduced Niall to tears.

Louis kept shushing him, rubbing comforting circles into Nialls’ back; this side of Louis was always so nice to see even though seeing Niall in this state wasn't nice in any capacity. 

 

Liam clearing his throat drew Zayn's attention back to the situation before him, "Who exactly is her?" The daggers Louis sent at Liam over Niall's head made Zayn damn glad he wasn't the one who asked that question. Liam shut up fast.

 

Niall hiccupped as he started to pull away from their eldest band mate, but Louis was having none of that, tutting at him as he pulled him back in, and Niall burrowed back into his neck like he was sorry he ever thought about leaving. Louis backed them over to the couch, sat them down and Niall quickly moved into Louis' lap, curling against his chest like a child, tucking his legs into himself and Zayn couldn't remember a time when he'd seen Niall look so small.

 

And it had nothing to do with the tight ball he'd curled himself into.

 

"Kendall," Niall said, voice strained and Louis just tucked him in closer as the tears came faster. But Zayn didn't know who that was, Liam made a face like he was going through every single person they knew, in his head to see if the name rang any bells, the shrug of his shoulders told Zayn that it didn't. 

 

Though he'd venture a guess that whoever this Kendall was, it was who Harry was out with, the girl who'd made Niall break down like this.

 

"Hush baby, shh please you'll make yourself sick," Louis whispered to him as he nuzzled his temple. Zayn felt awkward and out of place, he wanted to help but at the same time he had no idea what to do. He watched as Liam went to the little kitchenette, grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge before setting up the coffee pot to make some hot water for tea. Zayn figured Liam had the right idea, he went to the closet and got the extra blankets and pillows so the three of them could snuggle Niall till all his tears dried up.

 

He nearly collided with Liam on his way back into the living area, placed a hand on his best friends’ broad chest to stop him from moving back into the room when he heard Niall's watery voice pick up again.

 

 Zayn knows, unlike Liam, when not to interrupt a conversation, but he's always been more skilled at the waiting-watching-watching-waiting business than Liam, his younger friend has a lot of learning to do. He put a finger to his lips, Liam didn't make another sound as they listened to what Niall was saying.

 

"I'm losing him Lou," Niall gasped through a sob and Zayn didn't have to be in the room to know what Louis' face looked like. Murderous with a hint of heartbreak mixed with a whole heck of a lot of resentment for his curly haired best mate. Zayn and Liam turned to each other and he saw the exact same expression on Liam's face, Harry was in for it, that much was for sure.

 

"No Niall stop that, you stop that right now okay,"

 

"I-I-I c-can't! It's, its t-tru-true," Niall's speech was all cut up and choppy due to his frequent sobs and violent hiccupping, "He's b-been t-t-texting her s-so so mu-much and he has her num-n-num-number and they, they, they talk all the time. And he went out w-w-wi-th her, even, even th-th-tho-though I ask-ke-d-d him n-n-not to."   


 

And apparently Liam had had enough because he pushed past Zayn, back into the room with a purpose. Zayn saw him sit himself down on the coffee table in front of the pair on the couch, placing the water bottle down for later, Zayn followed him with his arms full of blankets as Louis began speaking again. 

 

"You know he doesn't like her like that baby," Louis sighed and the tenderness in his voice was debilitating. "She's just a publicity stunt, you've gotta trust him." And Zayn wondered why he was trying to get Niall to believe that when it was so obvious that Louis had doubts of his own.

 

From what he'd gathered so far, it seemed this was another one of managements' schemes to make more money, boost profits. They aren't bad people really; they just want the boys to be at the top and stay there for as long as possible, that's why Harry and Niall put up with it, that's why they all do. But this is different. Niall never reacted like this when Taylor was involved but then again none of them ever really liked her, that made it easier. Niall knew Harry didn't have feelings for her, so it never fazed him when they spent time together. But this...who was this chick and what did she have, what was she doing that had Niall so out of sorts?

 

What was it about her that made Niall doubt what he and Harry shared?

 

"Management didn't plan this," Niall breathed against Louis' tan skin. His voice was even but he sounded so damn hurt, so completely devastated that Zayn had to blink away tears of his own.

 

"I'm confused," Liam said under his breath but they all heard it. Louis huffed and Zayn moved closer to Liam on the table top when Louis sent him a glare. It wasn't Liam's fault that all this was happening.

 

"Kendall, as in Kendall Jenner is the girl management wants Harry to start seeing around to create a buzz. Press for the album and all that. But he's been going out of his way to talk to her and now see her, like tonight," Louis shot his eyes down to indicate at the blonde in his arms, "Apparently management didn't arrange this, they weren’t supposed to be linked until the AMA’s and then again when we go back to New York…”

 

Niall picked his head up, wiping his nose on the sleeve of his sweatshirt a bit more viciously than was necessary. "This was all Harry," then he started attacking his eyes with his fingers and Zayn was worried he might scratch his corneas, not that Niall seemed to care.   


 

"He's been texting her ever since we got back from Australia, non-stop it's like I don't even exist," and then the tears started again and Louis was forcing his blonde head back under his chin. "Did I d-do s-some-som-thing wr-wrong, did I-I not l-l-lo-ve him enough," he squeaked as his body shook under the force of his sobs.   


And there it was. Harry was pursuing this Kendall character without management having to tell him to. That to Niall obviously meant genuine interest, like he wasn’t enough because something better came along. 

 

Louis just kept kissing the top of his head, mumbling nonsensical things against messy blonde hair, Zayn felt like crying seeing Niall like this, watching Louis’ eyes fill with tears for their precious, heartbroken leprechaun.

 

The three of them just looked at each other, helpless because how were they supposed to fix this. This was Harry’s job; Harry always took care of stuff like this, not that it happened often but when Niall had that rare bad day, it was Harry's arms he found comfort in, Harry's chest he always burrowed into, Harry's low voice he longed to hear because Niall was Harry's to take care of, to love and cherish and protect. Harry was never  _not_ around for Niall when Niall needed him, this was just...a problem in and of itself. Zayn really had no words for this whole thing. 

 

But he knew Harry had to be the one to fix this but how can you fix something if you don’t even know it’s been broken. If Harry's going to be clueless about his part in all this there really won’t be anything he'll be able to do when he finally comes back around.

 

So, for lack of a better method, they wrapped Niall up in the blankets they’d gathered, built a fortress of pillows and cushions on the couch and held him tight. They took turns rubbing his legs or his head or holding his hand but Niall never left Louis' warm embrace, like a baby koala that wouldn't be moved. Liam found Despicable Me on a movie channel, thinking that maybe something silly would make Niall forget (he only smiled once and it didn't last long enough to matter,) hoping and praying to whoever would listen that this would help their friend, all the while knowing, it wasn’t doing a single damn thing.


	3. "You guys seen Niall, he wasn't in our room."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You guys seen Niall, he wasn't in our room."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Harry you wanker!

Zayn had  _never_  seen someone cry like that, but then again he’d also never seen someone love their partner quite like Niall loved Harry. Louis was right, Niall did end up making himself sick, he cried so hard and so violently that he gave himself a stomach ache, made himself throw up. Everything he ate that day, which according to Louis wasn’t very much. He’d been so upset about Harry taking up with someone else that he wasn’t even eating properly. 

 

Zayn had issues; Zayn had some  _huge fucking_  issues with this whole thing.

But he was happy that Niall was in the bathroom still, brushing his teeth and washing his face after crying so much and then getting sick because when Harry came swinging into the room, he didn’t think Niall was quite ready for that yet. No, Niall wasn’t a child, he could handle stuff, handle himself but right now all bets were off, and he’d finally calmed down, barely but still. 3 hours of non-stop bawling, hysterics if you will, he needed a break and being around Harry right now would be the exact opposite of that.

 

They all stiffened when they heard the key card in the door, hoping it would be Paul because couldn’t hurt to hope right? It obviously wasn’t Paul and again Zayn was just glad Niall wasn’t in the room. He didn’t need to see this, see what it turned into. Maybe they could get him out before Niall even knew he came round.

 

Harry had on this completely innocent, care free expression, like he hadn't just totally gutted his boyfriend by going out to dinner with somebody else, somebody that wasn't Niall. But instead like he had had a pretty decent evening, well good for Harry! 

It's what he said though that made Zayn's fingers curl into the couch cushions to keep himself from doing anything stupid.

 

"You guys seen Niall, he wasn't in our room." As if he really didn't know that Niall came running here for comfort, spending majority of the night in utter pieces, crying his eyes out, blaming himself for Harry going out with someone else, like it was on him, something he did wrong. "Did he end up going out?" 

 

Louis stood up from the couch so fast Zayn thought he might've broken something. The look in Louis' eyes reminded Zayn never to do anything to get on his bad side. Nobody could match that Doncaster fire. Harry took a step back as his best friend rounded on him, actually had the decency to look frightened and maybe even a little guilty.

 

"No, he didn't 'go out' Harry," Louis spat at him; Harry took another step back, "Because he spent the night here, with us. Poor thing cried his eyes out for a good 3 hours before I finally managed to settle him down. He's gone to wash up before bed, get the taste of vomit out of his mouth because he cried so hard he made himself sick and in case you were wondering he's staying here with me tonight because I'm sure as hell not letting him anywhere near you." 

 

Harry looked stunned but a little worried, not that that let him off the hook because it totally didn’t. “He’s sick,” Harry muttered, “He hates getting sick, is he okay...I should’ve been here.”

 

The three boys just looked at him; Louis stared at him like he didn’t even recognize the person standing in front of him even though it was his best friend. He scoffed and Zayn knew this wasn’t going to be good.   
 

“Yeah Harry you  _should’ve_  been here, if you were he wouldn’t have even gotten sick in the first place because you leaving is the reason he got sick to begin with. You went out with Kendall Harry, even though he asked you not to, it’s your fucking fault he didn’t stop crying all bloody night and you’re just worried that he threw up! Honestly Harry, really out of everything you should be more worried that you might not have a boyfriend anymore, you should be worrying about how you're _possibly_  going to fix this! He’s so fucking upset Harry,” Harry didn’t say anything and Louis wasn’t stopping. 

 

“Why’d you go out with her tonight,” the oldest boy hissed. Harry shrugged his shoulders and Zayn shook his head at him while Liam sneered on the other side of the room. “You two weren’t supposed to be rumored together till Friday at the very earliest. But you just had to go out tonight didn’t you, 2 days earlier because you just couldn’t fucking wait another goddamn second! Was it too good to pass up?

 

“Hm, Harry was that it, could you not contain yourself any longer or could you just not _wait_ to get away from Niall? Niall who loves you so fucking much, who absolutely adores you, who can’t get enough of you…Niall your boyfriend, ringing any bells here Harry or does he mean that little to you? How could you treat him like that, he knows what this thing between you and Kendall is, or is going to be and he gets it but you didn’t have to ignore him, or push him aside, disregard him like he’s just another face and not the perfect adorable goofball he is. He's your boyfriend Harry, he should mean more to you than she does, especially since you hardly known her a month now! Niall's supposed to be the center of your universe and now all of the sudden he isn't! I don't care how pretty she is Harry, it doesn't excuse this, you can't just treat him like this! What's the matter with you, you absolute wanker!" 

 

Zayn could see he wasn’t going to let up so he stood up from his place on the couch and started pulling Louis back, not because Harry deserved a break but because Zayn saw the way Harry’s heart was breaking, it was all over his face, clear in his watery green eyes. Maybe Harry didn’t know what he’d done, didn’t know how his actions could be taken the wrong way, how they could potentially hurt the person he loved most in the world but he  _was_  sorry, and it was quite obvious how much he regretted it.

The tears streamed down his flushed cheeks, and Zayn knew that even if he didn’t know originally what he was doing that he was sorry now, sorry for hurting Niall, “I didn’t, I didn’t know he was…oh my god, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

 

Liam’s voice cut through the tension, speaking for the first time, “Don’t apologize to us mate,” but as he said it he moved to stand in front of the bedroom door that was still shut. Blocking Harry’s only path into the room with his body, blocking Harry’s way to Niall, like Liam standing there could keep Niall safe. Here's to hoping.

 

And then Zayn found his voice, “What is it with this Kendall girl Harry, what made you want to go out with her tonight instead of later this week? I mean why couldn't you just wait a couple more days?” Harry just shrugged his shoulders, Zayn knew he didn't have an answer to that, not a good one at least. He watched as Harry shoved his hands in his pockets before taking them back out again, rubbing at his eyes. He began fidgeting around as the others just stared at him. 

 

Then as if a switch was flipped inside him he started wrestling his way around Louis and Zayn trying desperately to get to the bedroom, to Niall. 

 

“Let me, I-I have to see him, I have to fix this,” Harry started freaking out, shoving at them and swinging his arms and then Liam grabbed him around his middle, picking him up and Harry began kicking his legs, flailing about frantically. It was awful to watch, Harry going berserk like this but Zayn knew that none of them were going to let him see Niall, not tonight, after all this there wasn’t a snowballs’ chance in hell of him getting into that room.

 

“Please,” Harry started yelling but Liam’s grip didn’t let up, “I-I…Niall please,” and then Louis was in his face, grabbing at the front of his shirt to shake him around. 

 

“Harry, Harry, stop it, stop, stop," and Louis’ voice wasn’t harsh or cruel it was just kind of tired, sad maybe. “He needs to rest; please just…you can see him tomorrow.”

 

And Harry opened his mouth to protest but Louis just held up his hand, “Not tonight Harry, he’s had enough,” and Zayn looked at Louis then, closely and saw all the animosity that wasn’t in his voice in his eyes. It had turned his eyes a stormy dark blue and Zayn knew they all just needed to sleep. Niall being sad and Harry being careless and then regretful, the dynamic duo being at odds the way they were left all of them feeling drained, this had taken its toll on everybody, Niall worst of all, obviously.

 

Harry started to walk away, turned to leave before stopping mid step, turning back around to look at each of them, and there was such desperation in his eyes that Zayn felt his chest tighten, it got a little harder to breathe and he wondered if the others felt it too.

 

“I-” Harry started but Louis cut him off again.

 

“Don’t Harry, please just go, go and get some sleep,” But Louis didn’t push Harry back when Harry took a step towards the door. And Zayn didn’t make a move to stop him and Liam didn’t get in his way. Harry didn’t try to open the door though, figuring that Niall was inside and maybe even listening he pressed his forehead to the surface, hands splayed against the dark wood that separated him from the blonde Irishman.

He turned his head to the side, Liam looking wary and unsure right next to him, placed a hand on Harry's shoulder to urge him to say what he needed to say. Sure Liam was pissed too but he was never one to take sides. He was always good at remaining mostly unbiased when there were rifts within the band. Liam was the voice of reason, thank goodness for that!

"I can't let him go to sleep angry Liam I just can't-" and Liam nodded with a sigh before cocking his head towards the closed door.

 

“Niall, sweets,” Harry’s voice cracked and Zayn didn’t think he imagined the small sob that sounded from the opposite side of the door. “I don’t know if you’re listening or if you even care to hear what I’ve got to say. But...baby please, I’m sorry I just…I need you to know that I’m sorry. I'm an awful person, an awful boyfriend because I haven’t been treating you right and I know I’m the last person you want around right now so I’ll respect that. I’ll go and I’ll leave you be, the boys will take care of you tonight," and Liam rubbed his back to let Harry know that  _of course_  they'd take care of him. 

"And I promise Ni, I  _will_  fix this tomorrow," Harry took a deep, shaky breath; Zayn could tell he was crying by the hitch in his breathing, tears silently streaming down his face. “I love you Niall, I love you more than anything," and Zayn was sure that Harry was well aware that he’d screwed up but at least he wasn’t going to let it get worse. It was a step in the right direction. 

Granted a small step but it was a step all the same.

 

Harry would definitely fix this because Zayn knew that Harry knew, everyone knew that Harry wasn’t going to mess up what he and Niall had no matter how pretty or fun or famous Kendall was because Niall had his heart, Niall would always be Harry's number one. Zayn was just glad Harry hadn't completely forgotten that.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lets me know what you think...maybe. Please?


	4. The Twenty Second of November

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's awful. Absolutely awful to watch someone so beautiful and lovely turn into someone so distant, unrecognizable and that it happened overnight brought a whole new deck of cards to the table.

Things weren't much better by morning. Not that Zayn expected them to be but still. He and Liam hadn't left Louis' room last night, camping on the foot of Louis' bed and the couch just because they could. None of them wanted to leave Niall alone, not in his state. Zayn only felt briefly guilty about leaving Harry by himself after he had his freak out but Liam sent Paul to check on him and Paul reported that he was in his room, looked a little shell-shocked but otherwise he was fine. Needless to say the guilt didn't last that long.

 

Niall woke up far earlier than he usually did but Zayn figured it was due to not being able to sleep anymore, if he was able to sleep at all anyways. 

 

The bags under his eyes provided all the evidence Zayn needed. He looked like shit, and that was being generous. His hair was an absolute mess, his face was blotchy but at the same time pale, it was eerie. He didn't stand up straight or tall like he typically did, it was like the wind had been knocked out of him or like he didn't have it in himself to pull his shoulders back, as if he didn't have the strength to.

 

His eyes were what got to Zayn the most though. His lids were puffy, painful looking, the whites were almost all red like he'd been smoking weed or doing some serious heavy drinking but the blue...well the blue wasn't even  _blue_. Zayn would be the first to say that Niall had some of the prettiest eyes he'd ever seen, though Perrie's still had him beat (obligation as a fiancé and all that) it was like they'd been replaced. Like someone sucked the color from Niall's eyes when they'd come in the night to wrench his heart out of his chest, they'd stolen his eyes and the fire behind them as well. 

They were gray, glassy, and vacant. Void of any and all emotion...they didn't even look sad they just looked, far away, lonely but indifferent like there was simply nothing there. Like  _Niall_  wasn't there. 

Zayn had never been more frightened by something in his entire life. Niall wasn't supposed to hurt, people weren't supposed  _to hurt_ actual angel Niall Horan. This sort thing shouldn't be allowed to happen, not to Niall! Not to anyone but certainly,  _especially_  not to Niall!

 

Liam seemed to notice what a frightening situation they had on their hands because he straightened against the counter where he'd been leaning lost in his phone. A painful sort of sound came from the back of Liam's throat before he composed himself, stepping forward with his arms open and Niall being Niall scurried right into them. He nuzzled his way deep into Liam's chest, and Liam wasn't Harry, none of them were, not even close. None of them could ever be or replace or compare to what Harry was for Niall but something about this told Zayn that Niall didn't want the arms around him to be Harry's...not  _yet_  at least.

 

"Did you get any sleep Nialler," Liam asked as he carded his fingers through Niall's unruly hair. Niall shook his head in answer, doing a good job of getting himself closer to, further into Liam's warmth. 

"Breakfast," was the next question out of Liam's mouth. He leaned back against the counter, taking Niall with him and Niall shifted in his arms so the side of his face was pressed against Liam's white t-shirt. Niall didn't answer. Zayn watched, wary as he saw Niall's eyes fade out of focus, getting really far away really fast and Zayn wanted to pull him back but didn't know if he should. Maybe Niall was safer where no one could really reach him.

 

Liam looked to Zayn with worry in his eyes and Zayn gave a shrug of his shoulders, not knowing how to explain what he was seeing in his best friends’ eyes. 

"Where's Lou," Niall's small voice came, quiet and timid a few moments later. Zayn hated  _this_  Niall. Or more accurately hated  _the reason_ Niall was like this, hoped he'd get better and never have to be like this  _ever_  again. Niall should be loud and proud, bright and happy always, forever and this fragility, this vulnerability that hung heavy on Niall like a cloak wasn't something Zayn was eager to see again anytime in the near future. It's awful.

Absolutely awful to watch someone so beautiful and lovely turn into someone so distant, unrecognizable and that it happened overnight brought a whole new deck of cards to the table.

Liam opened his mouth to tell Niall that Louis had gone to talk to Paul then grab breakfast from a bakery down the street, hopefully foregoing the part where he went to check on (chew out) Harry. And just when he was going to speak the door clicked and in walked the man in question.

Louis looked tired and anyone who knew him could see that the smile was fake, on his face for Niall's benefit. It was a nice thought, one Niall would probably appreciate but Zayn couldn't wait to rub it in how Louis wasn't half the actor he thought he was. That mask of happiness was for shit.

 

"I come bearing gifts," Louis crowed and Zayn watched Niall for any hint of joy but he merely shuffled himself out of Liam's arms. Louis sort of deflated at that and Liam's arms hung out empty in mid-air like he didn't know what to do with them now. 

Louis unpacked the bags and Liam tried to start a conversation about their appearance on the X Factor tonight and how they'd have to do sound checks and rehearsals all day, what he didn't say was that they'd be busy, a day of distractions. Something Zayn felt Niall needed. 

 

He'd have to talk to Harry though, at some point and he knew none of them, Niall most of all we're looking forward to that. And as if Louis could tell what Zayn was thinking he started that particular conversation or hinted at it. If it wasn't so weird seeing Louis be so awkward and lost for words, it'd be funny because Louis was never at a loss for words.

"So," Louis said, voice booming in the otherwise quiet room. 

"Will she be there tonight," Niall asked. And Louis froze, Liam dropped a plate on the counter in front of Niall with an assortment of pastries and Danishes that Niall just stared at blankly. Zayn watched him pick at them, tear them to pieces without taking a single bite. As if they needed  _another_  thing to worry about. Niall not eating, was  _not_  going to fly. 

"No," Louis rushed as he composed himself, "I don't think so, no." 

Niall nodded in answer as he kept pushing the shreds of raspberry Danish around on the paper plate. 

 

"Hey Ni sweets," Louis sighed as he came around the little island and Niall flinched at the pet name because that's what Harry called him. Zayn watched Louis bite his lip as punishment for his screw up and Liam face palmed comically on the other side of the kitchen. Louis started to apologize but then the door was clicking again as a key card swiped to let someone into the room. Niall's head whipped up so violently that Zayn felt it crick his own neck. 

 

He took a few steps back, eyes wide and unnerved and then he was muttering to himself, Zayn didn't catch all of it but it sort of sounded like 'Not yet, not ready' and Zayn understood. 

Louis put his hands up, trying to gain Niall's attention but the other boy had already basically checked out, stumbling back and around, trying to escape and Zayn couldn't really blame him. 

 

He spun out of the room and in the next second Harry was standing in the doorway looking nearly as awful as Niall,  _nearly_  mind you, Niall still looked worse. Paul hot on his heels looking apologetic, and then Louis was hissing at them both. 

"Paul, I told you I'd call you if Niall wanted to see him, I said you could give him a key  _after_  I give you the okay, I didn't give you the okay! And you," Louis turned his icy glare on Harry as he snapped his fingers at Liam before jerking his arm back in the direction of the living room. Liam got the hint, scurrying away after Niall. "I thought I told you not to-" but Harry cut him off.

 

"How is he," he breathed as he wrung his hands together, knuckles white and Zayn took a closer look. There were marks along the usually perfect skin of his hands that looked suspiciously like bruises...those weren't there last night were they? What did he do after he left last night? Punch something...someone?

 

The fuck were they all turning into?! 

 

Somebody needed to fix this shit, and fast!

 

But Zayn wasn't stupid he knew it wouldn't be that easy, it was never _that easy_. 

And when two people were as in love, as crazy about each other as Harry and Niall were, the feelings were stronger, went deeper but that also meant when they fought it was worse. Harder to fix, tougher to remedy because things hurt more when you'd basically given over your heart to another person, trusted them with it. And when they're hearts broke, they broke at the hands of the holder, the trust between them usually breaking with it, what Harry did doesn't seem  _that_  bad, some people might think they were all being dramatic. But they weren't really because Niall and Harry were  _that_  couple. 

 

Soul mate’s sounds kind of silly and Zayn's never liked the term but it fits them better than any other description. He never believed in love like that until he saw it exist between two of his best friends. They've got that whole red string of fate thing going on and if there was any truth to that well Niall's string would lead right a knot looped snug around Harry's pinky because...how could it not?

 

Zayn just didn't know love like that existed outside of story books or romantic comedies where it always ended happily for the couple in question, always. And even though life wasn't a fairytale, apparently nobody told Harry and Niall. What those two have is about as close to a fairytale as two people will ever get, Zayn's pretty sure about that. 

They just clicked, like two puzzle pieces and you look at them and you can't help but smile because what they have is so pure and so genuine and Zayn's just in love with them being in love. 

So yeah their fights were pretty bad because of how close they were and Zayn won't lie and say this was gonna be easy since it won't be and Harry had a hell of job on his hands now because getting Niall to trust him again, that wasn't a task for the faint hearted. 

Zayn just hoped Harry didn't prove to be a coward in the face of a heartbroken Niall. 

"Harry," but again Louis didn't get very far before Harry cut him off...again.

 

"Is he okay," Harry said through gritted teeth, punctuating each word, face muscles ticking as he clenched down on his jaw. Louis rolled his eyes as he huffed before crossing his arms defensively, sassily.

 

"Of course he isn't 'okay' but you already knew that didn't you Harry?"

 

"I have to see him," Harry was getting a little hysterical and Zayn looked around, none of them seemed to know what to do but at least Louis was there to stand his ground. "I told him I'd see him, that I'd fix this...I made a promise to myself Lou, I need to see him! You told me I could see him!"

"I don't think he wants to see you," But it wasn't Louis' voice, it was Liam's and it sounded like he meant business. 

Both Harry and Louis rounded on him and Zayn didn't miss the way Louis sort of sagged at Liam's re-appearance. None of them liked being angry with one another and even though they'd protect Niall at all costs that didn't mean Louis liked yelling at Harry because he didn't. None of them did. 

 

"But-" and then it was Harry's turn to be cut off. 

"He just, well doesn't seem up for that," Liam rubbed awkwardly at the back of his head, "That's what I gathered anyway," Liam sighed running his hands over his face, "He locked himself in the bathroom and-" And Louis made this gesture with his hands that looked like 'AND WHAT DOOFUS?!'

"Well he  _could_  be crying but I don't know, he just seemed scared, frantic almost. But again, I don't know cause he only seems to want to talk to you," Liam gestured at the oldest boy, it wasn't exactly accusatory it was just frustrated. 

Liam just wanted everyone to feel better, Zayn got it. Nodding to himself before he heard Paul grumbling in the background, having forgotten he was there. Then Paul was leaving, saying that they had 2 hours before they had to leave for sound check. Liam nodded politely, Louis waved him off agitatedly and Zayn just watched because that's what he did. Noticing almost too late that Harry was slipping his way along the wall to slither out of the room, obviously intent on getting to Niall because this was his window and he taking that leap, for Niall. But Zayn didn't think Niall was exactly ready to cushion his landing, catch Harry so he didn't hit the ground, Zayn had to alert the other two.

"Uh guys," he waved at them as they continued to have a weird sort of high-noon stand off about whether or not Niall was actually crying, Louis grilling Liam for information but why wouldn't they just go check? Idiots, all of them!

"Um Harry's escaping," Zayn yelped and Liam and Louis whipped around and then back again before taking off after Harry. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this sort of just ends but the next part should be up this after noon, tonight at the latest so don't worry! I'm all over it!


	5. Waiting For that Bomb to Go Off

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Niall will you unlock the door for me please," a muffled sound of protest came from inside the bathroom and Harry took a step back, knocking into Liam.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My chapter titles always suck...forgive me for that!

Harry was already in the room when they caught him but he wasn't trying to get Niall out of the bathroom, wasn't taking advantage of the opportunity to plead his case he was just standing there. Staring at the closed bathroom door like he didn't have the heart to knock, didn't have the strength to open it or say something to get Niall to come out. Harry seemed lost like Niall had been earlier. It was lame to say but Zayn didn't know how else to put it, they were lost _without_ each other. 

Simple as that and they would stay that way until they'd fixed their bridges and mended their broken hearts, found their way back to the safety and solace of each other's arms. Zayn just didn't know if anyone of them knew the proper direction to point them in because it'd never been like this before. Niall had never broken down like that and Harry had never left to be with someone else, somebody who wasn't Niall and certainly never if Niall asked him to stay.

 

Louis elbowed his way around Harry sending him a challenging look and Liam wrapped an arm around Harry's shoulders, tugged Harry back against his chest. Zayn heard him whisper an apology to the younger boy, he was sorry for having to do this, sorry for everything because he couldn't make it better, Zayn hoped Harry knew that he was sorry too. 

He hovered at the back of the room as Louis made his way to the bathroom door.

 

"Ni baby," Louis called softly, "You alright," Harry looked so anxious as Louis reached for the doorknob. Louis ducked his head when the door wouldn't budge, of course Niall locked it. 

The oldest boy huffed softly, chewed at his lip before running a hand through his hair.

"Niall will you unlock the door for me please," a muffled sound of protest came from inside the bathroom and Harry took a step back, knocking into Liam. 

"I know pumpkin but I really need to know that you're okay so just open the door for me yeah," 

There was silence and Zayn knew Niall was thinking about it. 

"I don't think-" Niall's soft voice said and it was garbled so Zayn could only barely make out what he was saying. "I don't want to do this right now."

 

"Okay sweetie that's fine," Louis turned slightly, looked at Harry and then Liam and then Zayn and he seemed unsure and a little nervous.

Niall said something else and Louis perked up, leaning closer to the door before he answered.

"Yeah he is baby but I can tell him to leave if you don't want to see him yet."

Niall didn't respond to that. But Louis must have heard something in that silence because he didn't bother making Harry leave. He just stepped closer to the door as if the smaller distance could help comfort Niall even if Niall didn't know he'd stepped closer.

 

"I hate this Lou," and everybody sort of deflated, Harry most of all, Niall's words knocking the wind right out of him. 

"I know you do Ni but if you come out here I can make it better."

And again there was silence. Zayn could tell Harry didn't like the way Niall kept going quiet. Zayn didn't really like it either because Niall was one of the loudest, chattiest, bubbly people there ever was. 

Liam must have sensed Harry's unrest too because he placed a hand on the back of Harry's neck, fingers curling protectively. Harry leaned into it as Liam's fingers twirled into the curls at the base of his head.

"I wanna make it better Li, but he doesn't want anything to do with me," Harry whispered, voice barely audible, shoulders slumped. Zayn was happy Louis didn't seem to hear it, still too focused on getting Niall to show himself. 

 

"C'mon baby duck, just come out so we can talk. You and I can have breakfast, I got you a cinnamon raisin bagels with extra cream cheese and maybe we can watch a movie or something, whatever you want." His fingers tapped on the door, drumming out a rhythm that was oddly soothing. Zayn could imagine that if Niall was more himself he'd be drumming along with Louis, responding to it happily, excitedly. Zayn didn't hear any extra tapping though which made him sadder than it should've.

 

"How about a cuppa tea, that sounds pretty good yeah," Louis' voice still soft and soothing, Zayn hoped it would work...just maybe a little faster than it did last night. They didn't exactly have 3 hours to spare right now. 

 

And then the door to the bathroom was opening and Niall was stepping out. Zayn heard Harry's breathing pick up, Liam pulled Harry back a little in a last ditch effort to make Niall feel as safe as possible. 

They all looked at Niall, scrutinizing him but he didn't seem to have been crying which was good. He just looked a little disoriented, which obviously  _wasn't good_  but he was out of the bathroom so it was better than nothing. 

 

His eyes automatically landed on Harry because of course they did, the magnetic pull they had that drew people in, well it also worked on each other so naturally Niall's eyes wanted to find Harry in a room filled with 3 other people. The room could've been filled with 100 people, all beautiful and powerful and Niall's eyes would find Harry's every time, without fail and Harry's would find Niall's because if they couldn't be with each other, by each other's sides you could be damn sure they'd be looking for each other, watching out for one another, anything to still feel close and connected. 

Right now they just stared at each other and Niall didn't bolt and Harry didn't move but it was clear that neither of them were okay. 

Louis took a cautious step forward as to not scare the younger boy, Niall didn't even look at him when Louis spoke. "He can leave, I'll make him leave if you aren't ready for this. I get it, so just say the word and he's gone," 

 

No one dared say anything and Harry got a point for not arguing or pushing, staying quiet and still, even though Zayn could tell he wanted nothing more than to just close the distance between them, gather Niall in his arms, hold him close and apologize for everything while promising to never let him go ever again. 

And probably kiss him, Zayn could bet that Harry really just wanted to kiss this whole mess better...but he didn't, and for that Zayn ticked him off a point. 

"We should talk," Niall said but he was shaking his head and his eyes were still locked on Harry's green ones, studying him. Zayn felt naked under the scrutiny and Niall wasn't even staring at him, but Niall was always able to do that. Look at you and make you feel stripped bare to the bones, able to see it all.

He was such a tremendous judge of character, such a good person all around that he could size someone up, see right through to their soul while still wearing that perfect smile of his and you'd find yourself wanting to fall to his feet and tell him all your dirty secrets and confess all your sins because Niall would listen and let you pour your heart out to him all the while never making you feel judged.

Niall was the only person who could judge people without  _actually_  judging them, which was weird and didn't make much sense until you had experienced it for yourself and it had happened to Zayn enough times for him to know what he was talking about. It was always nerve wracking to be stripped down in such a way but Niall had this knack for always making you feel loved and safe so he got away with his soul-reading shit every single time, you could trust Niall, so no one ever said anything because having someone you trust is invaluable.

 

He got away with it this time too but of course he did. Although Zayn figured Harry was just happy that Niall was willing to look at him and instead not running across the room to clock him right square in the jaw. Not that he ever would, Niall's not violent but Harry did kind of deserve it. He deserved a lot but knowing he made Niall cry really was punishment enough, wasn't it? Zayn knew he surely wouldn't want to live with that one on his conscience, that'd be hell. It'd be worse for Harry though because Harry's in love with Niall, so yeah knowing he'd caused Niall pain was worse than any physical beating any of them could ever produce.

 

Niall took a few more steps into the room, bumping into Louis in what could be seen as friendly, playful but Zayn wasn't stupid or blind. He saw the way Niall wasn't quite steady on his feet, whatever the reason Zayn didn't know. It could've been lack of sleep or lack of food...a combination of the two mixed with the fact that he still didn't believe that Harry was only with Kendall because management wanted him to be. 

They all took an instinctive step forward but Louis was closest so he reached out for Niall steadying him with an arm around his shoulders, other hand on his stomach and Niall ducked his head, Louis whispered something in his ear before kissing the shell of it, then his cheek. Harry made a strangled sound in the back of his throat at what Zayn assumed was having to watch somebody else comfort  _his_  boyfriend, not being able to be the one Niall leaned on, Zayn could only imagine what that was doing to Harry. 

 

He didn't move much further and when Niall looked back up at Harry he looked lost again. 

And since no one knew what he wanted to say they all just waited, Harry started fidgeting again, clearly growing more and more anxious as the seconds ticked past without Niall saying anything. 

They all held their breath, it was like a collective gasp as Niall opened his mouth, grabbed Louis' shoulder to push himself up so he was standing on his own, though Louis didn't let his hands stray too far, had them up so he could grab Niall back at a moments notice. 

"I've been thinking and," Niall cleared his throat when his voice cracked. And then his eyes filled with tears, Zayn angled himself around and saw that Harry's eyes were growing wet as well. "I just-" he shook his head when he couldn't continue. Harry took a few steps closer to him and Niall sort of crumpled against Louis who caught him easily, pulling him close and it was reminiscent of the scene Zayn watched unfold last night when Niall came in on the verge of collapse.

 

And Niall tilted his head to whisper in Louis' ear before turning in the older boys' arms to curl against his chest. 

Louis looked at Harry then, he seemed sorry and Liam took a few steps closer but Zayn didn't dare move, the last thing they needed was Niall feeling trapped or suffocated. "Niall love, I really don't think you should be alone right now," Louis whispered and Niall tilted his head again, said something else and Louis seemed truly conflicted. 

"Niall I don't, I don't want to leave you like this." 

 

"Please Lou...this is, is...it's kinda private," Niall debated but Louis bit his lip, still not buying it. He looked down at the blonde and Zayn couldn't tell for sure but he assumed Niall's eyes were dead set on Louis'.

 

"I don't feel comfortable leaving you alone with  _him_ ,"

And then it made sense. It made perfect, _awful_ sense.

 

They all understood it though, Harry too, it was probably painful but he got it and Zayn didn't really want to witness this but he also found himself unable to look away. 

Louis had basically just said he didn't trust Harry  _with_  Niall. He might as well had said he didn't think Harry loved Niall which was absurd and stupid, anyway you sliced it. 

What Harry did last night was dumb, yes but Zayn never once doubted Harry's feelings for the blonde. His utter remorse and unrest about the whole thing proved what they all already knew, Harry was heart broken because he'd left Niall heart broken, it was plain to see. So that Louis was even questioning Harry's feelings...that, that wasn't gonna be good.

 

The seconds ticked by, it was agony, waiting for that bomb to go off. 

And then it did.

 

"Jesus Christ Lou I'm not gonna do anything to him," Harry screeched. Instantly regretting it when Niall flinched into Louis' chest and Louis sent him a pointed look, daring Harry to prove him right. Harry lowered his voice, "I love him and we do need to talk so you should let us! Louis come on, I know I haven't been the best boyfriend lately," Louis scoffed loudly at that.

"Okay I've been a shit boyfriend but I'm...I'm trying to make that better, Niall," Harry addressed the blonde now, blue eyes skirted to the side, head twisted minutely to look at Harry, guarded, cautious before Harry pressed on. Talking to Niall and Niall alone. "Niall sweetie you know you're my everything. You're my whole world bug. I've been a dick and I'm sorry and anything I have to do to make this better I'll do it, I love you more than anything, you know that. You're my one sweets, my only one."

 

Niall picked his head up as Harry talked, looked at Harry full on, stared directly at him and when Harry stopped talking they did that thing they did a lot where they had a conversation without saying a single word. Harry nodded his head whispering, "I love you," And then Niall pulled himself out of Louis' arms who looked reluctant to let him go but released him all the same. 

 

Niall stepped hesitantly up to Harry who raised a hand with the same hesitance and stroked down Niall's cheek. He leaned into the touch, soaking it in and Zayn watched Niall's eyes close slowly and the tears that had pooled in his eyes, slipped down his cheeks, he fell into Harry's chest, Harry curled himself over and around Niall before any of them could even take a breath.

Zayn wasn't really expecting that but he didn't question it either just tugged a shocked Liam towards the door by the back of his shirt, hearing Harry whisper, "I didn't mean to hurt you sweets, I _never_ meant to hurt you. I'm so sorry," And Niall sobbed wet and broken as he gripped the front of Harry's shirt. Zayn's wide range of experience with Harry and Niall's interactions allowed him to picture rather vividly how Niall snuggled into Harry's chest and imagined the way Harry cupped the back of Niall's head while wrapping the other arm tight around his back. Louis followed after albeit reluctantly, stopping at the door and made a sound like he was going to speak but Harry spoke before Louis could.

"Leave the door cracked if you have to Lou but I'm not gonna hurt him, not again," is what Harry said and Zayn was actually kind of proud of him, gave him another point on the scoreboard he had going in his head.

He was happy for the fact that Louis seemed calmer today because if Harry had something like that to him last night Louis probably would have slugged him. 

Louis did leave the door half way open, standing directly outside it, pacing back and forth and Zayn looked at Liam who was smiling fondly at Louis' protectiveness. Zayn wondered why he didn't just leave the door open all the way, or better yet just go back in and sit on the bed because he might as well. It was obvious he was listening and analyzing every word that came out of Harry's mouth, waiting for him to say the wrong thing so he could swoop back in to protect his 'baby duck' from the big bad wolf named Harry. 

 

Zayn trusted Harry with this though but maybe that's because he knew their relationship, had watched it close enough to understand it better than most so he knew it'd be alright. The way Harry stood told Zayn that he wouldn't do anything to cause Niall anymore pain and the way Niall fell into Harry, willingly, readily told Zayn that he'd longed for this, wanted it back and wanted to kiss and make up just as desperately as Harry did. 

 

So to say he was surprised when he heard Harry start spluttering and then Niall was crying out apologies through his still ever present sobs, (that didn't sound like the road to recovery to Zayn), would have been an _enormous_ understatement.

"That doesn't sound good to you guys either right," Liam asked as he started biting at one of his fingers, chewing nervously on the edge of it.

 

They all got up. Liam pressed himself close to Louis who was standing in the semi open doorway, blatantly listening to the whole thing go down.

"Niall baby please, I'm sorry- I-I-I'm sorry, I just-" 

 

"I know Harry but this...this isn't fair-"

 

"Tell me what to do, I'll do anything to fix this just don't...don't do this please, don't break up with me!" 

 

They all turned to each other, shocked and Zayn knew just by the look on the other twos faces that they were _not_ expecting that either.

 

"I'm not Harry, just, fuck you're not...I just can't be with you when you're with her! I need a break-"

 

"Niall it's only a month, a few 'dates' a couple public outings and then it's done, over...just like Taylor-" 

Niall cut him off and Liam's body was blocking his view anyways so Zayn moved to stand with his back against the wall to the right of the door, batting the fake branches of the plant in the corner out of the way. Ears trained on Niall's wet but raspy voice. 

 

"But you didn't like Taylor." 

 

"And I don't like Kendall!" 

 

Louis barked out a quiet, sarcastic laugh, saying "Yes you do," under his breath just as Niall said the same exact thing. Though where Louis' was harsh and slightly acidic, Niall's was sad and hurt and broken. 

Zayn was struck for a moment by that because he'd always been so busy watching and obsessing over Niall and Harry that'd he'd never noticed how in-sync and _close_ Niall and Louis were. They were all close, but this was different. He'd gotten a glimpse of it last night but damn, how did he not know the intensity of it? 

But he didn't have anytime right now to think about that because Harry and Niall were still having it out and Harry's _got_ to fix his relationship, make Niall feel better. Oh and now, convince Niall not to break up with him. Zayn sure was glad he wasn't Harry right now.

 

"I don't-"

"Harry please," and Harry quieted down though he was still sniffling and gasping for air occasionally. 

"I'm not _breaking_ up with you, not really I just need some space cause if it's always gonna be like it was last night...I'm not gonna survive." That sounded a little dramatic but Zayn wished it wasn't so damn true. Niall _wouldn't_ survive if he had to repeat last night over and over and over again for a month. Niall was doing what was best for Niall which was smart and brave and admirable even though it would suck royally. For everyone. 

When did Niall become so mature? 

 

"I just want us to take a step back, maybe be a little less involved, I can't lose you Harry, not completely but I also can't do what I did last night every night."

 

"But-"

"Harry you asked if there was anything you could do. This is it, I'm asking you for this, some space and when you and her are no longer _you and her_ I'll be right there waiting." 

 

"I pushed you to this, I shouldn't have gone last night and not because now you're breaking up with me but because I hurt you...I went out with her and I hurt you, I'm a horrible person! I said I'd fix this and now look what's happened."

 

"Harry don't do that! It's not...if it didn't happen now it would've happened tomorrow or the next day or the next time you left to be with her. This is just what I have to do, for me, for us. I don't want things to get worse, I'm not sure I'd be _okay_ if they got worse."

There was silence as Harry thought about it. As he weighed his options but really what options did he really have, right now fighting Niall on this could mean losing him forever and Zayn knew Harry wasn't _that_ dumb.

 

"Alright, okay...if this is what you need, what you want then okay. I'll do this for you. I'd do anything for you."

 

"Thank you Harry."

Zayn could hear Harry's sobs pick up now.

 

"I'm so sorry Niall, I'm so sorry," and Harry was crying harder now, voice breaking and quivering with it.

 

"No no, little bear no. Don't be, it's okay, I'm okay...well no, I'm not but I think it'll be easier this way and like you said it's only a month, that's not _that_ long."

It was quiet for a few moments and Zayn couldn't even guess what was going on in that room.

 

"I love you," Harry rasped and Zayn didn't need to be in the room to know the way Niall's face softened at that. 

"I know Harry, I love you too," and then it was quiet again but Louis took a step back bumping into Liam's chest. Then there was a very soft, very faint squeak and Zayn knew that sound. That was the sound Niall makes every time Harry kissed him, every time. That sound happened a few more times, Niall's soft sniffling being muffled by Harry's wet breathing as it rushed in and out of his mouth, trying to keep enough oxygen in his lungs so he didn't have to let go of Niall's lips, he'd keep kissing him until Niall made him stop, Zayn knew how that worked. Zayn didn't need to see it, it was like knowing all the lines to your favorite song or all the moments of your favorite movie, he could picture it all as it happened, before it happened. Harry's eyebrows would knit together, forehead would crease in a pained sort of need and concentration as he poured all of himself into the kiss, for Niall and himself and their relationship so Niall could feel it all and remember it when Harry wasn't there. Especially now considering he might not get to kiss Niall for a month, if that's what Niall decided was best but they'd never found themselves in this position so they didn't know and Zayn didn't know so it'd be a learning experience for all of them. 

 

Harry huffed, but Zayn still heard the quiet pecking and smacking of lips on skin so he assumed Harry had simply moved on to kissing all over Niall's face because he could hear the blonde trying to stifle his laughter as he tried to start talking. Typically the only way Niall could stop Harry when he did that was to kiss him and judging by the soft moan Zayn figured that's just what Niall was doing. 

When they broke apart Zayn assumed they were just standing, with their foreheads pressed together, eyes closed because that's what they did. Their breathing calmed down with only the occasional sniffle breaking through the quiet. 

 

"Don't fall in love with her please," Niall's soft voice said, accent thick. Liam stiffened next to him, and Zayn didn't know what to do. Niall probably got caught up in Harry and his mouth and being in his arms again but only momentarily because obviously he was still worried. Their poor baby was still so frightened. He just asked his boyfriend, whom he's crazy about to take a break so he didn't have to suffer through watching him date someone else, so he could distance himself to make it easier on all of them but even still, he was still absolutely petrified of really, actually, _honestly_ losing Harry. Zayn was willing to bet that nothing scared Niall more than losing Harry. 

 

"Oh baby no, no! God Niall no, I would never...it's you. It'll always be you." 

 

And Niall giggled, he actually giggled! That was a sound Zayn didn't think they'd be hearing for quite a while. Then Harry's lips smacked against Niall's again...and damn, did two people normally kiss so much when they'd just broken up, or agreed to take a break or whatever the hell Niall and Harry had just done.

Niall and Harry have never had a 'by-the-book' relationship though, ever. 

And regardless of what ever did just happen in that room, Zayn promised himself he’d be there for both of them, they all would and he’d provide a shoulder when it was needed, a hug whenever his arms were empty and friend for the duration of this split because goodness knows Niall and Harry will be in desperate need for one.

 

So about 15 minutes later when Harry decides to leave the room to go and get ready, tears already welling back up in his eyes Zayn offers to go with him, Liam right behind him, they need to get ready too anyways. And if Harry happens to need his shoulder the second Louis’ hotel room door closes behind, that’s totally fine, it’s what Zayn _wants_ to do. Anything to make it easier, better, anything to make it sting just a little less.

 

Zayn doesn’t need to turn around as he follows Harry and Liam out of the room to know that Niall’s already snuggled up in Louis’ arms. And it hits him as the door closes behind him that Niall shouldn’t be worried about Harry falling in love with Kendall, rather Harry should be the one worried because Niall, in his vulnerable state, might fall for Louis, transference and all that…oh shit, he did _not_ just think that but really, Harry's best friend could end up stealing his boyfriend!

Who writes this stuff, a voice in Zayn's head screams as the lock within the door clicks shut.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DUN-DUN-DUN-DUN!  
> I decided to add just a little Nouis...don't worry it's completely unrequited on Niall's end.


	6. Like Learning to Walk When You've Only Just Begun to Crawl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It didn't work.
> 
> And it wasn't the right.
> 
> It was completely different and Zayn didn't feel safe without Niall and Harry holding onto each other in the shadows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we see a little of how things are affecting Harry, he's got feelings too! And it's so hard to make Harry the bad guy, I love Harry so much!  
> People seem to like the little bit of Nouis so here's some more!
> 
> I'm absolute shit at tenses, past, present and all that so sorry if it's messed up this chapter...! I edited quickly but that doesn't mean anything.

Harry doesn't make it more than 3 steps down the hall before his arm shoots out, he manages to catch himself on the wall just before his legs give out, wobbling dangerously before he hits the deck. 

Zayn rushes forward, wraps his arms around Harry as the younger boy sinks to the carpeted floor of the hallway. Liam comes to kneel in front of them, looks up and down the hallway to ensure that they're alone. 

Zayn shushes Harry, moving his hand through his hair as his other arm tightens around Harry, firm and secure, hoping Harry knows how much he gets this, how badly he wants to help, and how desperately he wishes things could be different, better. He whispers reassuring words against Harry's head as Liam runs his hands up and down Harry's curved back, Harry wet voice rasps, "Awful person, awful person, I deserved that, I deserve worse," over and over again. It makes Zayn want to cry.

 

"Harry don't do that," Liam hushes him, Zayn tightens his arms around Harry, wishing he knew what to say. "Don't do that to yourself, it's gonna be okay." 

 

"But it's not okay Liam," Harry cries, the tears come faster. Zayn thinks that maybe they should get up off the floor, move this to one of their rooms. 

"He broke up with me!"

 

"No he asked for time Harry, that's different," Liam's voice soft but fierce.  

 

Zayn nodded his head even though he didn't think either of them were watching him. 

"It's self preservation," Liam sighed, hands still moving in circles over Harry's back, "I know it sucks but he's doing this to protect you're relationship. Taking a step back so any damage that gets done won't be so direct. So that when Kendall's out of the picture you'll both still have a relationship to go back to." 

 

"He hates me," Harry sobbed, burying his face against the collar of Zayn's shirt, body shaking violently. Zayn repressed the sigh he felt build up in his chest, long and suffering because Harry wasn't listening. Harry was always a very attentive person, a very good listener even though he typically seemed to be somewhere else, somewhere far away...right now though? He wasn't even attempting to pay attention. He was beside himself, un reachable, the only person who had even a hope of reaching him was Niall but it was clear that Niall didn't  _want to_  reach Harry. Not now, not yet and not as long as Harry was tied to Kendall, Niall would probably keep his distance for the duration of their 'relationship'.

 

He pulled Harry closer, knowing that it wouldn't do any good to try and make Harry understand Niall's reasoning at this point, not when he was like this. So he opted for sweet and loving, compassionate, maybe a little paternal like he used to do with his sisters when they came home with tears in their eyes because their latest crush turned out to be just another scrub, and he'd talk to them until they believed they were worth the world and anyone who didn't see that didn't deserve them anyways.

 

"Niall could never hate you Harry," Zayn kissed his forehead, "He loves you so much and it doesn't make sense right now because you're upset but later you'll understand that he did it  _because_  he loves you. Niall just doesn't want you to give him a reason to hate you, that's why he did this. I know it's awful but we're here for you, always." 

And Liam was nodding vigorously behind Harry, Harry couldn't see it and it made Zayn feel better. 

 

"Lean on us mate," Zayn whispered, nudging at Harry's forehead till he looked up at him, "You'll get through this and we'll help, anyway we can. Whatever you need."

 

Harry sniffled, wiping his nose on his sleeve, but Zayn was too focused on making him feel better to be grossed out. "You guys don't hate me for hurting Niall..." His voice broke off as it cracked and Liam leaned his head on Harry's shoulder, moving his hands to run down Harry's arms. 

" _I_  hate me," Harry gasped and Zayn really didn't want him to start crying again, but he didn't know if he could lie to Harry, because yes he  _was_  mad initially but now he just wanted everyone to be okay. 

He couldn't speak for Liam but he figured Liam wasn't that mad, not anymore. Like the rest of them the mindset was 'Protect Niall at all  _possible_  costs,' but that certainly didn't mean they'd let Harry suffer in silence. They weren't like that and if Harry needed them they'd be there for him too. 

That's how Zayn felt and he assumed Liam felt the same.

 

So yeah, Niall got hurt but Harry was hurting now too and Zayn knew he was sorry.  It wasn't even a question. 

He could see it in Liam's eyes when he looked at him that he knew it too, Harry only wanted to fix his mistakes, make it better, mend Niall's heart because Niall was what mattered most but Harry didn't know how and Zayn certainly didn't know either. And no one wanted to push Niall because there was no telling what would happen if they pushed Niall too far. 

 

"I don't hate you Harry," Zayn sighed and Liam rushed to assure him of the same thing. 

Zayn would've kept talking, kept reassuring Harry that none of them would ever,  _could_  ever hate him but a door down the hall opened and Zayn didn't want anyone to see Harry like this, not when he had tears streaming down his face, hair an absolute mess. He was so vulnerable in this moment and Zayn had to keep him safe, meeting Liam's eyes over Harry's hunched shoulders, they made their decision. Liam hoisted Harry up with hands under his armpits, hauled him up to his feet and Zayn wrapped his arms around him to steady him when he swayed dangerously. 

If Zayn didn't know any better he'd think Harry was drunk. 

 

They walked him to his door, Liam searched Harry's pockets for his key card to unlock his door, stared at it for a moment, contemplating something and Zayn looked at Harry only to see him giving  Liam this look that was so  _Harry_ , Zayn couldn't help but smile.

 

And then he made his decision, whatever it was, looked to the other two with that classic, goofy Liam grin, slid the card into the slot, green light lighting up, clicking the door open. 

"You need a shower," Liam asked but it didn't really sound like a question. It was more a statement and Harry nodded. 

Nobody said it out loud but it was obvious that they were going to stay while Harry showered and got ready and he could hang out in one of their rooms after so he didn't have to be alone.

 

The water in the bathroom turned on about ten minutes later after Harry picked out his clothes, got his toiletries together. Zayn hadn't missed the way Harry stared at Niall's open suitcase in the corner, clothes overflowing, most likely exactly how Niall had left it. 

His gaze had lingered on Harry as he looked at Niall's LA Lakers SnapBack that laid on the bureau across from the bed. It was horrendous having to watch Harry like this, Zayn had no words for it honestly.

 

He felt sick to his stomach when he heard Harry's muffled sobs from inside the bathroom, over the water of his shower. Helpless didn't even begin to describe this feeling.

 

"How do you fix something like this," Zayn doesn't realize he had said it out loud until Liam was answering him.

"We just gotta be there for him, both of them," Liam said as he laid back on the bed with an exaggerated sigh, "And pray, maybe pray a lot?"

 

It was funny but oddly enough, Zayn didn't really feel like laughing.

 

***

 

Things were tense between Harry and Niall in the car to the studio that housed the X Factor and it's hopeful contestants. 

It didn't get better as the day wore on and they were wrangled into soundcheck, passed from sound guy to sound guy as they tried to get them set up as quickly as possible and the boys just went with it because they were used to it and it was also nice to have something to focus on that wasn't Harry and how'd he screwed up or Niall and how he'd broken up with Harry or how they were both so upset and all of them were feeling the tension. 

 

It was bizarre doing a soundcheck where Niall and Harry weren't goofing around, making jokes or hanging all over each other. It was like a piece of them was missing, a vital, crucial, important piece and Zayn had known this wouldn't be easy but no one said it would be this hard.

 

He watched them give each other side ways glances, short and secret, done before they had even started and it sucked. It sucked because Harry and Niall were a staple in their everyday lives, a fixture so it felt wrong to be testing mics and swapping cords when Niall wasn't climbing onto Harry's back, nipping his neck till the younger boy turned his head to kiss Niall silly. And it felt wrong when Harry didn't go over to Niall to make sure his mic was on right, that the pack was secure. 

 

But nothing felt more wrong than watching Louis do all the things that Harry usually did, that Harry was  _supposed_  to do. Like fix Niall's ear plugs and wish him luck, encourage him even though it was only sound check. 

It was like sacrilege or something...wrong on so many levels.

 

Zayn wasn't stupid. He knew things weren't going to be the same because Niall had asked for space and Harry was obliging to that request but this wasn't right. 

Just because they were taking a step back didn't mean Louis could step in, replace Harry. 

Zayn doesn't remember hearing anyone say that was allowed!

 

It would be a 'learn-as-you-go' sort of thing, Zayn knew that because none of them had been told how this would work, how this was  _supposed_  to work. They'd have to learn how One Direction functioned without  _HarryandNiall_  and their relationship to fall back on. Zayn figured it would be sort of like learning to walk when you've only just begun to crawl. The only difference would be that he didn't think they'd ever find a rhythm, a smoothness, a flow to their movements because he didn't feel right without Niall teasing Harry or Harry dipping Niall backwards to kiss him between songs. They weren't that well oiled machine any more because they were missing pieces. Their cogs had fallen out somewhere along the way, stolen by a girl named Kendall Jenner, smashed to pieces by Harry Styles, kicked to the side by Niall Horan and haphazardly replaced by Louis Tomlinson. 

 

It didn't work.

 

And it wasn't the right.

 

It was completely different and Zayn didn't feel safe without Niall and Harry holding onto each other in the shadows.

 

***

 

It all sort of blew up mid way through the day. They had done their bit, had let the contestants do their own sound checks and last minute fixes with their coaches. It was always nice to see other X Factor contestants, see the dreams bright in their eyes because they had been right there, the five of them knew better than anyone what it was like. They were the best example of what this show could do and they didn't even win but it was hard to enjoy completely when the core dynamic of their group was so totally out of whack. When Harry didn't know what he was allowed to say or where he was allowed to stand. How close was too close or should he just stand back here and stay out of the way? 

When Niall tried to act oblivious and aloof but Zayn knew better, he wasn't blind after all. 

 

Niall was still affected by all of this, he was still hurting but he covered it up by clinging to Louis when the older boy crashed back into him, missing completely how Harry's eyes misted over with tears he wouldn't dare let fall. Zayn didn't miss it though, he was paying extra close attention, especially now.

 

The contestants had cheered for an encore and Demi had begged them to sing Best Song Ever about a hundred times before they agreed and made their way back to the stage, their little audience whooping it up. Excited at getting a private show. 

Their mic packs were handed back out and the sound guys moved around them, the band getting set on the side. Zayn focused on his own mic, getting it secure on his jeans, he zoned out as he listened to the guitars get retuned and Liam chatting politely with Mario Lopez who seemed determined to get the scoop on Liam's new girlfriend Sophia.

 

"Hey Zayn," Harry's voice makes Zayn whip around, pulls him back to earth. There's this hitch in his speech, a pinch and it jabs Zayn right where it hurts. He steps up closer to the younger boy but he's staring off into the distance. Enraptured with something on the other end of the stage.

 

Zayn tries to pull him back by waving a hand in front of his face, it doesn't do anything. So he follows his gaze, knowing before he actually sees it what or more accurately  _who_ , Harry's eyes are on, apparently seeing something he doesn't like. 

 

Its Niall. 

 

And Louis. 

 

Niall  _with_  Louis. 

 

Niall's laughing, loud and proud and open as Louis tries to untangle the wires of their mic packs, how they got tangled in the first place, Zayn doesn't even want to know. 

 

And Louis makes this face that under normal circumstances would have Zayn smiling too but it's the look in his eyes, how it's directed at Niall that makes Zayn a little angry. He's pulling at the wires, hooks one plug around Niall's ear but Niall laughs louder, swats him away playfully and Louis makes this sound of faux innocence before he puts it in Niall's other ear, where it fits properly. And Niall smiles at him, friendly, thankful and Zayn's happy that Louis's making Niall smile because it's a distraction, that's important but...Louis...

 

Louis is  _flirting_  with Niall. 

 

Blatantly, unabashedly, unashamed as if Harry isn't right there watching it all happen. As if he isn't ripping Harry to utter  _pieces_ , bit by torturous bit. 

The wound is still too fresh, still too new for Harry to be really, out right jealous, he's more hurt than anything. Zayn looks at him and he thinks Harry might crumble right here on the stage. 

 

It was exactly what Zayn was afraid of because the more he thought about it the more it all made sense. Louis  _liked_  Niall, and this, this rift between Niall and Harry was his window of opportunity. And it was obvious that Louis was going to take full advantage of that window, because who knew how long it would stay open? Zayn hoped not for too long because Harry and Niall belonged together, didn't Louis understand that?!

 

"Tell me I'm seeing things please," Harry chokes out, mic pack sitting forgotten in his limp fingers, "Tell me I'm still asleep and this is just a nightmare and I'm gonna wake up any second now with Niall in my arms and the last two days will have all just been a bad dream,"

 

It's the hope in his voice that makes Zayn's stomach turn. It's so devastating that hopefulness that Harry's carrying like a shield. 

But it's that very shield that is his only defense right now, it's the hope that he's holding on to, clinging to so tightly. Zayn doesn't blame him, it's all he's got right now, or at least from Harry's stand point, its all he  _thinks_  he's got. Besides his feelings for Niall, his love for Niall but standing here watching his best friend flirt with the love of his life, it's probably easy for Harry to think he's got nothing left but to squeeze the life out of his hope. That's all there is to it.

 

"I'm sorry Haz," Zayn whispers, gripping Harry's arm tight, attempting to ground him, anchor him back to earth. And just like earlier he can't lie to Harry. Not when Harry is already so broken. Yes it would make it easier but only for a moment.

If Zayn lied now, to Harry about this it wouldn't do anyone any good in the long run. 

 

It would do far more damage, and it certainly wouldn't help anything. Not now, not ever.

 

So Zayn pulls him into a side hug, "I'm so sorry," and Harry bites his lip so hard it turns white. 

 

"I didn't think-" he doesn't finish but Zayn didn't think either. 

He didn't  _ever_  think that Louis would be a threat to Harry and his relationship with Niall. But he also didn't think Louis would even try. 

Wasn't it obvious that Harry and Niall were meant to be. This was a minor setback but it would get better, it had to!

 

Niall is Harry's, he's always been Harry's, there's never been any question about it. So why should Harry have ever thought he'd have to worry about Louis? If Zayn didn't witness Louis comforting Niall last night and this morning Zayn's not sure he would have seen it either. 

But is this for real?

 

Is this actually a thing or is this just Louis being his usual playful, fun, spunky self? Is he laying it on extra thick because Niall's upset and needs a laugh, needs a friend? Or does he have feelings for Niall? Real, genuine, honest to goodness feelings.

Zayn doesn't know but he doesn't like it whatever it is. 

It's not right regardless of the reasoning or the circumstances.

 

Shouldn't Niall be off limits? Shouldn't some sort of bro code apply in this situation? There's got to be a rule regarding this sort of thing...Zayn just can't come up with one, not with Harry becoming weaker and weaker against his side.

 

And when Louis pulls Niall even closer, bites at Niall's neck Niall starts giggling the way he would if it was Harry's teeth running along his skin, Zayn knows this isn't going to be good. 

It'll look like fun between friends to the people watching them but to Harry who's already on the edge it looks like defeat, and just as Zayn had feared it would, it pushes Harry over.

 

His mic pack hits the stage with a defeaning clatter and Harry takes two hesitant steps back, everything just stops. Niall looks at him, eyes wide and...apologetic? 

But Harry doesn't seem to see the apology he runs, takes off like a bullet, Zayn right on his heels.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was this chapter even good?
> 
> I can't tell how I feel about it.
> 
> Jealous Harry will come in soon enough, for those of you who are looking forward to it... ;)
> 
> Thanks for reading xxx


	7. Still 100% Yours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "They're like fucking magnets," Liam barked out through a laugh. And Zayn nearly spit out his soda, it burned his nose when he started choking on it but, "Fuck you see it too?!"
> 
> And Liam just laughed harder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright so here's this. Heavy on the Narry in this chapter I couldn't help myself.
> 
> I probably won't be updating for a bit, I'm going on vacation and won't be back till the 2nd so yeah.  
> I'd like to wish everyone a very merry Christmas, happy holidays, good tidings and all that! Lots of love and cheer from me to all of you :)  
> Thanks for reading, y'all are fantastic! xxx
> 
> (Sorry for any mistakes I'm tired but wanted to post before I went away!)

Zayn comforted Harry, whispering soft words and gentle nothings in an attempt to lift his spirits.

Then Liam tried his hand at soothing the curly haired lad, letting Harry cry in his lap.

 

Nothing helped. 

 

  
_Nothing_  helped!

 

Harry was inconsolable, repeating over and over again how he deserved to lose Niall because he wasn't good enough for him anyways and Zayn...well Zayn kind of wanted to throw up hearing Harry talk like that.

  
About 10 minutes later Niall peeked his head into the dressing room. "Can I come in," he asked timidly and Harry picked his head up before rearranging himself on the couch. Wiping his face and eyes as if Niall didn't know he was crying, as if Niall didn't know Harry was hurting too. Why he was trying to hide this now Zayn didn't know. Niall had seen Harry at his worst, his absolute lowest and loved him all the same. Niall would  _always_  love Harry and Zayn just wanted Harry to stop acting like he needed to put up a front. As if he wasn't allowed to feel pain because he had hurt Niall first, like he deserved this.

 

He didn't deserve this, nobody did. Louis looking at Niall like he was free for the taking wasn't right, wasn't okay but Harry was simply taking the beating because in Harry's mind, this was his punishment. 

Niall didn't want to punish him though, Zayn could see it. 

Niall just wanted to help. Sure they were taking a break but that didn't mean that Niall wanted to cut  _all_  ties. He would dive back in head first if Harry needed him. And Harry needed him right now. 

Harry needed a lot of things. Things that Niall probably wasn't completely ready to give. Not with Harry's 'fling' with Kendall days from coming back to life but right now. In this very moment with tears streaming down Harry's face, Niall would do anything to make him feel better. Zayn would put money on that.

  
Harry coughed a few times, nodding his head frantically, motioning Niall into the room. Harry sat up straight, putting up that front that Zayn really wished he wouldn't. Again, this act, this facade he was putting up it was so wholly unnecessary because Niall was bound to see right through it, if Zayn could, Niall could.

Niall looked so upset as he made his way into the dressing room, looking sad and out of place which was something Niall never was. Even if a situation made Niall feel weird or uncomfortable he always played it off with a smile, made a joke and had a laugh about it because that's what Niall was good at. But nothing about this, none of this was something Niall was good at because it was a situation so alien, so unnatural for Niall.   
Niall minus Harry was unnatural. 

Niall sat on the edge of the cushion at the far end of the couch, about as far from Harry as physically possible in the space provided and Zayn rolled his eyes at his actions. Liam just looked at him, then back at Harry then to Niall again before standing up and saying he was gonna go find Louis. 

Zayn watched Harry twitch at the mention of Louis' name.  
But he also saw Niall move closer on the couch. And when Harry looked up at him, Niall must've seen something that Zayn didn't because he scooted closer again, sitting on the cushion next to Harry. 

Harry listed closer to Niall just as Niall leaned further into Harry's space as well. There was something almost involuntary about the movements. Like neither of them wanted to be quite so weak but they found themselves drawn into the other, unable to fight it, unwilling to try anyways. 

 

They were so ridiculous Zayn thought to himself and just as he had the thought Niall was tugging at Harry till he collapsed against Niall's slighter frame. Niall's arms wrapped so tight around Harry's shoulders that Zayn could practically feel Niall's muscles flexing around him as well. As if Zayn was the one wrapped in Niall's arms. 

 

His legs followed, fitting themselves snugly around Harry's hips, his ankles hooked together, feet settling flat on the cushion underneath Harry and even as Niall clung to him like a child would to their parents leg on their first day of school, Harry still managed to curl himself against Niall, within the cage that Niall had created with his body. 

It made Zayn's heart soar seeing them like that. He knew the road ahead could potentially be a long one, filled with more hurt feelings, broken promises and plenty of tears but he also knew that regardless of how many steps Niall forced himself to take back, to keep him and Harry and their relationship safe he'd never make the distance immeasurable. He'd leave himself an easy way back because if  _ever_  Harry needed him Niall would be there and he'd take the steps back towards him, he'd haul ass to get to Harry.

Zayn knew the same went for Harry.

 

Watching Niall clutch at Harry's shoulders, whisper words Zayn couldn't hear into Harry's skin gave Zayn hope. 

Hope that they could fix this, they could make it through this. 

And it wouldn't matter that Harry had to date a pretty brunette from Hollywoods most talked about family or that Louis may or may not have a crush on a blonde Irishman who belonged to Harry, break up or no. (Zayn still needed to press Louis on that 'crush' of his)

Nothing would matter because they were better,  _stronger_. 

 

They could weather those storms, weather  _any_  storms and the way Niall nuzzled into Harry's curls like he never wanted to stop made Zayn believe,  _really believe_  that they could. 

 

****

 

The 23rd of November wasn't really anything to speak of. Other than moving to a new hotel, they had nothing major planned. A day to just goof off or hang out, go out or whatever. Though Zayn had a feeling that none of them were too keen on doing anything major. Harry and Niall usually went off on their own or got the boys involved in something but now with them...well ya know, Zayn just figured everyone would do their own thing whether that meant calling home and catching up with family and friends (Zayn knew he was gonna call his mum then Perrie,) or heading down to the gym to work off some steam (which they all needed) it would be a pretty boring day. 

 

Zayn walked back from the lobby where he'd gone to get better reception to call his family, excited and feeling lighter than he had in days after talking to his mum and catching up with Perrie. He didn't tell any of them about the drama between their favorite 'it' couple, it would've broken his mums heart and Perrie would have been on the war path, he'd tell them but in the moment he sort of just wanted to hear their voices.

 

Humming under his breath, a song he couldn't place, he unlocked the door to his and Harry's shared room. 

Good and bad scenario that. 

Good because he was excited to have time with Harry, could keep an eye on him.

Bad because Harry was sharing a room with Zayn and Harry only ever roomed with Niall so it felt like Zayn was  _personally_  driving a wedge into an already gaping wound even though when he thought about it he wasn't the one doing the wedging at the moment. That one was all Louis.

 

Though he was glad for the chance to share with Harry regardless, glad that the youngest boy wasn't alone. Zayn knew he was still on edge from watching Louis and Niall yesterday, still a little tender, maybe a little numb. 

Even after Niall had held him and kissed him, which is an entirely different conversation because  _the_   _fuck_? They're taking a break, do couples usually kiss so much when they're 'on break'? Zayn had never done that...with people he had broken things off with.

If anything that should just prove to those two knuckleheads that they weren't supposed to be without each other. They weren't meant to ever be apart, broken up, yeah that's not really for 'Narry'. That's not how they 'roll'.

 

But the more Zayn thought about it the more bizarre it seemed to him.

 

And not just Niall and Harry's behavior. 

 

He wondered how it could have possibly all changed, shifted the way it had. Had one girl, one date with said girl really have flipped their entire dynamic so drastically?

First Zayn was angry at Harry for hurting Niall and then he just wanted everyone to stop crying, and then he wished for a reprieve from all the tension, and now he doesn't even know how to feel about Louis because what is he  _fucking smoking_ that would make him think going after Niall was okay, was acceptable?! 

And then he was happy, hopeful even because Niall and Harry had had a moment in the dressing room yesterday and Niall had sent Harry a smile on stage, perfect.

 

But the last couple of days alone had just...sucked. 

No Zayn hadn't  _actually_  been hurt, but watching Niall and now Harry hurt, go through this, fall apart the way they have has put strain on all of them. Zayn just wants everything to be better, he wants all of them to be better and happy and whole again but he still doesn't know how to help. He's more of a watch from the sidelines, observe and take note, kind of guy. But right now, with hearts and love lives and relationships on the line Zayn really wished he was more knowledgeable about how to take action in this particular scenario.

  
Zayn walked into the hotel suite he's sharing with Harry, sleepy but happy for the day off, calm after having talked to his family.

He knew things weren't going to be good tomorrow because they had the AMA's and would be going to an after party with Kendall in tow. He wasn't looking forward to that...actually he knew none of them were.

 

It struck him halfway into the suite that it was quiet, too quiet in there. He didn't think Harry went out, he had said he was just gonna 'hang' maybe go to the hotels gym and run for a while but he didn't seem too enthusiastic about that so Zayn figured he was still here...somewhere. 

Sleeping maybe. Harry did look exceptionally drained.

And then he heard it.

 

A very faint giggle. 

Niall's giggle.

 

Niall was there in their room, and he was...laughing? 

 

And Zayn being Zayn, obsessed with all things Niall and Harry he tip-toed to the closed door, leaned in to hear what was going on that was making Niall laugh. 

He had to bite his lip against his smile because if Niall was in there with Harry and he was laughing that might mean things were better! Oh Zayn would give anything to have things be better!

 

And then Niall laughed again, a little louder this time and Harry's deep chuckle sounded right after it and Zayn snickered into his hand, giddy because  _maybe they made up!_  


Their laughter mingling, blending together sounded like old times, how it should be, how it should _always_ be and it made Zayn so happy he thought he might _explode._  


There was a slight clatter from inside the room, a brief scuffling sound and Zayn jumped before pressing closer to the door. He wondered briefly if that upside down glass to the door thing really works but then Niall was laughing, hard and real and happy and Zayn really thought he might pass out he was so excited and he couldn't possibly leave now, he simply couldn't. 

And Harry was laughing back, that goofy, huck-ing guffaw of his. It was wonderful, really and truly wonderful. He looked down to see that the door he thought was closed wasn't actually  _completely_  closed after all. The latch hadn't hooked into the slot that would keep it shut so with the gentlest of taps it swung open a couple of inches. 

Not enough that he'd be able to see them or where they'd see him but plenty where it was easier to hear them. 

This was important and Zayn  _needed_  to know what was going on. Call him what you will but he's invested in his friends and their happiness so this was completely necessary. It wasn't an invasion of privacy, nope, not at all, absolutely not!

 

He heard Harry clear his throat, then the soft smack of lips and Niall was still giggling but it was muffled. He made that squeaking sound that came from Harry kissing him, the sound that Zayn would never tell anyone, ( _ever)_ made his stomach flip-flop. Then, "I love you Niall, love you so much." 

 

A sigh, a heavy, slightly dreamy sigh before Niall responded. "I love you too Harry," and then Zayn heard them kissing...again with the kissing thing! Geez!

Did they make up or were they just...kissing? Was this gonna be a thing with them? If so Zayn wasn't game because he didn't like all this false hope.

As if he needed another reason to despise Harry and Niall being separated. 

 

"No don't," Niall whispered but there were still lips smacking and Harry chuckled quietly.

Niall moaned softly before he huffed again. Another squeak. There was some rustling and a bit of shuffling and then, "Harry no," Niall said a little more vehemently this time and Zayn was started to get a little worried. That didn't sound good...did it?

 

"Babe," Harry whined. 

 

"No Harry, stop, please stop," and then there was a smack. Ouch, Zayn wasn't even on the other end of that and he knew that that hurt. 

Was Harry trying to force himself onto Niall, oh hell no! Crouched and ready to pounce, Zayn had to hold on to the door frame to keep himself from busting in and saving Niall. 

Niall could handle himself, prior bitch slap as evidence but Zayn was ready to spring at any moment should Niall need back up.

 

"Uh ow," Harry said it like a question. 

 

"Sorry," Niall whispered, "But I did say no," Zayn could imagine the look Niall was giving Harry. Like "boy you be trippin' not listenin' to me"!

 

"But-"

 

"Harry, I said I needed space, not sex. We're not doing that." Niall's word was law. 

 

"Ah you came here remember," and apparently Harry was a bit of a law breaker. 

 

"Yeah but not to have sex," Harry didn't say anything to that, "I was worried about you."

 

Harry was quiet for a while, Zayn imagined under normal circumstances how Harry would be rubbing his face on any exposed skin that he could reach. Like how a kitten looking for affection would nudge against a hand that had stopped scratching behind their ears, annoyed at the lack of attention coming their way. That was Harry. 

But these weren't 'normal circumstances' and even though Harry and Niall had no problem kissing like nothing was wrong, stuff wasn't necessarily  _right_  either.

 

"You shouldn't worry about me sweets m'fine," his speech slurred more than usual. Niall noticed it too.

 

"You're not  _fine_  Harry, neither of us are...you can talk to me, you know you can,"

 

"But isn't it weird now, with ya know, everything,"

 

"Babe you just had your hand shoved down my pants, tongue in my ear," Zayn shuddered from his hiding spot, there was a line he'd drawn long ago with those two and well, dangerous territory is all Zayn'll say on the matter.

"If that's not weird with everything else, talking to me should be a piece a cake," and then another slapping sound, maybe Niall patting his legs, "So, c'mon what's up."

 

Harry huffed, loud and exaggerated. Niall must be giving him the eyes, Harry was a sucker for  _the eyes_. They all kinda were but Harry was the worst. 

Figuring Niall was no longer in harms way Zayn plopped himself down on the floor, settling against the wall from his place outside the door, ears intent on the voices inside.

 

"Don't wanna tell you," Harry murmured, he could be such a child sometimes. 

 

"Babes-"

 

"No, Niall I shouldn't tell you it's not fair," how could he go from whiny 3 year old to proper and mature just like that?! Zayn didn't even have time to blink! 

 

"Please," and the eyes probably widened, weakening the last of Harry's defenses. He was powerless against those huge, baby blues. 

 

"It's just,"  _that_   _you're a sucker, Zayn thought._  "Louis."

 

  
_Oh_.

Well that's...yeah, it was Louis! Go on Haz, what's on your mind then?!

 

"What about Louis," Niall asked, sounding well and wholly confused.

 

Harry paused then, and Zayn wondered what the hold up was. But then Harry was stuttering out a response 

"Just...didn't like how he was all over you yesterday...not that I have any right to be jealous because I don't. I lost that right the moment I left to be with Kendall even when you asked me not to. And yeah I dunno...I just hated seeing the two of you laughing and joking and messing about, was like you were rubbing the fact that I screwed up in my face."

When he had finished Zayn sensed that something was off. Yes he was a professional people (Narry) watcher but he was also good at listening, hearing and deciphering things without actually looking at the people straight on, merely having their voices to go on. 

Zayn could hear in Harry's voice that he was holding something back.

 

"Oh Harry," Niall whispered.

 

"I know it's not my place because you and I are kinda on a break type thing but...I mean, you're not...no he's not and...ugh. I have no right-"

 

"You have every right," Niall breathed, sounding quite frantic. He could picture how his eyes would have gone wild, wide and crazy with his need to have Harry understand him. 

"You have every right," he took a deep breath, "I'm sorry Harry...I don't know what to say..."

 

"You don't have to say anything Ni, I kinda deserved it."

 

"No you didn't, you  _don't..._ I'm sorry, I had no idea that it was...I was just sad and-"

 

"And Louis was there with arms wide open yeah I know," it was so bitter and harsh Zayn flinched. Harry didn't talk to anyone like that and he most certainly never spoke to  _Niall_  like that. His tone did a good job of showing how hurt Harry was by all this. How truly betrayed he felt by his best friend.

 

Niall sighed, "'M such a fuckin' hypocrite, I was upset with you for goin' out with Kendall and then I turned around and did the same..." Niall didn't finish.

 

"It's not really the same thing sweets," Harry said and Zayn was still trying to decide if it was the same. Zayn wasn't mad at Niall in this situation he was mad at Louis. But when Harry did it, Zayn was mad at Kendall and Harry, hell he was fucking pissed at the world.

 

And it wasn't like Niall even knew what was happening. If Harry hadn't said he was jealous Niall probably would have never known. It must be nice to always be so blissfully unaware. Sure Niall would always bend over backwards to make Harry feel better when he was upset but he wouldn't always know what the tears were for, he'd just want them to stop. It wasn't a bad thing, sometimes Zayn wished he could be a little more like that, maybe it'd be easier to get to sleep at night.

 

"But-"

 

"Ni, I'm don't see it that way," but Zayn kind of thought that Harry did. See it that way. Louis was doing the same thing to Harry that Harry had done to Niall. Giving Harry a taste of his own medicine and what not but still, that's not right. Probably knowing that Niall wouldn't pick up on it, his intentions.

Niall isn't Louis' to use like that, regardless of a break up or Niall's obliviousness or anything else.

And judging by the twinge in Harry's tone, Zayn figured that's what Harry was thinking too. Thinking but not saying to Niall. And again, blissfully unaware.

 

Niall was content and in his arms, it wasn't a surprise to Zayn that Harry was being so careful not to overstep and wasn't saying anything that might get Niall to leave before Harry was ready to let him go.

 

"Harry, Lou's me best mate you know that. Just like Leemo or Zayn-"

 

"Should I be using your own words against you..." Harry asked and Zayn heard Niall make a little questioning sound. Peeking his head around the doorway he could just barely see the top of Niall's head where he was lying sprawled on the floor, and then he saw Harry move to hover over him, curls just visible in Zayn's line of sight.

 

"Please don't fall in love with Louis," clever, Zayn thought. But a there was so much possessiveness and jealousy in his voice, in the way he said it that Zayn could actually feel the air in the room thicken.

Judging by the way Niall snickered, Harry must've had a goofy look on his face, maybe he was pouting, that always made Niall laugh.

 

"I would never do that," Niall whispered, Zayn watched his hands reach up, fingers tangle themselves in Harry's curls. "Never,  _ever_."

 

And then Harry growled, lips attaching themselves to Niall's, the blonde sighing out through his nose, breathy and happy. 

 

"Just because I asked for some space doesn't mean I'm not still 100% yours." 

 

Harry growled again but it sounded more playful, a little impish, frisky even.

 

"Still mine," Harry asked, Zayn could hear the smile in his voice. 

 

Niall hummed soft and sweet, "Always yours, but only," Zayn saw Niall hold up a finger, pointing it at Harry challengingly. "If you're still mine. And only mine."

 

"As if I would ever be anybody else's and don't even say the name Kendall." And Harry ducked down to nip Niall's nose, making him snicker. Something in Zayn fluttered at the way Niall didn't push Harry away.

 

And when Harry sat back Niall made a stubborn, impatient sort of sound before Zayn watched him tug Harry back down to his level, biting at Harry's mouth till he opened up for him and Niall just radiated happiness, so pure and strong like everything was finally right in his world again. The entire atmosphere changed, for the better as Harry simply melted against him, body pressing Niall's down into the carpeted floor.

 

It turned into a proper snog pretty fast and Zayn decided to leave just in case Niall went back on his threat of no sex. 

And when they started laughing again, Zayn couldn't help but wonder...

If being in Harry's arms, with Harry's lips on his was all it took to make Niall feel whole again, why did he even bother to ask for space?

 

And as a breathy moan broke through the air Zayn shuddered _, dancing with the line again_  his mind wailed at him, before thinking that this was the least break-like break  _ever_! Christ they were so bad at being without each other!

 

But of course Zayn wasn't unhappy about that, what was there to dislike about that? Honestly?

 

****

 

He gave them 2 hours, he went to Liam's and they played Fifa for a bit before ordered room service. He and Liam had a good laugh about the fact that Niall was in their room with Harry, and they were probably still snogging, if they hadn't moved on to other things that is.

 

"They're like fucking magnets," Liam barked out through a laugh. And Zayn nearly spit out his soda, it burned his nose when he started choking on it but, "Fuck you see it too?!"

 

And Liam just laughed harder.

 

So fast forward 2 hours and Zayn's tip toeing back into the room, cautious and wary. Ears straining to hear anything he wouldn't want to so he could run before he got scarred. 

 

It was pretty quiet so he dubbed it safe, meandering back to the bedroom. He nearly yelped when he saw the state of the room, covering his mouth as he struggled to even out his breathing, eyes running over the clothes strewn over absolutely every surface in the room.

 

Niall's red briefs, laying over the lamp,  _lovely_. 

 

He sneaked around the corner, slowly, eyes closed before he heard Harry snort quietly.

 

Peeking one eye open he saw Harry laying on his bed staring at him looking  _way_  too pleased with himself and the way Zayn looked about ready to have a heart attack. But seriously Zayn had every right to be afraid of what he'd find in this room after what he left those two doing earlier.

 

"You really need to get back into the sock on the door habit, that was perfect," and just as he said it he noticed the blonde head tucked into the crook of Harry's neck. Zayn raised an eyebrow at him, pointing at Niall and Harry just smiled sheepishly.  One shoulder lifting in a shrug.

He'd seen the briefs on the lamp but now... HOLY SHIT NIALL'S SKIVVIES WERE ON THE LAMP! 

Oh the implications of that statement but YES, this was good! This was so good!

 

He took in the scene, really took it in, Niall's clothes were in a pile, save for his underwear and Harry's were everywhere, which was funny because Harry was the kind of person who ironed his socks, so naturally he'd placed Niall's clothes in a neat pile at the foot of the bed when he'd taken them off. Whereas Harry's were everywhere because Niall wasn't organized in anything, whilst driven by passion it was probably ten times worse. Zayn just found it funny.

The top blanket was on the floor, while the sheet was low on Niall's naked back where Niall was on his stomach, the sheet lifted where he had a leg tossed over Harry's, toes poking out on the other side of Harry's body. Face smushed against Harry's neck, arms twisted together along Harry's side, that didn't look comfortable.

 

The sheet shifted as Harry did, tucking one arm behind his head so he could look at Zayn better, lowering and exposing his butterfly tattoo in all it's glory.

Harry had his fingers in Niall's hair, twisting blonde strands around his long digits, that was always cathartic for Harry, touching Niall's hair. Touching any part of Niall really.

Zayn merely smiled at him, happy for them even if it didn't mean things were better, really and truly better. He made his way over to his suitcase while Harry moved to pull Niall closer, figuring he didn't really want to talk or discuss anything at the moment.

He looked so tired. 

Harry needed to sleep so why wasn't he?

 

"Zayn," and Zayn paused where he was digging through his case for something more comfortable to sleep in. 

He turned to see Harry with his nose buried in Niall's hair who was still dead asleep, soft purr-like snores puffing out against Harry's collarbones, Zayn figured that's why Harry was getting goosebumps.

 

He watched the way Harry's fingers flexed where they were wrapped around Niall's and around his shoulder. Knuckles going white.

 

"Yeah," he said, voice deafening in the quiet room. He cursed himself before clearing his throat awkwardly. 

 

"'M afraid to sleep," Harry whispered. And he watched the way the blanket shifted as Harry moved around to get closer to Niall, to get Niall closer to him. Close enough would never be  _close enough._  


"Afraid to close my eyes," and Harry wouldn't look away from Niall who was sleeping soundly in his arms. 

"What if it's not good when we wake up, what if it's bad again and he leaves."

 

Zayn sighed, not really knowing what to say here. 

 

"Day to day Haz, that's how you gotta do this," and he shrugged knowing the answer sucked and probably wouldn't help. He stepped up to the bed placing a hand on Harry's covered ankle, "Hey okay, I can't promise you it'll be better when you wake up but I can promise that I'll be here and Liam too and if things aren't good you can always  _make_  them good again."

 

Harry eyes met his after a moment but he didn't say anything.

 

"Things are good now aren't they, who's to say they won't be after some sleep?" 

 

Harry nodded his head, eyes wide but so trusting. It was easy to forget that Harry was actually the youngest in the band but sometimes, more and more recently, he'd do something that would remind Zayn that he was the baby, even though Niall's their baby more often than not. And the way Harry was looking at him then was so open and honest and Zayn felt like he was suffocating having so much blind faith being placed in him. It was unnerving but an honor all the same.

 

Zayn patted his leg before turning back to his suitcase with a small smile of his face. 

 

"Thanks Zayn," Harry sighed as he snuffled into Niall's hair, the blonde hummed in his sleep, pressing closer to Harry. Zayn loved the way he could see Harry's heart swell in those green eyes of his. Watched as Harry fell a little deeper in love with his blonde better half.

 

He had to clear his throat around his heart that had jammed its way up there at the display he'd just witnessed, "Sweet dreams Harry,"

 

And Zayn couldn't tell if the smile that spread across Harry's face was because of his words or the boy he had in his arms but a minute later when Harry started snoring in time with Niall, breath blowing blonde locks off pale skin, Zayn figured it didn't really matter anyways. 

 

 


	8. The 24th of November

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You're making it sound like it’s a bad thing...like it's wrong for us to want each other. So what if we're taking a break, we're still in love...aren't we?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I hope everybody had a nice holiday, I know I did! I spent Christmas in Ireland with my family, it was cold and rainy and windy but wonderful. I tried to get them to at least drive through Mullingar, because Niall and we were right freaking there but no go! :/  
> Oh well...
> 
> And happy new year! I'll forever be stuck in 2008 though so...
> 
> Here's the next part...sorry for any remaining mistakes I've edited this so many times its ridiculous!  
> Warning: Narry has a fight....I'm sorry xxx

Zayn had woken up to the sound of gentle kissing and it took him a moment to remember where he was and what he'd walked in on last night.  
And then there was quiet murmuring and a sleepy sort of sound, a high pitched mewl that Zayn knew was the sound Niall makes when he wakes up, the sound he makes when he stretches in the morning after he's had a really good sleep. Oh I wonder what Niall's reason for sleeping so soundly is...oh wait! It took a great deal of effort to suppress the gag Zayn could feel in his throat as thoughts of what those two got up to last night filled his still foggy, sleep addled brain.

  
When he heard Niall begin to stutter and scramble, the sheets rustling quickly Zayn knew this wasn't going to be good. He knew it. So he stayed where he was, didn't dare roll over and alert them that he was actually awake and listening to everything.  
"We shouldn't' ve done that."  
And Zayn could imagine the way Harry had sat up, ramrod straight gaping at the blonde that had just wiggled himself out of his arms and across the mattress away from him.

"Jesus fuck, I wanted space Haz and instead we end up fucking...what the hell?!"  
"Ni-"  
"Harry I'm sorry but this wasn't supposed to happen."  
"You're making it sound like it’s a bad thing...like it's wrong for us to want each other. So what if we're taking a break, we're still in love...aren't we?"

"Of course Harry but-"  
"But what," And then the sheets were shifting again as Zayn assumed Harry was getting up from the bed too. He could hear them both wrestle themselves into their underwear and Niall began slipping on his clothes, he tugged the blanket higher around his shoulders, as if that could shield him from this, maybe he'd be lucky and it would make him disappear.  
He doesn't want them to fight. Zayn's so tired of fighting, so tired of tears.   
No more please no more!

"But this isn't what I wanted,"

"I'm not what you want..."  
"What?! I didn't say that,"  
"You didn't have to,"  
"But that's not what I actually said. Christ stop putting words in my mouth...Just...I asked for space and I still want that because tonight you're supposed to start seeing her again and it's just gonna get harder and I don't need to watch you loving her up in front of the cameras thanks but I'll pass on that."

 

"Right because that's totally different from you and Louis"

  
"Of course it's different, Louis and I don't like each other. You like Kendall and she'd be an idiot not to like you back."

 

"For the last time Niall  _I. Do. Not. Like Kendall,_ she's nothing to me. I don't know how else to say it to make you believe me."

Niall was quiet for a few moments as he buttoned his pants, Zayn heard him do up the fly. 

He could only assume Niall was staring at Harry now. Then Niall cleared his throat and it echoed off the walls in the otherwise silent room.  
"I should go,"   
"No Niall don't go, baby don't, please we shouldn't leave it like this,"

  
"No I really need to go, this was a mistake and I need to leave,"   
"You're mad at me," it wasn't a question.  
"I'm not mad Harry I just can't be here right now..."

  
"But you're upset..."  
"Yeah,"  
"With me,"  
He didn't say anything. 

 

"Fine Niall whatever, go, go on run back to Louis because he'll make it  _all better_ , he'll make everything better like I apparently  _can't_ ,"  
And Zayn could hear Niall's breathing pick up as Harry ranted and seethed and then, "You're a fucking idiot," and then they were kissing. Like wet sloppy kissing, snogging, angry and passionate and Zayn could practically hear their tongues tangling together and Harry was groaning as Niall gasped and panted and the clothes Niall had just put on landed back on the floor.

  
Since Zayn had a very strict policy regarding what he was willing to 'sit' in on, had a list he followed like it was his religion, what was going on right now was most definitely on the never fucking EVER side of that list, he wasn't ever privy to this side of their relationship, not that he wanted to be. 

Because he certainly didn't! 

Were they into angry sex? Did they like to toy with the other, get the other all riled up with harsh words or jealousy or whatever. Zayn never pegged them as such.   
It had never occurred to him before, because well why would it? They hardly ever fought to begin with.   
Okay so maybe it wasn't angry sex necessarily and rather it was a heat of the moment kind of thing.

  
Yeah that sounded better. Heat of the moment, Harry's already deep voice dropping into an even lower register with the jealousy he had clinging to his insides, did all the right things to Niall. Making him just the right combination of hot and bothered and bam Niall was raring to go, shit he did not just think that!

This was so bad, he can't think of things like this, it's private, it's personal, and he probably already violates them enough by eavesdropping on majority of their conversations and watching them from afar whenever they're together.

And then the first moan broke out, Zayn couldn't take it anymore, rolling out of bed with a yelp, eyes averted as to not be burned by the sight he scurried from the room, yelling "You two are fucking exhausting," as he went.

  
And it dawned on him as he was stumbling down the hall to the sanctuary also known as Liam's room that Niall and Harry probably weren't going to wake him up.  
Those arseholes!   
They would've let Zayn wake up to them having...sex. That's appalling and disturbing and nauseating and every other negative adjective that could even _remotely_  apply.

Shit is nothing sacred anymore?! Zayn cringed, high tailing it faster down the hall to Liam's room.

 

****

 

Zayn knew today wasn't going to be good. 

The 24th, they had the AMA's later. And Harry's supposed to go to a party with Kendall afterwards. Actually, he'd heard that it was  _her_ party.

 

  
_Great_.

 

He lay sprawled on Liam's bed, Liam was looking for his adapter that he  _can't fucking find anywhere_ , or so he kept saying.

 

Zayn kept thinking about his favorite couple, he couldn't get them out of his head actually. 

He didn't want Niall to get hurt anymore but knew that it was inevitable. Heck, he didn't want anyone to get hurt anymore but management wanted Harry to be with Kendall for a little while so what can he do? 

 

Harry, who was suffering just as much as Niall was, what with his best friend taking an interest in what belonged to him…

 

Zayn had seen it on Friday when they were rehearsing for their performance on the X Factor, had watched turmoil rage deep within the depths of Harry's mossy eyes, knew Harry had never wanted to fight their bosses on something so bad, never the way he wanted to fight this.

Had watched Harry watch Louis with Niall and knew the youngest boy wanted nothing more than to disobey managements’ orders to date this Los Angeles beauty and make up with Niall once and for all  because losing Niall wasn't worth all the album sales in the world.

 

Zayn knew it, understood it and agreed. Completely.

And then there was Niall.

Niall who Harry hadn't lost…yet? 

Shit he hated that that was even a question, why did Louis have to be so stupid.

 

He was deep in thought when Liam popped up from across the room, adapter in hand, "Found it," he cheered, "I found it," in an indoor voice this time.

Zayn forced a smile because he wasn't in a good mood anymore.

Not even the knowledge that Harry and Niall were 'getting it on' in his room made him feel better because 'Hendall' and 'Nouis' and why can't everyone just leave well enough alone? Why oh why?!

 

"Hey," Liam hit the bottom of his foot as he made his way around the bed, to plug the adapter in behind the bedside table, finally able to charge his phone. 

"What's up mate, you're being...weird,"

 

Zayn didn't answer right away just crossed his arms behind his head, stared holes into the ceiling of Liam's room.

And then, "Do you think Louis actually fancies Niall or..."

 

Liam tensed as he stood to his full height. Rubbed a hand over his face tiredly, then through his hair, down the back on his neck, he looked exhausted.

Zayn was too.

 

It was Liam's turn to be quiet then, he kept shrugging his shoulders as he gave the concept some serious thought, sighing repeatedly as he tried to form a response to Zayn's question.

 

"I really don't know mate, I honestly...do you think he does or,"

Zayn shrugged his shoulders, echoed Liam's heavy sigh.

 

"Regardless we should probably talk to him about it,"

Zayn nodded his head, knew they should, knew they had to.

Wondered briefly why he hadn't done that right after it happened, or yesterday even but remembered how Niall had been in his room with Harry, distracted him to the point where he had forgotten how to breathe.

 

"How's Harry doing with all this," Liam asked him, moving to sit on the edge of his bed.

"He's dreadfully jealous but..."

Zayn gave a quiet snort of laughter and that seemed to be all the answer Liam really needed because he shook his head, eyes turning fond.

"Niall still there,"

Zayn's smile grew just a tad bit wider.

"They still shagging,"

He scoffed, kicking out at Liam, catching him right under the ribs, Liam laughed louder.

Zayn covered his face with a hand, holding up 2 fingers and Liam snickered out a "Round two, priceless,"

 

Zayn was offended and he felt a bit betrayed honestly, "'S not funny, didn't even put a sock on the door, who  _knows_  what I could've walked in on last night!"

 

Liam's apology couldn't have been more half assed even if he tried to make it that way!

 

****

 

They were heading down to Lou's suite, a joint one she shared with their stylist to get their clothes for tonight and get themselves all put together when Zayn realized he had forgotten his phone back in his room.

Liam offered to come with him when he decided he needed it, wanted to call Perrie and his mom before the show.

 

Before he even had the door opened Zayn could hear the loud voices inside.

"They can't possibly still be going at it...can they," Liam asked from behind him.

Zayn didn't think so, and those didn't sound like 'happy' sounds, they sounded angry. 

Oh for the love of all things divine and right, please don't let them be fighting again.

Two people so perfect and good for each other shouldn't be doing this much fighting.

 

The door swung open on its hinges, Zayn and Liam tip-toed down the hall, the voices got louder from where they seemed to be coming from the bedroom, definitely fighting. 

Aww fucknuts!

 

"Jesus Christ Harry I fucking told you last night that Louis' just helping me out, he's been there for me through all of this, I can't help but lean on him!"

"I don't want you to lean on him! You're supposed to lean on me; you should need  _me_   _not him!_   _Me_!" Harry sounded livid but Zayn knew that the bitterness and the fury wasn't because of Niall, it was because of Louis. All for Louis never Niall.

There was a heavy, loaded silence, Zayn held his breath as he waited for that other shoe to drop.

And when it did...it was ugly.

 

"I COULDN'T LEAN ON YOU BECAUSE YOU WEREN'T THERE! YOU WEREN'T THERE WHEN I NEEDED YOU, YOU WERE WITH KENDALL! I CAN'T HELP THAT LOUIS; MY BEST FRIEND WAS THERE WHEN YOU WEREN'T! SO JUST STOP...stop making this all about me and Louis when you've had as much a part in us falling to shit as I have!"

 

Zayn and Liam actually took a few steps back because neither had ever heard Niall yell like that, he sounded this awful mixture of mad and upset, it was hard to listen to. Zayn couldn't even imagine how Harry was handling it. Harry hated when Niall was upset or, on the rare occasion, angry and he most certainly didn't like if Niall's rage was directed at him, there because of him, he never knew how to handle Niall when he was angry. Because Niall retreated into himself when he was sore over something, he didn't want to talk to anyone, he stopped listening to reason and he definitely didn't let anyone touch him, which was what Harry was good at. Harry was the master at comforting people, especially Niall. Gathering the blonde boy in his arms and hugging and kissing and loving his troubles away, Harry was aces. 

 

Shit this had to just be eating Harry up from the inside out right now! 

Zayn heard heavy breathing and then Harry’s deep voice, he sounded shaken. Zayn didn’t blame him, he’d be shaken too if Niall just yelled at him like that.

 

“I’m only with Kendall because management set us up! Baby this all for show, you need to know that! Tell me you know that,” they were still in the bedroom and if Niall replied, Zayn didn’t hear it.  “Love, I know me being with her hurts you but it’s what I have to do, I can’t lose you and I’m afraid that if I stop seeing her, they’ll find a way to take you away from me. I can’t let that happen,”

 

There was a scuffling sound and it was reminiscent of last night, Zayn could only hope that they’d start kissing again rather than continue fighting.

“You don’t get it…you keep telling me that you don’t have feelings for her but I can’t….I can’t believe that. Not when you text her even when I’m around to distract you and you smile at your phone, and you laugh at the things she says…Harry it’s like I don’t even fucking exist if Kendall’s there to talk to. You don’t even fucking acknowledge me if she’s on the other end of the phone.

“Louis and I are just friends, you have nothing to worry about but I…I can’t help but worry when your eyes light up for her the way they only ever should for me,”

 

Wow.

 

That was all Zayn could think when Niall finished. He obviously can’t watch them all he wants andt he isn’t there for everything, he doesn’t have a front row seat to every little thing that happens between them, which he’s glad for but that also means he misses things. Like how apparently Harry actually does have semi-maybe-sort of- kinda -feelings for Kendall.

 

Maybe they aren’t strong or even remotely threatening to Niall if you asked Harry but to Niall it probably seemed like war waiting to be waged…a fight he couldn’t win. Niall was good, too good, at thinking he wasn’t up to par with the rest of the world. Harry helped him with that, Harry’s love made Niall better but now Niall probably saw Harry’s affections straying and that was something he couldn’t deal with. At least not rationally…if Kendall was simply a media stunt, then it’d be no biggie but Niall had his reasons for not seeing it that way. Niall had clearly seen something in Harry these last couple of weeks or so that nobody else did that gave him reason to doubt his relationship. Maybe his doubts were the _real_  reason Niall asked for a break. He just played it off as something else…

 

Niall can’t see everything the way Harry wants him too and their curly haired cohort doesn’t understand why.  

 

Zayn thought he got it though. It made sense to him, Niall’s reasons. He didn’t know how to explain it to Harry though. That’d be a task all its own.

 

Poor Niall…somebody needs to tell him that Harry’s his, pretty lady friend or no.

 

Zayn was about to start analyzing Niall's words even further, delve deeper when the boy in question came stalking out of the bedroom, red faced and furious with his clothes hanging haphazardly from his body, hair an utter mess on top of his head. He made this awful, frustrated growling sound like he was just beyond fed up with everyone, everything, Harry especially. What Zayn assumed were angry tears had made violent tracks down his splotchy cheeks, he and Liam ducked back a bit but Niall didn't make it much further as Harry was there, right behind him forcing him to a stop.

 

"Could you quit running away from me! Jesus-" Harry sighed and Niall wheeled around, Zayn was glad for it because he didn't want to see the look in Niall's eyes. He didn't want to have nightmares about Niall's perfect, sweet face marred by this scary wrath of his. Harry held his hands up defensively.  
"Niall baby I'm sorry but…but I-I don’t know what to say,” Niall’s little confession had left Harry somewhat speechless. Maybe he was speechless because he couldn’t deny the things Niall had just said…Zayn sure hoped that wasn't the case, he didn’t want there to be any truth to Harry’s ‘feelings’ for Kendall.  

 

Zayn didn’t want any more rifts between Harry and Niall, no more; none of them could take any more!

And then Harry spoke, “I can't help that I'm jealous,"

Really Harry, of all the things to say right now that’s what you choose?!

 

Zayn saw Niall’s shoulders tense, giving away how stunned by Harry’s choice of words he was too.

 

"You're a piece a work you know that! You’re still acting as if none of this affects me too! As you're the only one who's being put out by this! Do you think none of this hurts me? Because it does! I’m going to say this all one last time and maybe you’ll finally hear it….

"I _hate_ knowing you’re with Kendall when you aren't with me, because it makes everything inside of me hurt! Stop pretending that you don’t know exactly what all this does to me! How all of this makes my stomach turn, or how it turns my skin green. It makes me _sick_ knowing that you text her after I fall asleep,” Zayn heard Harry whisper, ‘I didn’t last night’, but if Niall heard him he didn't care, he pressed on,  “And how you smile over her like you smile at me, it makes it hard for me to breathe and I feel like you don't even care! I hate  _all_  of this Harry, every bit of it so don’t you go thinking for even one second that I don’t!

 

"Niall-"

"And another thing you keep bringing up Louis and I as if we're a thing. He's my best friend Harry that's all; I need a friend right now so stop getting your panties all in a wad...

"And quit acting like he and I are having this great scandalous, torrid affair behind your back. I would never do that; I would sooner shoot myself in the foot then cheat on you. Jesus Christ do you really think-"

 

"Niall I want to believe that you wouldn't cheat on me but if you get lonely enough who knows what could happen?! Louis might be exactly what you need to forget about how mad you are at me,"

 

"You seriously have  _that_  little faith in me," now Niall was offended. Oh no.

His head turned down to floor and if he was crying again, they wouldn't be angry tears.

"It has nothing to do with that sweets," Harry sighed, his comforting boyfriend instincts kicking in, he lifted a hand to brush along Niall's cheek but when he tried to lift Niall's head the blonde shoved him away.

 

"Then what does it have to do with _Harry_ , because it sounds to me like you think I'm not strong enough to resist temptation. I love you, you thick headed bastard, that's all the strength I need."

 

Harry didn't say anything, head downturned in shame.

 

"And besides it's not like Louis even likes me so it-" 

Harry's head whipped up, eyes hard on Niall before he cut him off midstream.

"Would it matter if he did," his voice wavered and Zayn really wished he could hit rewind, go back to this morning when he heard them wake up, heard them kissing because he'd tell them they were stupid and just be done with. He wished he could go back so none of this would’ve happened; sadly life didn’t work like that.

 

Zayn heard Niall swallow hard, "What," he squeaked.

Harry cleared his throat, took a step closer so he was right in Niall's space, "Would it matter to you if Louis did fancy you? If he had feelings for you, would it change anything?"

 

"He doesn't though,"

Harry's sigh was noisy, sounded painful even from where Zayn was standing. He could feel his own chest pinch at the sound.

"That's not what I asked," it was the tremor in his voice that got Zayn. He had to bite the inside of his mouth to ward off his tears. Maybe Harry liked Kendall more than he should but why was Niall stalling. Why doesn’t he just answer the question and be done with it? 

What’s the hold up, seriously?

"I asked if it would matter to you if he did, and let's just assume that he does...would you choose him,"

 

Niall was quiet for far longer than any of them would've liked and Harry looked so scared. His lips had been chewed raw as he anxiously awaited Niall's answer.

 

"This is absurd Harry," but the fire, the fight in his voice was nearly all gone. "Louis doesn't like me, you're being ridiculous,"

Zayn didn't miss how Niall  _still_  hadn't answered the question, it made his stomach turn because none of this was ever supposed to happen, not to Niall and Harry! They weren't supposed to have problems like other people, like normal people because they were stronger, better. But apparently even the strong can become weak in the face of certain obstacles, even the best fall down sometimes.

It still made Zayn sick though, right down to his bones.

 

He watched the way Harry sagged, deflated at Niall's lack of a proper answer and Zayn figured Harry felt nauseous over this whole thing too.

 

"Ask him then," Zayn heard Harry whisper but it wasn't completely bitter, there was something else in it that Zayn couldn't place. The words probably weren't meant for Niall to hear but Harry wasn't that lucky.

"What," 

Harry's shoulders heaved, worn out and dejected, "I said, ask him if you don't believe me." Niall didn't move, "Find out for yourself."

 

Niall took a couple steps back before he started nodding his head slowly, resolutely, "Okay," he said, "Okay I will."

And behind him Liam's breathing changed, a frantic, "No don't let him go," slipped from his lips but it was no more than a whisper.

Zayn had actually forgotten that he was there, he was so quiet and Zayn had been so consumed. He reached a hand back, squeezed at Liam's shoulder gently in an attempt to soothe his best friend. Was it wrong that he was glad he now had Liam to do this sort of thing with, Liam's reactions alone gave away how hooked on all this he'd become.

 

Zayn knew better than anyone else though how very addicting Niall and Harry and their relationship, their dynamic can be. It's worse than a drug, really.

He was just sorry that Liam had to get hooked when his favorite couple were seemingly at their lowest, why couldn’t’ ve Liam got bit by that bug when Niall and Harry were happy, so happy and ready to take on the world with their love and mutual adoration of each other?

Harry's choppy voice brought him back to the situation at hand, "Niall wait I-"

But Niall was already stalking around back towards the door.

 

For whatever reason Zayn found himself unable to breathe as Niall tore past him and Liam, they cowered further against the wall. And as soon as he was past, Liam let out a huge whoosh of air, having been holding his breath. 

Niall didn't even notice them though, intent on getting the truth, hearing Louis' side of the story.

Zayn knew though, that he was _more intent_  on fixing his relationship with Harry, getting back to good as it were, Niall's priority would always be Harry. Regardless of any girl Harry had to ‘date’.

Zayn assumed the same went for Harry, about getting their relationship back to a certain point.

 

But then again he couldn't be sure of that at the moment. Considering how Harry just willingly sent Niall to Louis, who, as of late had been like a lion on the prowl. Harry just told Niall to go to him that's like sending a lamb,  _his lamb_  to slaughter.

 

What had he just done?!

 

*****

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what do you guys think of Liam being Zayn's partner in crime, is it less creepy if Zayn watches them when he has somebody else doing it too...
> 
> More confrontation to come!  
> Finally get to hear what Louis' got to say for himself and see what Niall thinks about it all!  
> thanks for reading, let me know what you think! xxx.


	9. Hypocritical

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hypocrite.  
> That was the one thing running through Zayn’s head, echoing louder and louder in the drawn out silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't write short chapters...ever!  
> Sorry for any mistakes or 'tense' issues, this one gave me problems...

It hit Zayn like a freight train. This one thought, one concept...one word smacked him in the face as the door shut behind their blonde friend.

Hypocrite. That was the one thing running through Zayn’s head, echoing louder and louder in the drawn out silence.

Niall was gone, having left in flurry, Zayn still was unable to move.

Zayn couldn’t even tell if Liam was breathing anymore. When he turned to check, Liam was slumped against the wall looking like he’d just seen a ghost.

Zayn felt like his world had just been rocked on its axis. Like the very fabric of his existence, everything he believed in had just been disproved, shaken to its very core.

Nothing was right.

Everything was wrong.

A crash came from the living room.

Zayn and Liam were on their feet, leaping into action. 

_Harry!_

 

Shit what if he had hurt himself, Zayn felt his blood run cold.

 

When they rounded the corner, Harry was on his knees, shoulders heaving with the coffee table overturned in front of him. The vase that had sat on the table top wasn't anymore, fresh flowers no longer inside scattered on the ground, water everywhere, seeping towards Harry’s legs where his weight compressed the plush carpet.

 

He had his arms bent against his head, hands tearing at his hair, body shaking with silent sobs. He kept gasping for air, big labored inhales that seemed to do very  little to replenish his oxygen as another wave of shivers rippled through him. 

 

Liam fell to his knees, crawling over to the younger boy, he extended a hand but pulled it back before it could make contact with Harry, unsure if he should touch him, if that would make things better or worse. 

 

Normally Harry liked human contact when he was upset but this was different.

This was…hard to describe. 

 

Liam lost the battle with his better judgement, wrapped Harry’s body tight in his arms, pulled him close to his chest, held him in an unrelenting vice grip even when Harry began fighting him off. Zayn thought for a moment this was going to push Harry further into that pit of despair but after a brief struggle their youngest friend just let out this gut-wrenching wail, Zayn watched Liam’s heart break in his soft brown eyes.

 

Nobody said anything, Zayn just stared at Liam holding Harry, listened to him cry before he joined them on the floor. Adding his own arms to the mix, hoping this would help. 

 

“This isn’t fair,” Harry blubbered into the collar of Liam’s shirt. “Why’s this ‘appening to us?!”

Harry tried to speak around his tears but Liam just shushed him told him he didn’t have to talk till he was ready. Zayn rubbed his face against Harry’s shoulder blade to let him know he agreed with Liam. ‘Yeah what he said,’ his cheek squashed against Harry’s soft shirt, moved along his back in what Zayn hoped were easy, soothing strokes.

 

It took a while for Harry to calm down but once he did he couldn’t be kept quiet.

“I don’t get it…I don’t get any of this,” he flailed around as he got himself out of Liam’s arms. “I mean,” he sniffled, wiping his nose messily on the back of his hand, “’S like I’m not allowed to be upset about anything…am I wrong to be bothered by how Louis looks at  _my boyfriend_ ,”

Zayn and Liam both shook their heads, quickly as they sat listening intently to what Harry had to say because no, he wasn't wrong. Anybody would be bothered and if anything Harry's unrest about the whole thing should simply prove to Niall that Harry was still committed to him. Harry wouldn't be this upset about it if he wasn't still invested in his relationship with Niall 110%.

But on the other hand, Niall had every right to be upset as well, seeing as he probably didn't like how Kendall looked at Harry or how Harry acted regarding Kendall, he didn't  _have_  to like it even if it was just for show. 

Still this was one of those things that went both ways, Niall just didn't understand that!

 

He nodded his head when he saw that they agreed with him.

“I can’t help that I’m jealous…and I get that he’s jealous too but…I just don’t know what to do, s'not like I'm doing this on purpose! Paul told me this was what management wanted. This is what I had to do, I didn't have choice but Niall doesn't see it that way,"

 

Harry buried his face in his hands, took deep steadying breaths and Zayn assumed he was trying to keep himself from crying again.

"It's like he thinks I enjoy hurting him, like I enjoy seeing him cry, making him sad...I don't, I hate it obviously! I hate that he's upset because of me. And I hate how he feels like he can't let himself want me because he's afraid he'll get hurt more," Harry paused, wiped his eyes as he breathed. 

"Like last night...you don't even know how much I had to beg him just to let me touch him...maybe it was selfish of me to expect him to but I-I...I  _miss_  him," Zayn flinched at the mention of last night but it soothed him briefly knowing that Niall made Harry work for it...something about that made him feel better for some reason.

"But I don't want to hurt him anymore and  _I_  don't want to hurt either. I keep hurting him and he's hurting me and we're hurting each other...I just want it to stop," Harry's voice cracked, "I want everything to go back to normal because I'm so done with all of this," and the tears start falling again.

 

Zayn heaved a heavy mental sigh.

They were both jealous. Okay.

 

Zayn understood that. 

 

Niall had made it clear that he was hurt.

 

Harry had done the same, expressed his dislike for Niall’s growing closeness with Louis, especially with Louis’ new found feelings.

And Harry had every reason to feel uneasy just like Niall was justified in his unrest about the Kendall situation. 

But apparently Niall didn't agree that Harry was allowed to be bothered, he was acting as if it wasn't the same.

When it actually was exactly the same!

 

Holy shit! It was the same!

He didn't realize till just that moment, but fuck Niall  _was_  upset with Harry for the same thing Niall's been doing to Harry with Louis. Niall might not be aware of it, might not understand how similar these two things really were but still.

Maybe he was too upset to notice it, either way, whatever it was Niall was being a jerk, a hypocritical jerk.

A huge one.

Talk about double standards.

 

Calling Harry out on his shit while Niall's playing Mr. Innocent, leaning on Louis like it's totally fine. Doing to Harry what Harry's been doing to him with Kendall. If anything, it seems to Zayn that Harry's the one who has more of a reason to be worried, there's definitely something to fear, if Louis' new interest is anything to go by.

 

It was exhausting, all of it.

 

And it was a mess.

 

A huge utter fucking mess.

 

He was still trying to understand Niall’s behavior regarding Harry’s questions about Louis though.

Why had he gotten so defensive?

 

Him liking Louis back wasn’t a possibility…it just wasn’t, Zayn would’ve picked up on that before now.

Maybe he didn't like Harry talking about Louis like that, protectiveness? 

 

Zayn decided to chock it up to shock.

Shock that Harry could think he’d like somebody else, be with somebody else.

And that was the reason, right there why Zayn's mind won't stop screaming, hypocrite.

 

Zayn got that Niall probably doesn't see things that way. Because Harry's 'feelings-not feelings' for Kendall blind him to everything else, he understood that.

Understood that Niall was hurt and everything he's been doing is because he's hurt. He was lashing out and taking the cheap shots because he wants Harry to hurt too, wants Harry to feel the kind of pain he's been feeling. 

That however, doesn't make it okay to chew Harry out for one thing then turn around and do the same exact thing with Louis that he's upset with Harry over.

 

Zayn remembered when this all started, he was adamant that he would be there for Niall through this since Harry was being an inconsiderate jerk but right now...Niall doesn't deserve his company.

Harry does.

Poor Harry.

He's put up with so much and everything he's doing is for Niall and them as a couple but Niall....Niall doesn't see it that way, he's too upset to see anything other than what he already believes. He's too busy wanting to hurt Harry, too busy being a child.

 

God was Zayn mad!

Shit he just wanted to take a swing at something!

He had never been angry at Niall because it was really hard to be angry at Niall but he was angry with him now.

 

He was so angry at him.

He couldn’t even describe it. He just knew it was there.

 

Niall who was wonderful and sweet and kind and understanding had just ripped Harry a new one for spending time with Kendall, who, mind you is being forced on him. Harry doesn’t have a choice in the matter.

He left Harry in utter pieces because he can't believe that Louis likes him, is appalled that Harry would even suggest such a thing but that didn't stop Niall from bitching Harry out about Kendall and his feelings for her.

It was like Niall could be mad but then Harry wasn't allowed to be mad about the same exact thing!

 

Now maybe there was something there, some truth to it all but whatever Harry felt or doesn't feel probably doesn't even remotely compare to how he feels about Niall! What he and Niall have is worlds away, nobody can touch them...Zayn just wished the two of them would realize that so they would finally stop causing each other pain.

 

Fuck that was annoying.

 

Harry didn't last much longer wallowing on the floor. Zayn figured it must've dawned on him how while he was here, Niall was off with Louis. 

He was up so fast, intent on finding Niall and talking this out.

 

****

 

They searched for the pair first in Niall's room, then Louis' and when they didn't find them in either of those places Zayn could sense Harry getting agitated.

His footsteps became more like clomps, his shoulders set in a rigid line, and then he took off.

He started running.

Where he was running to Zayn hadn't the foggiest.

 

But Zayn exchanged a look with Liam, who shrugged his shoulders before they both hurried after their lanky friend.

 

He skidded to a stop outside Lou's suite, Zayn almost crashed into Liam who nearly collided with Harry when they all stopped so suddenly.

The door to the room was wide open so all their 'people' could come and go, congregate with all their stuff in one place easily.

It was the voices inside that made Zayn perk up, alerted him to why they had all just stopped moving.

 

Liam edged closer to Harry, closer to the door and Zayn suppressed the smile he felt tugging at his lips because he could already tell that Liam wasn't going to be too keen on the whole listening from behind plants and eavesdropping around corners thing but it was part of the job description. Liam liked to look at people when they talked, so he could feel like part of the conversation, Zayn just had to get him used to this way of life is all.

 

One look at Harry told Zayn that he couldn't stand being here outside the room instead of in, he seemed to think about it briefly before he entered the room.

The conversation didn't cease when they all filed in, Louis had his back to them.

 

"Just tell me Lou, yes or no..."

Louis didn't say anything for a minute, the air thick with suspense.

Zayn wanted to know what exactly Niall had asked, how did he phrase it, what was the lead in...he was noisier than the rest of them, discreetly so but he knew without having to ask that Harry and Liam were dying for the details too.

 

Louis took a deep breath. His head bobbed slightly, nodded with a little more gusto and Zayn knew what the question had been.

He could tell from the way Niall sucked in a quick breath. Niall's eyes flicked over Louis' shoulder, met Harry's who was standing still as a statue in front of him. There were a million apologies in those deep blue eyes, regret, sorrow...so much feeling, so much remorse. 

He was sorry, sorry for not having believed Harry, for not trusting him. 

 

He focused back on Louis after a moment, looked at him like he was seeing him for the first time and Zayn imagined this was probably very eye-opening for Niall.

"Lou, you...you never told me," he squeaked, cleared his throat and Harry, well Zayn watched Harry shoulders bunch up under his shirt and if that boy tensed up anymore Zayn worried he'd become one giant knot.

 

Louis took a step back as Niall took one forward, "How could I, Niall honestly...you have Harry, you've  _always_  had Harry and I just, don't know..."

"But El," is what Niall whispered, he looked so friggin shell-shocked, like he didn't know what to believe or trust or listen to anymore.

He looked so helpless, like he just felt bad about everything. Like he regretted doubting Harry and felt awful for being so oblivious to Louis and his feelings and his pain even though he probably wouldn't have been able to do anything for him. Especially when he didn't and couldn't return his feelings, what could he do for Louis then, nothing. Louis had said it best, Niall had Harry, nothing else,  _nobody_  else mattered or would ever matter.

 

Louis lifted his shoulders in a pitiful shrug, Zayn didn't think he had a good answer for that. Maybe that's why Zayn never noticed his friends emotions regarding the blonde...Louis had Eleanor...Louis  _loved_  Eleanor.  And Niall adored her, they were friends,  _good_  friends. 

"I love her...I do I just...I don't know,  _I don't know anything anymore!_ "

He took a deep breath and Niall just kept staring at him, mouth agape, eyebrows knitted in thought, deep thought.

"I-I...Lou," 

"You know what the worst thing about it is, Niall? Wanna know what  _sucks_   _more_  than anything," Louis took a few steps towards the blonde and Niall looked frightened as he backed up into the edge of the couch.

 

Harry growled low in his chest, made to go to Niall, save him from this and put Louis back in his place. Liam stopped him with a gentle hand on his shoulder. Zayn knew that they were probably having the same thought. 

Louis and Niall needed to have this talk, despite how much Harry might hate it, they needed to get it all out there, lay everything out on the table so maybe they, all of them can move on. Harry didn't seem too fond of it but he stayed out of the way, for now at least.

"It's that Harry's being a dick, he has been and you know it," Niall makes to defend his other half but Louis held up a hand to silence him. Zayn saw something flicker in Niall's eyes, eyebrows scrunching further, nose twitching. Harry growled again, strained against Liam's arm that wrapped around his chest. 

"He hasn't been treating you right, I don't care if it's for show or whatever the fuck else he's saying but he  _hasn't_  been good to you these last couple of weeks and I," Harry deflated in Liam's arms because it sucked having your failures always being pointed out, dangled in front of your face like a tease. Zayn rubbed a hand through Harry's wild hair, because he felt for him. 

How long were they going to use this against him, he screwed up but that didn't mean he was no longer worthy of Niall or his love!

 

"I love you Niall," Louis closed the distance between them till he had Niall nearly sitting on top of cushioned edge of the couch, he looked like a puppy cowering away from a loud clap of thunder. 

Louis took his face in his hands, Zayn couldn't help but notice how Niall's face didn't fit in them like it fit in Harry's large palms, couldn't help but see how Louis' hands didn't hold him like Harry's did. 

Harry was getting antsy next to him, like the urge, the need to get to Niall was rattling around inside of him, a caged animal that needed to get out.

 

"I love you so much and I could be so good to you, I could love you right and we could come out and be together in front of people, the fans, everyone because I love you that much...I would do that for you and Harry won't, you know he-" Louis' head snaps to the side and Zayn can't believe what just happened.

 

It echoes through the room, the violent sound of skin colliding with skin.

Niall just smacked Louis!

Holy shit! 

Harry's eyes were the size of golf balls and he looked just as shocked as Niall did, as they all no doubt do.

A loud chocked sob left Niall's throat, his eyes were wet and they looked like angry tears again, fury all over his face.

" _Don't_  talk about him like that," Niall seethed as Louis brought a hand to cup his no doubt, stinging cheek. Zayn couldn't see from here but that side of his face probably had a violent, red hand print on it. 

 

Niall's voice was hard and raspy, "Harry, Harry loves me! And I...I've been a dick to him,"

"Niall-"

"No I have, he tried to tell me that you...that you...and I  _didn't believe him_! I called him crazy but he wasn't...I was just mad and he, he loves me Louis I know he does and everything he does-" Niall stopped, eyes fixed on Harry's over Louis' shoulder. 

 

"Everything he does, he does for me," he said it like it was a revelation, like it had just dawned on him and something like realization crossed his face. 

 

Harry dating Kendall, was for Niall because Harry would like to keep Niall in his life.

All the people he's had to date and see were because he didn't want to lose the one thing that mattered most to him, Niall.

 

Zayn watched with a proud smile as Niall finally got it.

 

Zayn didn't have to see Harry's face to know that the youngest boy was smiling. His happiness was infectious.

Louis took a few steps away from Niall and that made the blonde re-focus his attention on his older friend.

Louis' breathing was loud, labored and loud and Niall looked frightened again.

"He doesn't deserve you," Louis mumbled.

"What," Niall said. Harry did manage to get himself out of Liam's arms then, made his way to Niall as quick as his legs would carry him.

 

Louis looked at him, flinched when he saw Harry standing there as well. 

"Nothing," he whispered, looking defeated. And it didn't go quite as smoothly as Zayn would've liked but at least Niall knew and maybe saying it out loud would help Louis some. 

Zayn doubted it though.

 

Zayn felt bad, momentarily because Louis loved Niall. Niall who will never love him back, unless something dreadful happened and Harry was no longer around but Zayn can't, won't think about that!

It was awful, Louis' been harboring this secret, keeping it inside for god only knows how long, Zayn can only imagine how it must've been eating him up inside, loving his best friends boyfriend, having feelings for him, lusting after what belonged to someone else, someone who mattered very much to him. 

It was a tortured existence Louis is leading and Zayn felt terrible because he never knew.

 

Niall took several jerky steps back like he couldn't be so close to Louis right now. Zayn figured he needed time, he was entitled to that. It was a lot to process. 

Harry rushed forward, took those finally steps, pressed himself up against Niall's back, the blonde tensed at the contact but sagged almost instantly when he recognized the body pressed along the length of his spine, eased into Harry as the taller boys arms settled around his midsection.

 

Zayn felt Liam nudge him in the side, when Zayn turned to look at him his best friend had this goofy, happy look on his face, kept wiggling his eyebrows as he nodded his head at Harry and Niall and how they were wrapped back around each other.

Zayn couldn't describe the feeling that welled up inside of him, it was like a balloon ready to burst.

It felt so good, seeing them back together. Knowing that Niall understood Harry's reasoning, it was like that was all they needed all along. A little clarity. 

 

But then again all their issues, this entire fight had basically stemmed from misunderstandings and lack of communication.

Did one girl really do all that to them? 

How is that even possible? 

Zayn felt so happy he could cry.

He felt like maybe this was the end of the fighting or would be at least for Niall and Harry. Can't hurt to hope though right?

 

The happiness evaporated like a puddle on a hot day though because  _Louis_.

Shit Louis!

 

Louis looked away, he clearly didn't want to see the two reconnect. Zayn couldn't even fathom how that must hurt him.

"Louis, I'm so-"

Louis holds up a hand, "Don't Ni, please you don't have to...actually I'd prefer it if you didn't."

Now Zayn felt bad that he'd been so happy about Niall and Harry. 

And maybe his stomach did flutter at how Harry was nosing along the base of Niall's neck but he still couldn't help the twinge of guilt.

He could, plain as an answer key to a difficult crossword that Louis was the one suffering now.

Him liking Niall, having inappropriate feelings about somebody he shouldn't be thinking about wasn't right, Zayn knew that, he was in no way condoning it. But everybody has liked somebody they shouldn't, it's natural to want things you can't have, maybe that's what happened with Louis. Zayn wasn't entirely sure, but he was starting to understand a little better. 

 

It still didn't make it right, nothing made it 'right' but Zayn got how easy it is to fall under Niall's spell, he's captivating at best. 

It's safe to say they've all had a crush on Niall, at one point or another, Zayn knew his had been completely innocent, nothing more than a simmering under the surface, he was pretty sure Liam had his while on the X-factor and as far as he was aware it didn't last past week 5, stemmed from homesickness and the need to feel less lonely. 

Zayn had no idea about Louis' considering its a little more than a crush and Harry's? Well Harry's was the only one that developed into anything. Harry's crush was the only one Niall returned. 

 

Louis ran a shaky hand over his face, Niall still seemed stunned and Harry was determined to keep Niall in one piece. Zayn imagined, that Harry being Harry, in love and just a tad possessive was simply thrilled that Niall was in his arms again, happy that Niall now knew he hadn't been lying about Louis. And happy that Niall seemed to understand why he had done all the things he'd done.

 

Louis took one more long look at the pair, and Niall just seemed like he wanted to say something, anything but had no words. But it wasn't like anything he could say would ease Louis' pain and suffering. Zayn felt exponentially worse as the seconds ticked by. It was like watching a heart break, seeing it shatter.

They all knew they couldn't help, couldn't fix it and they just had to be there for when Louis was ready to talk or was able to.

 

He left moments later, Niall tried to get him back but Harry started talking in his ear, said something that made Niall stay. Whatever it was, Louis needed to be alone right now, so they let him be.

 

Niall spun in Harry's arms, took a smiling face in his hands, "I'm so sorry Haz, oh my god I'm so-" 

Harry shook his head at him before leaning down to capture Niall's still gabbing lips in his own.

"I was a jerk," his muffled voice came but Harry's lips kept moving over Niall's happily.

"I didn't believe you-" Harry kept trying to quiet him down with his kisses but no go.

"I've been a hypocr-" Harry swallowed the rest of the word, Zayn had a feeling it was intentional. Like he didn't want to hear that word leave Niall's lips, like he wouldn't have Niall talk about himself that way. Even if there was some truth to it.

 

"I'm such a shit boyfriend Harry, fuc-"

Harry pulled away then, fingers slipped under the fabric of Niall's thin shirt, "Baby no, don't say that...you aren't, you could never be,"

Niall kissed him back when Harry pressed their lips together again.

"I honestly didn't know he liked me,"

Harry kissed his forehead, nodded his head.

"I know you didn't sweets," Harry sighed, "I didn't either. Not till I actually paid attention to how he was when he was with you...he just started looking at you different."

 

"I'm sorry," Niall said again, Zayn snickered as he made his way over to the bigger of the two couches in the room. Feeling lighter as he watched the couple fix what they'd broken.

 

Liam followed a few moments later, huge smile on his face, he plopped down on the couch with a giddy sort of sound, he settled in beside Zayn.

Both their ears still listening gladly to their best friends make up, Zayn would tune them out though when they started making out.

 

"I'm sorry too, we've both been horrible. I lost sight of what was important and I won't be doing it again...promise."

Niall hummed at him, Zayn listened as he groaned exaggeratedly but he had a feeling the loud noise was for his and Liam's benefit. Awesome Niall, really, really cool.

 

Niall found his home back in Harry's arms, both of them happy and content when Harry asked the question Zayn had been waiting for since Niall asked for space.

"Can we maybe be done with this break...I don't, Niall I, I need you back,"

 

Him and Liam turned on the couch, watching them over the back of it and it was like watching a really good game on TV or like waiting for your team to score.

Niall stared at him, twisted his fingers in Harry's unruly mop of hair, Harry must've sensed that he was going to object because he butted in.

"S'not like we're all that good at being broken up anyways so..."

 

Good point! Zayn had been thinking that all along, finally those two were seeing it for themselves!

Niall laughed, rubbed his nose along the underside of Harry's jaw and the younger of the two looked so happy he could die.

"Okay," Niall sighed like it was off putting but he was smiling so it kind of defeated the purpose.

Harry grinned wide and cheeky before bending to scoop Niall up in his arms. The blonde squeaked as he was picked up, legs wrapped around Harry's back. Harry just held him there, just like that and they both looked as if they could explode, smiles threatening to split their faces.

 

Zayn tossed a pillow at him when they started kissing again but he wasn't mad at all, he was  _far_  too ecstatic about this to be anything  _but_  elated.

And when their stylist, Caroline and their resident guru of hair, Lou came in a few minutes later, Harry and Niall were still attached at the tongue.

 

"Oi," Lou yelled at them, they pulled apart with a pop, smiled at her with matching innocent, sheepish smiles before going back to each other. Lost to the world, just how Zayn liked them.

Lou gave Zayn and Liam a look as Caroline laughed behind her.

"Thought they were 'taking a break'?"

Liam shrugged and they all looked at the two snogging on the back of the couch, Niall still perched proudly in Harry's arms.

 

"Yeah...they're  _really_  bad at being broken up," Liam said resolutely, as if it was obvious. And Zayn supposed it sort of was.

They all laughed, Harry and Niall just grinned against each other's mouths and Zayn smiled at the wink Lou sent his way. 

 

"Alrighty then, come on handsome, you first," Lou snapped her fingers at Liam who jumped up, scurried to the chair in front of the mirror and Zayn took a moment more to bask in Harry and Niall's happiness before going with Caroline to pick out his outfit for the evening.

 

They still had an award show to go to.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Louis had to get hurt...I know it's awful but it did have to happen!  
> How about happy Narry for a while? That sounds good to me :)
> 
> I'd love to know what everyone thinks! xx


	10. The American Music Awards

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zayn saw that they both had their guards up, Niall because he didn’t want to overstep and hurt his best friend even more and Louis because he didn’t want to get hurt anymore.  
> “Can we talk maybe,” is what Niall said to Louis’ uncertain expression, his guarded, timid looking stance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow okay so I'm sorry for the long wait on this chapter, it just wasn't happening for whatever reason.  
> It's also the longest chapter so far (I think) so there's that! I hope its okay...
> 
> Also I think I should say this, I was originally going to make Kendall a bitch and I still might but it's up in the air, maybe give me your opinion on it. Secretly bitchy Kendall or sweet Kendall who everybody wants to hate but can't....what would you all prefer?!  
> And a note for those who were frightened about the Nouis coming to an end, I still have some things planned, it's just taking a brief interlude.  
> Thanks for being patient with me and my lameness oh and thank you all for so much for over 2000 hits, that's awesome! xxx

Zayn had just finished straightening out the black turtle neck he’d had on when Louis came back into the room looking flushed and sad but a little more put together than he did when he left.

Niall and Harry were sitting on one of the couches, Niall busy playing with Harry’s fingers contently as Harry relaxed against his shoulder. It was the tranquil nothingness that Zayn always looked forward to with them. Niall must've heard Louis enter the room because he swiveled his head around to look at Louis upside down. 

He perked up, squirmed a little on the couch and that’s when Harry noticed Louis’ reappearance. Zayn held his breath as it happened, scared for what was to come, Louis looked at them and the barest hint of a smile crossed his features, he seemed…okay? Well that was unexpected. 

“Your turn Tommo,” Liam said cheerily as he moved across the room from Lou to Caroline to get dressed.

“Wait,” Niall said loud enough to gain everyone’s attention. He wiggled himself away from Harry while the younger boy tried to grab him back. Harry shot up as Niall did, whispered something to him that Zayn didn’t catch but a few moments later, after a brief hushed discussion with his boyfriend, a couple of raised eyebrows and pointed looks he was shoving Harry in the direction of Lou’s chair as he made his way around the couch, a little hesitantly, to Louis.

Zayn saw that they both had their guards up, Niall because he didn’t want to overstep and hurt his best friend even more and Louis because he didn’t want to  _get_ hurt anymore. “Can we talk maybe,” is what Niall said to Louis’ uncertain expression, his guarded, timid looking stance.

Louis nodded his head after a few moments of contemplation, eyes darting around, looking anywhere but at Niall; it made Zayn’s heart clinch watching Louis-loud-goofy-nothing-bothers-me-Tomlinson be so quiet and tentative. He was hurt, case and point, the things he did, the way he went about all this wasn’t right but still he was in pain just like Niall and Harry have been these last few days. Actually probably longer, because if he’s been harboring feelings for Niall since, well Zayn doesn’t even know, how long has he been hurting? Suffering in silence, forced to watch Niall and Harry be happy and loved up, all the while never telling anyone how he was feeling, what he was feeling. Being in love with somebody and knowing you don't have a snowballs chance in hell, that's gotta blow!

Sure Louis’ supposed to be Niall’s friend, he should be that platonic shoulder to lean on, that comforting embrace when all else fails but he took advantage of that closeness they shared. He should  _not_  have done that…and Zayn wasn't okay with that, how Louis handled the whole situation but he did understand.

If Louis and Eleanor were having problems, if something was going on with them, if the fate of their relationship was hanging in the balance and Niall was just there when she wasn’t, with his bright smile and friendly blue eyes, then hell, Louis didn’t stand a chance. He really didn’t, sorry, it still isn’t right that he fell for, tried to go after his  _attached_ best friend but sometimes the deck is stacked against you and you just have to play the hand you're dealt, that probably doesn’t make any sense…okay. Zayn knows it’s wrong, what Louis did, the things he said but he gets it, there okay that’s it.

“Okay uh,” Niall muttered as he pulled Louis to the side of the room and it was purely coincidence that they ended up a few feet from where Zayn was putting on his shoes. 

"Louis...Lou I'm jeez, I'm so sorry, shit," Zayn watched Niall lift his hand helplessly, eyes trained on Louis' cheek. Zayn could see from where he was sitting pulling on his shoes that the spot where Niall had hit him didn't look too bad. If you didn't know that Niall had slapped him a half an hour ago you would think that Louis had just been scratching at his ear because it was only a little red high on the side of his cheek.

"I'm so sorry," Niall whispered, hands covering his mouth as the regret and guilt filled his tone. Zayn looked at Louis who didn't look mad or upset or anything...he looked fine. Not happy just fine.  
"It's okay Ni,"

"I shouldn't have done that, I was just mad not that  _that's_  an excuse. God I _hit_  you Lou, shit,"

"Niall," Louis shook his shoulders, rattled him till he listened. "It's okay really,"

"It isn't though, holy shit, I slapped you, what was I thinking?!" Niall was panicking. 

Louis seemed to sense it too.

"Hey listen okay it hurt yeah and I was shocked sure but it's not like you weren't provoked. I did sort of deserve a little smacking around. I was out of line and I was just pushing all the buttons I knew would get you riled up...it worked and I think I got what was coming to me. I deserved it, heck I deserved  _worse_ ," he sighed as he gestured to the left side of his face.

Niall looked at him, stunned and appalled. Stared wide eyed at his best friend like he didn't believe anything that was happening right now.

"You should be angry," he squeaked.  
Louis shook his head, he had this gentle expression on his face. One that he reserved for his boys, Niall more specifically in the more recent days. "I'm not, not at you, at myself,"

"Louis-"

He held up a hand.

"No, wait Ni just let me...it was wrong of me to go after you, what I did, it wasn't right. I should've tried harder to stifle my feelings for you. You and Harry are, well yeah and I was being selfish and stupid. I know you don't love me, _can't_  love me...not in the way I was hoping for and I'm okay with that, I will be....I'm just sorry. For everything...how I've acted and the things I've said. I've said some serious shit, shit you didn't deserve, neither of you. Your love is special and awesome and I had no right to try and get in the way of that. I was being a bitch plain and simple."

He took a deep breath as Niall continued to look a him, face soft and understanding and Zayn imagined that if Louis liked Niall half as much as he thought then this was probably a struggle of epic proportions for him. Resisting Niall when he was looking at him like that.

And then he was talking again, "I've liked you for a long time, I saw my chance and I took it, I shouldn't have but I did and I'm really sorry," he hung his head momentarily, in shame maybe but Zayn wasn't entirely sure.  
"I didn't respect that you two were taking a break and that you were still in love despite the space you'd put between you. I just took what I could and it was wrong. So I hope you'll both forgive me and maybe...maybe one day we can be friends again."

Niall softened even more, "If you forgive me for hitting you, I want nothing more than to be friends again!"  
Niall reached his arms up, looking like maybe he wanted to hug this out but was hesitant, unsure because he seemed to wonder if it was allowed. If they were at that point again. It was apparent to Zayn from where he was sitting that neither of them were really sure where they stood in that moment, after this.

When Louis lifted his own arms, gestured Niall forwards with a wave of his hands, Niall moved into them without a second thought.

He wrapped his arms tight around Louis' shoulders, buried his face into the older boys' neck and just breathed. 

"You're my best friend Lou, I'd be lost if I didn't have you anymore," it was muffled but Zayn was listening intently. Zayn had to wonder if Louis was truly okay with this, or if he was just putting on a smile because he didn't want to lose Niall completely. He figured Louis was at the point where he would take what he could get, and honestly Niall's friendship was a blessing. He just hoped it didn't sting too bad.   
"Right back at you shortie," and Louis took a moment to just breathe as well. "And I really am sorry."

Niall nodded against his neck, Zayn watched his arms squeeze Louis harder, flex to hug him a little bit fiercer. 

"Me too Lou," he whispered as Louis laid his head on top of his, arms tight around Niall's back.

When they pulled apart they both looked better. Maybe not completely okay but better than before so Zayn counted it as a win.   
Niall smiled, bright and happy, "So listen...whatever's going on with you and El, I wanna help you fix it," Niall paused, "I mean if you wanna fix it...I'll help, I'm here for you," 

Louis lit up a little bit at that. And maybe he wasn't over Niall, maybe it'd take some time but he was on his way and it was clear to Zayn that right now, Louis had no plans to be an obstacle that Niall and Harry had to get around. 

Zayn took that in and felt like for the first time that day he could finally, truly breathe easy. So he took a deep breath, let it fill his lungs as he relaxed in the moment.

****

Niall had finished talking to Louis, broke free from his embrace after a while, had his hair done and finished being adjusted by Caroline a few times so Zayn welcomed his company when he plopped himself down on the couch next to him. 

Harry was busy, distracted on the other side of the room so when Niall asked if he wanted to have a fruit ninja competition Zayn agreed with a smile.

Let Niall sit extra close to him, snuggle up under his arm as they dueled each other, Niall took a turn then Zayn took his. It wasn't that Niall fingers weren't as furious slicing up the fruit as they normally would be that alerted Zayn that something was wrong. It was more how his head lolled against his shoulder when it wasn't his turn, how he wasn't eager to watch Zayn play, didn't exclaim excitedly at every little thing, high scores or new records. Niall just sat there quietly, very un-Niall like.

Zayn moved his arm so he could rub his fingers along the back of Niall's neck, chilly fingertips moving across heated skin, Niall always ran a little warmer.

"You okay," Zayn asked quietly so nobody else noticed in case Niall wasn't really in the mood for this. If he wanted to keep it hush hush, Zayn was fine with that.  
"I'll listen if ya wanna talk,"

Niall's head moved against his shoulder and Zayn looked down to get a face full of fluffy blonde hair. Niall was simply trying to get closer, Zayn wrapped his arm tighter back around his shoulder, turned towards him when Niall tucked his legs up underneath himself. 

"Yeah and I wanna I just don't really have anymore words ya know," he took a deep breath. Zayn understood how Niall was probably sick of having to put his feelings into words. It was probably incredibly difficult trying to articulate all this. He was probably about ready to tear his hair out.

"I'm sick of feeling sorry for myself...but I also can't help that all this makes me want to bawl my eyes out," Zayn rubbed his arm as his voice turned squeaky. 

Zayn nudged the iPad back into Niall's lap silently offering a conversation in notes so Niall wasn't forced to say all this out loud, didn't have to talk, didn't have to risk crying not here, not now.

Niall smiled thankfully up at him, took the iPad in his shaky hands and they talked. Passing electronic notes back and forth till they had to leave and Niall seemed lighter when they were ushered out of the room, got ready to head down to the cars, gave Zayn a quick squeeze before he slid up to Harry, settled under his outstretched arm. And Zayn felt like his eyes had been opened, he finally had Niall's view on things, plain and clear and he got it.

Really got it from his blonde pals' point of view, his perspective and held his breath for a chance to let Harry know just how to help his boyfriend through all of this.

He did have the inside scoop now after all.

....  
"Harry" Niall said just before they reached the door that would take them to the parking lot to the cars waiting there for them. He tugged the younger boy to a stop as the others halted behind them, entourage wondering why they'd stopped moving.

Zayn watched Louis make eye contact with Niall before pushing his way through the doors outside, Preston and Aiden following quickly behind so he wasn't out there alone. 

"What's up," Harry asked as Niall fidgeted in front of him, he reached up, clearly intent on running his fingers through Niall's blonde locks but thinking better of it as he dropped his hand to his side. Lou would have his arse if he messed up the immaculately misplaced pieces of hair, he didn't want that crime on his hands. He settled for taking Niall's jittery fingers in his, rubbing their palms together before he lifted their connected hands to kiss softly at Niall's knuckles. Zayn smiled softly to himself as he looked away. 

The blonde cleared his throat as Zayn took a few inconspicuous steps backwards so the two could have some space. Liam followed like a lost puppy, eyes intent on the wallpaper as if it actually interested him.

Zayn found himself eager to teach Liam, his new found cohort, his novice partner in crime all the tricks of the trade.

"Let's uh...no can we maybe er..."

"Niall what," there was laughter in his voice but his face was concerned.

"Can we tone it down,"

"Tone what down,"

"Us...this," he sighed as he lifted their linked hands, waving them about as an indication.

Harry's eyebrows scrunched together as he adopted this sweet and sour expression that made him look like a little kid who just got told he can't have a cookie before dinner or that he was no longer allowed to play with that other little kid he was rather fond of, all without being given a good reason as to why.

"For Lou, please I mean, I just feel so bad. I know it bothers you, me and him but I don't want to hurt him anymore, he's suffering Haz please just-"

"Okay,"

"We can still-wait did you say okay?"

"Yeah," Harry's lips tugged into a small smile as his eyes glinted and Zayn didn't even want to know what that boy was planning. Hopefully not how to disregard Niall's rather sound advice, disobey his gentle orders. Keep the love and fluff to a minimum when Louis' around. Sure Niall can't love him back but this was him doing his best not to pour salt in Louis' already ever present wounds. He was trying to do the right thing so Harry better respect that. 

"Oh, okay," Niall looked confused, shocked because that was way easier than he seemed to think it would have been, "Wow okay, good cool."

Harry chuckled as his eyes lifted to look at Zayn and Liam and all the people still congregated in the hallway, he pulled Niall to the side so the others could leave if they wanted. Tilting his head around he looked outside through the glass doors to the parking lot, Zayn wasn't 100% sure what he was looking for but when he forced Niall closer to him with an arm around his waist Zayn figured he was making sure Louis wasn't anywhere in sight, couldn't see this to get hurt by it.

"So I should probably take advantage of his absence then huh...seize the moment while I still can...carpe diem and what not," 

Niall's brows raised for a moment before an expression of understanding worked it's way across his face, eyes darkened as he batted his lashes up at his boyfriend, teeth sank into his bottom lip and Niall was such a little minx it was ridiculous. Ridiculous and funny even because Harry, the way Harry sort of buckled into him, forcing both their bodies tight against the wall showed how utterly powerless he was to resist Niall, sure whatever was going on at the moment had initially been Harry's idea but now big blue eyes were looking at him lustfully and Harry didn't stand a chance. 

I'll pray for you is what Zayn was thinking just as small pale hands reached up to clutch the back of Harry's jacket collar, yanked it tight in his fingers as he dragged Harry down to meet him. 

Their noses bumped as their foreheads collided but Niall pulled back just enough to avoid full contact every time Harry tried to claim his lips, and again this was funny to Zayn. 

Some of the others began to file out around them but Zayn was entranced and Liam wasn't breathing again, he'd have to get that guy an inhaler or something just as a precaution.

"He could come back and you're wasting time," Harry rasped in an exceedingly husky tone. Zayn watched a shiver roll through Niall's body. 

Niall gave a short cough, he seemed out of breath as he squirmed within the cage of Harry's arms.

"Harry," he let out into the minimal space between them. Harry pulled back a few inches, looked at Niall for a moment before Zayn saw his profile soften, melt under Niall's gaze. 

"Oh baby," Harry whispered just before he leaned all the way in to press his lips firm against Niall's. The blondes head hit the wall gently, slim arms wrapped around Harry's shoulders while Harry stepped up so his hips aligned with Niall's plastering both of them against the wall. Zayn didn't really know what was going on. What did Harry see, what was Niall trying to communicate to him with his eyes and why were they kissing each other right now like they'd never get the chance to again?

The only thing he could think to blame it on was the fact that tonight they were seeing Kendall, Niall would be meeting her for the first time face to face as he was nervous. He was hiding it well, was trying to seem okay but here and now under the intensity of Harry's stare, in his arms he was vulnerable and frightened and needed Harry right then before he couldn't have him anymore. At least not for the rest of the night.

Harry sucked in a labored breath as their mouths opened together and Harry's hands took Niall's face in his palms, tipped his head back further as he tilted his own head to the side, slipped his tongue inside as Niall whimpered, his fingers turned white against the black fabric covering Harry's back.

Zayn and Liam jumped when Lou sidled up beside them, arms crossed coolly over her chest, lips set in her classic, signature smirk, "God I love those two," she declared and when she reached her fist out Liam looked confused but Zayn knew what to do. He touched his knuckles to Lou's victoriously as the couple against the opposite wall just kept on keeping on, tonguing the living daylights out of each other.

Liam laughed softly as Lou punched him in the arm, "Welcome to the club, we're thinking about getting shirts," and Zayn shook his head as they all started to walk away, pulled Liam with him by the sleeve past Niall and Harry. He didn't disturb them, knowing that if they weren't in the car, buckled up and smiling in 5 minutes Paul would come in and get them, drag them out by their ears. But all Zayn could think was good luck Paul, those two were hopeless.

And yet Zayn couldn't find it in himself to be bothered by that. Hopelessly in love was something he could handle. 

****

So Kendall was pretty.  
 _Of course_  she was pretty.

Kendall Jenner, Hollywood's royalty, one of the young bloods who was famous just because. Dabbling in lots of different things, fashion being her main forte, stardom stemming from her family's notoriety. It was a name people knew and she wore the name well.

Zayn chanced a glance at Niall when Harry and Kendall shared a quick hug after the red carpet. He saw what he expected, a tight smile, obviously forced. A tense, rigid stance and Zayn imagined that the red carpet, what had happened there had been an incredible tease. How Harry had stepped up behind Niall whilst he was being interviewed, wrapped an arm around his boyfriends' slim waist, fingers sprawl over the soft fabric of his gray shirt. To Zayn who knows about their relationship it looks like an act of possession, Harry staking a claim in front the pretty interviewer. Zayn found himself not knowing how to feel about that because there's Niall who wasn't the one who had a rumored girlfriend here tonight and Harry who was but they'd just patched things up so Zayn was trying really hard not to worry.

But still Zayn felt a bit more protective of Niall at that moment as the conversation he had with Niall earlier played through his head, mind still reeling.

To the fans and the people with the cameras and the interviewers with the sparkly, heavily made up eyes it would look like a two members of a boy band being playful and affectionate and maybe a tad cheeky but Zayn knew better. He saw the way Harry dragged his fingers across Niall's stomach as he pulled away. He had made sure Niall felt the touch, made it linger even as he didn't. 

It didn't sit right with Zayn, not with how he knew Niall was feeling, not with who they were seeing tonight...it felt wrong for Harry to do that. Wrong for him to expect it to be fine with Niall when really Niall was anything but.

Aside from a slightly tense, awkward first meeting, nothing major happened really, Zayn was ticked about how Harry was acting but nothing really happened. Nothing to speak of anyways. Kendall wasn't rude or snooty, not that Zayn had expected her to be. Okay maybe he  _was_  hoping for that because if she ended up being a rotten person well then they could make a case for that, why Harry shouldn't be with her. He could argue that she was no good for their youngest fifth. That would've made it easier to hate her, dislike her. But he couldn't, he wanted to for Niall's sake but she wasn't a  _bad_  person, even though a dark, selfish part of him really wanted her to be.

She was quiet, timid even which he was  _not_  expecting. He didn't know much about Kendall but Zayn had assumed that she'd be strong willed and loud and flashy but really besides the skimpy white dress she was wearing there wasn't much else outrageous about her. She was tall, with dark eyes and long black hair and that she was shy just sort of shocked Zayn. It threw him for a loop and he didn't know how to come back from that.

So he spaced (for a brief moment) on the fact that maybe he should be helping Niall through this as Harry talked to her and told her she looked beautiful and kissed her sister, Kylie on the cheek making her light up before she introduced herself to the rest of them, and it seemed that Kylie got the streak confidence that her older sister lacked.

He looked over after a few minutes to see Niall leaning into Liam's side, pretending to punch the older boy in the jaw repeatedly but Zayn could see he was hurting. Underneath it all. And thank God Liam was there to cushion the blow and distract Niall, help him focus on something else. If play fighting was what he needed to get through this night Zayn knew he and Liam and even Louis would let Niall kick their asses if it meant they didn't have to carry their blonde friend home in pieces. 

Niall was smiling through it but that smile didn't reach his eyes which made Zayn sad. He could see pain, rejection in the dull blue of his unfocused stare.

The only smiles he saw from Niall, the only real ones were when they won their awards and directly after their performance because Niall always seemed to glow after a job well done. He was happy after that for a good portion of the night and the smiles he wore weren't completely genuine but they were almost there so Zayn let it go. Niall was thrilled when Nelly preformed because hey, it must be the money! And he sang along happily, danced like a nut with Louis and himself and things were okay. Things  _were okay_. Better, again, when they won their awards because nobody was more proud of them, a bigger fan of One Direction than Niall so he hugged Niall extra tight because he could. Niall beamed for a few moments and Zayn didn't ever want this to end, didn't want to leave this stage because this was Niall, he was right there and he was fine.

Him and Harry didn't speak much or interact at all, he and Louis were still a little weird with each other but better than before. It was odd but manageable and Zayn did his best to distract Niall from the fact that the beauty Harry was 'seeing' was somewhere around and in a matter of hours Harry would have to sneak away with her to give people something to talk about.

It hurt him but Niall was good at hiding that. Niall was an expert at that, hiding what he didn't want people to see and truthfully that scared the shit out of Zayn. Because sure he was good at faking it when he wanted to, when it counted but he didn't need to bottle all this up. Zayn knew why he was doing what he was doing but Zayn was _there_. He was there so if Niall needed a minute he could have it, he didn't need to be strong the whole time because Zayn would gladly take this from him for a while. And so would Liam and probably Louis too even though things were still rocky between them.

As the night drew to a close, the parties hung over them like impending doom, Niall confided in Zayn that he didn't really want to go to the parties, didn't want to mingle and one look told Zayn that Niall was done. Was done and tired and just wanted to crash. Liam and Louis and obviously Harry had decided to stay.

So when Niall blinked at him, eyes wide and glassy, asked if he could sleep in his room tonight Zayn said yes, of course, duh you numpty! 

But Zayn knew without him having to say anything that Niall just wanted to snuggle up in the sheets that smelled vaguely, faintly of his Harry because if he couldn't be in his arms he might as well suffocate himself in his scent, drown in his sweet, musky aroma.

****

Zayn was in the middle of responding to an email from his dad when he heard Harry come knocking into the room. He was _such_ a bull in a china shop.

He entered the the large double bed suite a few moments later taking off his jacket and his tie easily even though Zayn was willing to bet he'd been drinking. It was still early. Early enough to make Zayn wonder if Harry had been escorted home by security so things didn't get out if hand or if he was here, safe and sound all on his own.

Zayn didn't give it much more thought than that as he focused back on his computer screen.

"You have fun tonight," Zayn heard Harry ask, tone lower and slower than usual. He looked up to see Harry shirtless with his pants unbuttoned, fly undone hanging on his hips as he kicked off his shoes. Their eyes met as he stood back up to his full height, his eyes were a little foggy but not that bad as he scratched his stomach, stretched his back. 

Zayn nodded briefly because he was a little too tired to form real sentences at the moment, he just wanted to use the last of his brain power to finish this email so he could sleep easily knowing he hadn't neglected responding to his dad yet again.

Harry returned the nod as he started to shimmy out of the tight black jeans he was wearing, "Do you think Niall had fun," was the next thing out of his mouth. When Zayn looked up this time Harry's head was down turned, gaze fixed on where his pants had started to pool around his knees, not yet off entirely. 

Zayn sighed as he turned back to the blinking cursor on his screen, "Yeah I think so...all things considered ya know."

Zayn imagined rather than saw that was Harry nodding his head again in agreement. "He was excited about the awards, you know him though...he's just happy when there's good music and pretty people. Shit like that is Niall's heaven."

Harry released a heavy, drawn out sigh as he moved to lean against the vanity across from the beds. 

"He doesn't like Kendall," Harry said pulling at his hair, tugging it free from the gel and endless product that had kept it in line all night. 

Zayn looked at him then, really looked at him until Harry looked back up, their eyes met, "Uh-huh but...You know why he doesn't Harry,"

He sighed again. "Yeah I know but...I don't know I just think I'd feel better if he did,"

"Harry if you're looking for his approval on your fake girlfriend I don't think you're gonna get it."

"No that's not it..."

"Then what,"

"I don't know," and a few more tugs to his limp curls, "I just want him to be okay with her because I'm gonna have to spend time with her and right now it sucks because I now he doesn't like it."

"Niall's never gonna like this Haz, not as long as you have to date her."

"I know,"

There was a long pause where Zayn just sat and watched Harry twiddle his thumbs, studied him as he picked at the elastic band of his briefs. 

He almost didn't tell him, almost kept the conversation him and Niall had in notes on Niall's iPad when they were sprawled on the couch earlier to himself, waiting for Lou to be done sculpting Louis' hair to messy perfection. Harry had been texting his mom while Caroline had decided which jacket she wanted to put him in for the red carpet and what she thought would look best for the performance. But decided that Harry should know. Maybe Zayn will be able to get the point across better than Niall can, hasn't...won't.

"You know what he said to me earlier," 

Harry took a deep breath, "No what," as he kicked his pants off completely. They landed with a deft thud in the corner. 

"That he hates this time of year because you're always linked to someone." Zayn watched for a reaction but none came. Just a slight frown, a tinge of regret and then Harry looked away. "Niall's always forced to watch you with other people, he always has to just sit back and deal. He's sick of having to share you Harry and I get it,"

Harry stared at him like the information was offensive to him. He looked scandalized. 

"I-I-"

"I don't blame him...I mean think about it, you two are together and sure you're not public but still you guys get treated like your relationship doesn't matter. Niall though...well Niall's  _always_  getting pushed to the side for some pretty young starlet and you get to bask in the limelight while he has to wonder if you'll ever come back. If this time will be the time you don't...

"Can you even imagine what that's like for him,"

Zayn could see even in the slight darkness of the room that Harry's eyes were filling up with tears, "No," he croaked. Zayn nodded as he clicked save draft on the email, deciding he could send it tomorrow morning instead. 

"Everybody acts like I'm doing this on purpose though! I'm not, I would never willingly do this to him. Zayn...I love him, he's my one but-"

"Harry I know," Zayn said softly as he put his laptop on the table between their two beds. "You wouldn't do this because you wanted to. You would never want to. You're a great guy, friendly and charming and you wouldn't ever treat anybody poorly. You're just being a good person, doing what's asked and expected of you...but I think you need to know how this is for Niall. You two are magical and brilliant but every winter Niall...well Niall I think misses out on that magic for a while. He's forced to just wait and you...I mean you wouldn't want to share him with somebody else would you? No, I know you wouldn't because you flew off the handle when you thought he was going to fall for Louis. Harry he has to deal with this every year! He gets his heart broken every December...it's just worse this time around."

"Because he thinks I'm gonna fall in love with her...leave him for her,"

"Yeah,"

"But I'm not, she's just...the yearly beard or whatever you wanna call it."

"Harry I hear you but Niall's obviously seen something that we haven't, this is bothering him more than we can really grasp. But I do know that he feels like he's gonna lose you and he's scared, you just have to be patient and keep assuring him that he won't." Zayn watched Harry's face change, his expression turned frantic with all this information. These shocking revelations and Zayn rushed to talk his friend back from the ledge.

"Harry, listen, he's just as nuts about you as you are for him you know that...and he's jealous, he just gets sad rather than mad when it happens," 

Harry nodded, bowed his head as he considered all that. "I have to talk to him...or at the very least kiss him goodnight, I can't neglect him anymore," and Zayn watched him scramble for a shirt and a pair of sleep pants to make the trek down the hall in when Zayn cleared his throat.

Gaining his attention Harry spun around looking annoyed at having been interrupted in his quest for clothing, Zayn snapped his fingers as he pointed towards the other bed, Harry's bed.

There on the side closest to the wall was a decent size lump, a curled up slumbering body beneath the comforter on the bed and Zayn was surprised Harry hadn't noticed it before. A small blonde tuft of hair stuck out from under the blankets and Harry seemed to sag as he saw it.

He walked slowly over to the bed, almost cautiously like he could wake Niall up. Niall who slept like a log even in the worst conditions. They'd once driven through a city where they were doing road blasting, jack hammers going non stop, concrete and dump trucks doing their thing, loudly and Niall slept straight through, the kid could sleep in anything honestly.

Harry slipped under the covers silently, moved till he was against Niall's sleeping form. Zayn watched his back flex and move as he wrapped his arms around Niall, smiling when he heard the sleepy snuffle that the blonde made at the touch, the new warmth.

"Niall," Zayn saw Harry duck his head down, could only assume he was moving his lips against Niall's head. "Ni baby," the older boy snuffled again.

And Harry's body moved as he shook Niall gently, such a pain in the rump he was. "Niall sweets," and this time he got an annoyed, lazy whine from the other, Zayn laughed silently as he moved down in his bed, pulled the covers completely over himself as he rolled to his side, reached out to turn off the dim lamp beside his bed.

"Haaarrryyy, nooo," Niall's voice was low and tired, slurred and a little strained sounding as he was still basically asleep. 

"Hey...I just wanted to say goodnight, you can go back to sleep in just a second baby...goodnight kiss," 

Zayn covered his mouth with his hand so he didn't bust out laughing for real.

Niall whined again, when he let out a breath it sounded like a ticked off hiss, like a frustrated cat who'd been rudely awaken, removed from the sunny spot where they were sleeping. "Haz nooo m'sleepin'...stop," 

"Niall just one, so I know you're not mad at me," he voice was getting quieter, Zayn could hear him settling down.

Zayn half listened, sleep threatening to take him too, as the blonde huffed. He knew they were kissing though, soft and quiet because of the way their breathing changed for the brief moment their mouths pressed together.

"I love you," Harry whispered, "I love more than anything. To the moon and back 200 times over."

Zayn laid still through the brief pause, the silence settled around them while he wondered if maybe Niall had drifted back to sleep. 

But then, "Mmm, you too, lots and lots and lots and what you said bout da moon," and the gentle hum of another kiss was passed between the two as they settled under the covers. Niall's soft gentle purring snores picked up a few short moments later. Zayn could envision the way Harry was spooned up behind the smaller boy, arms secure around the body pressed firm against his chest.

Zayn felt warm and fuzzy as the atmosphere of the room settled, the energy and electricity from the day fizzled out, making way for sweet dreams and quality sleep. He was happy knowing that Niall and Harry were fine for the moment. Knowing that Harry finally had an idea, a semblance of a clue about Niall, he couldn't believe, as he drifted off to sleep that the fight between Harry and Niall, Niall hitting Louis it all happened that very morning.

It was shocking to think about so Zayn stopped, let his brain turn to mush, welcoming the heaviness of sleep when it came.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guess what's next!  
> 1DDAY! 
> 
> So secretly bitchy Kendall or truly sugar sweet Kendall...what do you guys want to see?
> 
> This story is far from over so don't worry.  
> Thanks for reading xxx


	11. 1D Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zayn wakes up to the sound of soft breathy giggles, gentle and sleepy sounding, he's still finding his way back to the world of the living, to consciousness but he feels a little like he's still dreaming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All the apologies in the world couldn't make up for how long I've gone without updating this story. I lost inspiration for it and just couldn't get it back but I think I might've found it again. Updates might not be as frequent but I promise I won't go 9 months *cringe* without posting again. So sorry, please forgive me and I hope you like the latest chapter (and I hope it's okay!!)

Zayn wakes up to the sound of soft breathy giggles, gentle and sleepy sounding, he's still finding his way back to the world of the living, to consciousness but he feels a little like he's still dreaming. It's a good dream, the distinct laughter of his two favorite love bugs being traded in the fuzzy morning light of the room, their soft whispers, full of sweet intent and affection.  
  
"Harry," Niall's squeaky morning voice whined quietly, muted, muffled under Harry's croaking laugh. Zayn was still on his side facing away from them so he couldn't see how they were laying or if they had swapped positions. Perhaps they were tangled and curled together which was a dumb thought to have because  _of course_  they were. How else do Niall and Harry sleep?  
It's quiet for a moment and Zayn thought that maybe they fell back to sleep but then, "You didn't shave yesterday,"

Harry answered Niall's whispered statement with a rumbling hum.   
Niall laughed softly and Zayn could practically hear the way they're nuzzling at each other, slow and sleepy but so, so happy. "Love your barely there stubble,"   
Zayn listened to Harry chuckle, move his lips in soft puckering kisses as Niall breathed out these almost silent giggles.   
"Such a manly cupcake," Niall's voice dropped to a gravely, teasing tone. The only thing he could think though was how he was once again toeing the line, Zayn debated rolling over to alert the pair that he was awake but Harry was spluttering a loud laugh at the comment so Zayn figured it wouldn't turn X-rated with him being silly like that.   
"My manly, hunky cupcake," and then he heard kissing, still soft but definitely determined, he shifted to his back and yet the boys on the other bed didn't stop smooching. He yawned, not on purpose mind you as they pulled apart with a pop. 

His gaze shifted to them, watching as Harry rubbed circles into the flesh of Niall’s arm, eyes full of sap as he stared down at the boy in his arms, it’s too early in the morning for this Zayn thought. Too early for those two to be giving him butterflies with their silly looks and love-struck smiles. Although this is far better than fighting, leagues better than fighting.

He rubbed the sleep from his eyes as he tried to get his somersaulting stomach to settle down. "Wanna shower," Harry murmured against Niall's cheek but the blonde merely grumbled as he curled tighter into Harry's chest. 

"M'warm, not movin'," and Zayn's quiet laugh turned into another yawn. What time was it? He reached over for his phone on the bedside table, clicked the home button to light up the screen, 6:53, eww why was he up this early? Why were Niall and Harry up this early? Harry was a bit more understandable he was like Liam in the way he rose with the sun to sneak in a workout but Niall; no Niall could sleep the day away, easy.  

He collapsed back on the pillows, landing awkwardly mostly on his stomach but still partially on his side, with his arms splayed weirdly across the mattress and his legs tucked together underneath him. 

It was still like he was invisible to the couple on the other bed but he figured they were only ignoring him because they didn't want to leave each other just yet.

"You need one though," Niall whispered even as Zayn watched him snuggle his head under Harry's chin.   "You smell like a fecking distillery," he sighed out against the other boys’ neck; Zayn watched goose bumps break out across Harry’s arms. 

Harry laughed. Zayn couldn't help but notice how belated it was, delayed like he wasn't sure if he found that funny or not. Niall sat up a little, arms crossed under him against the mattress.

Zayn sat up a little as well as he moved his hands across his face, scratched his fingers through the scruff on his jaw. The laughter turned guilty after a few more moments, Zayn looked over to them and watched as Niall's expression changed. Going from carefree to nervous and then Zayn was worried too because he had learned to not doubt Niall’s anxiety about things, even the small things. He’s been right too many times recently.

Harry rolled to his back as Niall sat up further, his eyes met Zayn's across the room, wide and scared as if trying to say, 'See, shit like this makes me doubt him,’ as if this was merely proving all the points Niall had made yesterday afternoon when they were talking on his iPad.

“Harry…what, what is it,” Niall asked hesitantly, he began chewing on his lip. Teeth only dug in further the longer Harry kept him hanging there without an answer.

“I just feel bad about what happened last night,” Harry began, “Feel like I’ve got a lot of things to apologize for but don’t really know where to begin or how to approach any of it.”

Zayn and Niall stared at each other dumbfounded for a few brief seconds before Niall was taking in a deep shaky breath, “I-I…I uh don’t really know what to say to that.” Zayn doesn’t know what he should say either, he can accept the apology, tell Harry that it's okay but they all know that Niall would be lying if he said that because it’s not okay. Harry treating Niall the way he has isn’t right and for Niall to just brush it off, no he shouldn’t do that either.

“I know you’re sorry babe, I get it. Just know that I might need a little extra reassurance at the moment. Ya know because all this stuff, it’s throwing me off, messin’ with my head.”

What Niall didn’t say but Zayn knew was right there on his tongue was ‘I can’t just deny the fact that I’ve been hurt because I have been.' And also, 'I just think we have a lot of healing to do; we have to work on this together, as a team and fight for this. I’m not willing to just lie down without a fight, let you slip away but I need you to understand how bad it hurts me to see you with her.' And probably, 'I want this Harry, I want you, in my life for a long time so for however long you have to see her I’m going to try to not let it get to me too, too badly but in return I’d appreciate it if you didn’t go out of your way to spend extra, unnecessary time with her because it only proves to me what I’ve been fearing this whole time, that you’re interested in more than just friendship with her…’

But Niall didn’t say any of that, Zayn could practically hear the words reverberating in his own head and wished that his silent encouragement would only be enough to give Niall the strength he needed to tell Harry straight up that he’d been hurting him and he needed to stop. That it didn’t matter to him if he and Kendall are only friends because to Niall it looks like so much more and Harry should respect that he’s saying anything at all.

Harry didn’t answer right away, and when he did he was very quiet. “I don't like her like that sweets you know that. I mean I’m a friendly person Ni, I don’t know how to be any other way so maybe what’s happening is you’re confusing my friendship with her for something more because you’re upset with me,”

Niall looked mildly offended, like he wanted to say something, fight that comment but Zayn watched the exhaustion pass over his face, replacing his offense with tiredness that only comes from emotional strain. He watched his eyes dull just a little bit as he nodded his head. And instead of putting up a fight Niall simply said, “Yeah. You're right. S’jus me being insecure, I know.”

He accepted the kiss Harry placed gently on his lips with a tight, tired smile, “There’s no need to be. I love you Niall, only you.”

And Zayn saw the way Niall’s chest expanded as he breathed in those words and wondered if it hurt the way it appeared to.

“M’ gonna go shower,” Harry said after he kissed Niall’s head a few times, leaving Zayn and Niall to watch him leave and Zayn wondered, not for the first time since all this started if Harry was even looking at his boyfriend when their eyes met. Was he even paying attention to what was really going on in Niall’s eyes or was he actually completely ignorant to the fact that Niall was swallowing all this down like a dose of cough syrup that he had to take to soothe his suffering? Did Harry not see the way this was slowly destroying his firework of a boyfriend, snuffing out his light or was he okay with the fact that every single thing he said Niall didn’t believe... was he okay with the idea that Niall believed they were falling out of love and he was helpless to stop it?

Did Harry not see that Niall was lying all the time, sugarcoating his pain just so Harry didn’t have a reason to believe he wasn’t worth staying for?

“Niall,” Zayn whispered, testing the waters as he heard the shower turn on in the bathroom.

“Don’t Z, please just don’t,” Niall huffed as he collapsed back onto the bed. He reached for a pillow, breathing out a long sigh. “I know what you’re thinking. ‘Why didn’t I say anything to him, why do I keep letting all this slide?’ I’m tired of fighting, I mean I got physical with Louis yesterday because I couldn’t handle all this. I hit him and that’s unacceptable. And maybe I can’t handle it but I’m also not going to this all bother me to the point where I lash out on someone again. I can’t even believe I hit Lou and I don’t want anything like that to happen ever again so please can we not talk about it right now, I just can’t,”

It was the tone of heart crushing finality that made Zayn squelch his protests. He kept quiet, nodded his head, hoped that Niall could see that he was and always would be there for him if he wanted to talk some more. Hoped he could see his support in his eyes. They sat in silence listening to the water run in the next room, he watched blearily as Niall tugged his pillow over his face. And though he agreed to drop it, he couldn’t help but want for Niall to throw away his fears and fight. Just stand up and fight because it obviously didn’t matter how many times, how many different ways they tried to drill a speech about love and trust and bliss into that thick head of Harry’s, if Niall didn’t keep fighting for this well Zayn didn’t want to think about what might happen.

Niall needed to fight because maybe Harry just needed to know that Niall would. But at the same time maybe Harry needed to understand that Niall being the people pleaser that he is won’t be the one to ruffle any feathers here. He’d rather keep his mouth shut, head down if only to keep Harry happy for a while longer.

****

Zayn escaped the room after having a shower of his own, leaving Harry and Niall to each other as he goes to find a quiet place to call Perrie. He feels like he hasn’t talked to her in forever, the weight of everything that’s been happening feels like a hundred cinder blocks crushing his shoulders and he imagines how amazing it will feel to have that weight lifted off after talking with Perrie.

She picked up after the 3rd ring sounding like she was just waking up and Zayn felt instantly guilty. He didn’t mean to wake her up and he’d even waited to call her, it’s nearly 9.

“Hey you,” she mumbled through the phone and like he knew would happen, just hearing her voice, he’s better.

“Hey babe, did I wake you,”

“Yeah but I needed to be up in few minutes anyway. How are you?”

Instead of answering right away with an automatic, generic response he takes a moment to think. How is he? Okay right now but the last few days have been trying to say the very least.

“Uh I’m alright, tired maybe,” is what he settled on. Its lame he knows but unfortunately that’s all he’s got.

“Are they still fighting,” she asked cautiously, as if she was worried to even broach the subject.

“Kinda, I don’t know," He heaved a heavy sigh. "It’s just every time I think they’re good something else happens and they aren't. We’re all so tired and done so that doesn't help things any.”

“Yeah well I’m sure they’ll be better once they've had some time off to just be together, no distractions. A little R&R would do them wonders, all of you really,” Perrie said happily. He laughed softly in agreement. They all definitely needed some time off, to chill and collect themselves. While Harry and Niall needed it to fix their problems, find each other again. And they would, hearing Perrie state it so plainly, it was so simple. Of course they would find their way back to each other because two people who love each other as much as Niall and Harry don’t just lose their way. Maybe they get sidetracked, take unmarked, scenic routes, the long way round but they’ll always make it home, to each other. He was sure of that now. They’ll take their detours, muddle through the hurt and the pain but come out stronger in the end. They’re Niall and Harry so how could they not?

He’s got a huge smile plastered on his face for the rest of their conversation, just content to listen to Perrie’s voice, hear her laugh as she recalls the stupid thing Jesy and Jade got up to at their photo shoot. Happiness filled his heart thinking about Perrie, his girl, his beautiful girl, he felt lighter than he had in days, unfortunately the feeling is fleeting because things turn sour fast later that day.

****

It doesn't start out bad. It actually starts out quite pleasant. They’re all riled up, filled to the brim with excitement because how awesome is this, an entire day dedicated to their fans where they can just be silly and chill and make the people who made all of this possible for them happy. It’s a dream come true if you ask Zayn and he’s just glad to be a part of it, glad to be sharing this moment with his best friends. He looked around the dressing room they were lounging in, Liam on the floor, Louis in a giant loveseat, Zayn, Harry and Niall on the couch, just relaxing as the anticipation built further under their skin.

He was half listening to Liam and Louis go back and forth about something, half watching Harry and Niall pretend they weren’t looking at each other, pretend they weren’t aching to be closer to one another. He wondered if they got into another fight while he was talking to Perrie but just as the thought hits him he remembered yesterday how Niall had asked Harry if they could tone things done a bit for Louis’ sake. Zayn only hoped that that’s all this was, sparing Lou’s feelings and not something else. Not another rift forming between his favorite couple.

Before he can dwell too much on it though, Niall’s twisting on the couch, his legs swing around to plop his feet in Harry’s lap, the younger boy perks up from his phone, which Zayn knows he wasn’t _actually_ paying attention too, a big hand lands on Niall’s sock clad feet. Zayn watched Niall send his boyfriend a small smile, eyes twinkling gently over at him and without any further prompting Harry begins massaging Niall’s feet, running his thumbs up and down the soles till Niall was practically purring, molded contently into the cushions of the couch. Their peace is disturbed shortly after when Paul came in saying that they had a visitor.

Four pairs of curious eyes turned to meet Paul's in the doorway because they weren’t having any special guests till later in the show, who was here and why were they so early? 

That was when Zayn had the smarts to look to Harry who looked happy, excited even with only the barest hint of guilt under his wide smile, his glinting eyes. Zayn’s blood runs cold.

 _No,_ he didn’t _._

He _wouldn’t._

And before any of them could say anything or ask any questions in walked the literal  _last_  person Zayn wanted to see today. He heard Niall's breath catch as Kendall came into the room with her long hair and long legs and pretty face. Harry jumped up from the couch like he wasn't even sorry, like he didn't even care that her presence would affect Niall in a negative way.

They met in a hug, friendly and sweet but Zayn knew that to Niall it would look like betrayal in its most tawdry form. When he turned to his newly lilac haired friend he saw what he expected, a face twisted in pain, in hurt, in confusion, his eyes squeezed shut before he too got up from the long couch he had been sprawled across.

"Hi Kendall," Niall said to the girl still smiling shyly at Harry, she turned quickly to greet Niall as well.

"How are you," Niall asked with tight professionalism, the slightest hitch in his voice. Zayn knew him well enough to hear it, to Kendall it would merely sound like a sore throat if it sounded off at all.

"I'm good thanks," she responded while Zayn saw Louis stand, shoulders set, hands balled into loose fists at his sides. "Are you feeling better," Niall quirked an eyebrow at the question. "Harry said you weren't feeling well, that’s why you didn't come to the party last night,"

"Oh yeah that," he said but his gaze was fixed solely on Harry. "Yeah I'm loads better thanks," fake smile set on his face as he stared at Harry with an expression Zayn never thought he'd see from Niall, and certainly not from Niall to Harry.

It was a mixture of confusion, shock, hurt and maybe even a pinch of disgust. As if he didn't recognize the guy standing in front of him, like he was a stranger to his eyes. And last of all, fear. Fear because what did it mean that Harry was lying about him, lying to Kendall about him, making up stories so he didn't have to explain things too much? What did it mean that he was sparing her feelings while tossing Niall's to the wind, the hell with Niall and his tender, pathetic feelings, right?

Nothing good that's what it meant. 

Zayn understood him not telling Kendall about he and Niall as a couple because they told as few people as possible, managements orders. It makes sense that Harry wouldn't tell Kendall but there was just something about this. Something about it set Zayn’s teeth on edge, like Harry was more concerned about Kendall being secure and happy than about Niall who certainly was not secure and definitely _not_ happy.

Their Niall, Harry's Niall who was growing more and more discontent by the second, and Harry didn’t seem to care. He claimed he did but where was he when it counted, wrapped around Kendall’s finger? No that’s not right. None of this was right.

Now Zayn won’t even claim to understand the fake-relationship thing because he has no idea how difficult that really is on Harry. He’s never been in that position, he can’t even imagine how hard it was to balance his real relationship and the one management forced on him every year, keep the real one intact while trying to maintain a decent level of believability in the other one. That sounds like a nightmare, one Zayn’s glad he never had to endure, and is sorry that Harry has to at least once a year. And because he’s never been in that situation himself, Zayn feels bad for getting angry at Harry where his relationships are concerned because one really is out of his control; he’s not doing this to hurt anyone, not doing it to make Niall suffer. That being said, shouldn't he notice that Niall is suffering; shouldn't he be making more of an effort to keep his real relationship intact? Why let the love that’s gonna be there long after Kendall’s gone go by the wayside in favor of a fling that isn't supposed to last beyond New Year? Zayn won’t claim to understand any of this because he doesn’t and he probably never will but that doesn’t stop him from being frustrated by this whole thing. And that frustration is only made worse by how Niall is hurting through all this.

Liam came up to say hello to Kendall, all genuine Liam smiles and warm puppy dog eyes, Louis was a little less authentic but Zayn didn't think anyone noticed. He leaned over to Niall, whispered “Footie before we start,” against Niall’s ear and that seemed to be enough to distract him from the arm Harry draped loosely around Kendall’s shoulder but not enough to piece back together the shards of his heart Harry had left scattered around. With a deep breath he left the room with his head held high, Louis right on his heels.

Zayn and Liam left shortly after that, leaving Harry and Kendall in the dressing room, if they noticed that they were trying to get away from them they certainly didn't show it. Zayn didn't know if that was a good or bad thing.

He didn't know a lot of things anymore.

****

Hour 3 of 1dday brought with it jealousy of epic proportions.  
Zayn watched as Harry's eyes averted to the side, face contorted with something like distaste. He gripped the back of Harry's t-shirt, yanked to drag him back from the edge of stupidity while resisting the urge to do something reckless to his curly haired friend. Smack him around a little bit because really Harry? Really?

He understood where Harry was coming from, kinda. Seeing Louis dancing with Niall probably looked bad to him, especially when you took into account Lou’s feelings towards Niall. Still Harry acting this way when he had the nerve to bring Kendall was ridiculous. He had some nerve to look the way he did in that moment, like he wanted to pull somebody’s guts from their body out their ass, anyone who dared to get close enough to him would be in serious danger.  
  
It was scoff worthy really, when one considered Harry’s actions today, it was blasphemous. He had asked Kendall there when he knew, when he  _fucking knew_  that Niall was having a hard time, wouldn't be too keen on her presence today of all days. She didn't have to be there, it wasn't a public thing, it wouldn't be broadcasted or announced that she was there so Zayn didn't see how Harry could use this as a publicity thing because how could he...this wasn't something they'd be sharing with the world that Kendall was here today to share this with them. 

This wasn't management, this wasn't pressure from the media or pressure from the fans, no this was Harry, all Harry.

Zayn didn't know whether he wanted to deck him, yell till he snapped out of it or just stare at him because he can't even understand this, he can't comprehend what's happening right here.  
Harry's jealous, visibly so watching Louis twirl Niall across the set, more than a foot of platonic space between them. If he was really watching he’d see how Lou was trying his damndest not to step on anyone’s toes here, he really was trying. It was so clearly a goofy move for the fans and totally  _not_  a jab at Harry. Zayn had to put a serious effort into holding back the glare because what? Harry was jealous now even when he had the audacity to invite Kendall today, to spend time with him even though he knows how Niall feels about this entire situation. It's...it's, it's terrible. Really it seemed so bad to Zayn how Harry goes around with those big, innocent eyes of his, sheds a few tears and they all forgive him because he's Harry and he's genuinely a good guy, he's not doing it on purpose. He isn't breaking Niall's heart on purpose, isn't crushing his courage and stomping all over his confidence because he wants to. No of course not Harry would never, he loves Niall.

Zayn's quick to defend Harry too, they all are but this...Zayn's not so sure anymore. Harry did this, Harry did this with the knowledge of how it would make Niall feel because they'd talked about it last night and still, he'd let her be here. He fucking invited her!  
Zayn's not so sure about Harry and his sincerity and his values as a loving, dependable, devoted boyfriend. He wouldn't do this to Niall and yet here he is. He's did it, he's still doing it.  
And suddenly like a light is being turned on, clouds parting on a cloudy day Zayn gets why Niall's been so hesitant, so frightened and guarded. 

Harry's allowing Kendall into their lives with little to no prompting from the guys upstairs, he really is doing this because he wants to not because he has to. He's letting her in to the secure little bubble where they live and love and have happiness in abundance for whatever reason, Zayn doesn't know. If he doesn't have feelings for her like he's claimed a hundred times then why is he letting her in? What could it be? Is there even any other alternative here? It makes Zayn's stomach roll, tumble uncomfortably as bile begins to rise in his throat. A pang of guilt and dread rushes through him because holy crap, how must Niall be feeling? Really, he's getting a taste but this is probably _nothing_ compared to how it is for Niall.

And in that moment Zayn’s not sure he wanted to know Harry’s reasoning. Not sure it would make this better knowing what he’s got going on in that head of his. The only thing that makes sense to him right now is that Niall was right, he was right all along and he’s hurt and he needs Zayn and the boys now more than ever because this isn’t over. This with Kendall is far from over.

Shit, Zayn wished Niall had slapped Harry instead of Louis yesterday. That boy needed some serious sense smacked into him.

****

The rest of the day is relatively uneventful. The Narry hour goes off without a hitch, they’re perfect and flawless and every person in the room is captivated by their dynamic, their presence. It’s like it’s meant to be. For a whole hour things are perfect. Zayn’s reminded of the effortless, happy couple he loves. They’re like they were always meant to be, there’s no pain, no hurt, no girlfriend looming in the corner, no tears blurring vision, it’s just them. And they interact and look at each other like there’s nobody else in the whole world. They goof around and smile to each other without a care and Zayn watched Liam breathe a sigh of relief because for this moment in time things were genuinely good.

They reenacted the scene from Ghost and it's kinda perfect. He felt like he should look away because should they really be watching this? But because he's Zayn and he's hopeless when it comes to those two, he didn't look away. He took it all in, allowed his heart to feel the love in the room, thrumming between them endlessly because if this ending when the hour was up well at least this could be a bright spot in this day, this week that's been rather dark as of late.

And they leave the stage after their hours up, Zayn watched Harry pull Niall into a shadowed corner, just out of sight of the cameras and crew. Watched their bodies press together till their forms were indistinguishable, averted his eyes so they could have a moment to themselves, those seemed so rare for them these days. They were always spread so thin among too many people and too many obligations, allowed them to have this where for a short while nothing could touch them, in their own world they were safe, sound. He longed for a day for them where they didn't have to love among the shadows, one day they’d be able to love freely, openly. There would be no fake relationships, no hiding away; they’d be perfect for the world just like they were for each other anyways. He looked back in time to see Niall walk away, down the hall with a grinning Harry following shortly after.

He shut his eyes, lets the peace fill him up, he feels a lot like a slinky, tumbling endlessly, from emotion to emotion, back and forth, falling then springing back. It’s exhausting but right now he’s full of energy, he could take on the world. But for now he’ll settle for entertaining hundreds of thousands of fans for an hour, it’s a tough job but somebody’s gotta do it.

****

When he entered his hotel room after the broadcast he knew something was off. It was quiet, too quiet and that couldn't be good because he knew Niall came up here followed closely by Harry who seemed content enough, Zayn hoped that meant good things. Maybe tonight would be a good night, but hopefully not too good, he really needed some sleep after today.

He shuffled down the hall into the room, freezing when he heard it, hushed voices from the bedroom.

“No Harry,”

“Niall I didn't-”

“No you didn't Harry, Jesus why didn't you tell me? I really would've appreciated the heads up.” Zayn’s left wondering what the hell happened since they left the studio, everything seemed fine. He missed something, he definitely missed something big.  

“Honestly sweets, I didn't even remember until we were in the car to the studio and she texted me. And then I didn't know how to tell you,” their voices were getting louder now.

“Oh gee how about ‘Hey Ni I invited my pseudo girlfriend to the live-stream today, hope that’s cool,’”

Zayn waited with bated breath for Harry’s response to that but nothing came. He heard Niall released a long groan, heard Harry splutter out an apology, clearly grasping at straws.

“I can’t do this,” Niall sighed after another long moment. Zayn’s skin broke out in goose bumps as a phantom chill ran through the room at those words. “I’m gonna stay in my room tonight,”

“Niall,” Harry sounded like he was choking, “I’m sorry,”

“I know Harry, you’re always sorry,” Niall said voice thick, “You’re always saying you’re sorry but actions speak louder than words and right now everything you do is the opposite of what you’re saying.”

He left with that, nearly colliding with Zayn in living area of his suite, “Sorry Z,” the desperation in his eyes had Zayn chasing after him.

No one was in Louis and Niall’s shared room but Zayn remembered that he and Liam had said they were going to find something for dinner that didn’t come off a room service trolley. He watched quietly as Niall raked his hands through his lilac hair. Niall looked rather disheveled when he turned around to face Zayn, his heart broke for his friend at the frustration he saw plain across his face.

“I’m fine,” Niall said, “I’m okay, jeez, you all follow me around like I’m some basket case,” a tired laugh followed that comment. Zayn made to answer but Niall kept going, beating him to the punch “Well, I guess maybe I am, in some ways.”

“Jesus what’s wrong with me,” he laughed sardonically, the sound went straight through Zayn.

He took two steps forward, wrapped his arms around Niall’s back, pulling him into a tight hug, “Nothing, there’s nothing wrong with you,”

Niall took a minute to catch his breath, “I’m just so done Z,” Niall whispered, head buried in his shoulder, his arms reached up to squeeze him back. “I know I’m blowing all of this out of proportion and it’s ridiculous but I can’t help it. God Zayn, am I just completely pathetic or what? I mean I shouldn't be feeling like this right…I should just suck it up and trust him, right? He’s my boyfriend, I love him and I've gotta trust him, I know that, _oh my god_ ,”

Zayn took a deep breath, his lungs fought against it, throat tightened around it. His fingers curled around the back of Niall’s head, cradling his skull as he worked through the short hairs there at the nape of his neck.

 “You’re not being ridiculous. Or pathetic or anything else Ni I promise,” he reassured his friend and was reminded of something his mom and grandma used to tell him growing up, his thoughts made him smile softly. “Ya know what my mom used to tell me,” Zayn asked as he flicked his gaze to peer at his shorter friend.

Niall shook his head, turned big teary eyes on him, pulled out of his arms to stare up at him.

“That you never have to justify you’re feelings to anyone. They’re legitimate simply because you feel them. Nobody can tell you you’re wrong for feeling this way, Niall, its how you feel, you’re hurt and that’s not wrong either.”

He watched Niall sniff, his lip wobbled briefly before he sunk his teeth into it viciously, clearly angry at himself for wanting to cry again, he’s done so much crying these past few days. He ended up with his arms full of Niall again, blonde head tucked under his chin, fingers clinging to his shoulders through his t-shirt, Zayn squeezed him back just as hard, knowing that Niall needed this. Needed this comfort, this closeness or he’d fall apart.

So he held him tight, kissed his head, wondered what happened to make Niall upset again when he seemed relatively okay after they wrapped at the studio. He’d figure it out, but not tonight. Zayn was needed here now; he’d ask him later, tomorrow maybe.

But his point is proved because here he is, again. Zayn’s reminded of a slinky, falling down the stairs, he’s a slinky. He’s falling down the stairs. And right now, Niall’s tumbling right with him.


	12. The Night of the Twenty Sixth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Go pack Zayn,” Niall sighed, his back was turned on Zayn as he folded a pair of pants, rolled two socks together before tucking them into one of the pockets, “I’m okay.” Yeah you might be okay but you’re not fine, not at all, not by a long shot, Zayn thought.  
> He turned his head, dull eyes met Zayn’s across the room, “Really I’m okay, go ahead. Lou’ll be back any minute now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been a while since I updated, this story got harder and harder for me to write as I went on but I'm making a valiant effort and trying to write more than one chapter at a time so I can stay on top of things...or a little more on top of things.

Zayn sent Niall to take a shower shortly after his tears subsided and he managed to stop shaking, hoping a hot shower would calm him down, make him feel better. He fiddled with his phone while he waited; keeping his ears open in case Niall needed him for something.

He contemplated calling Perrie or maybe Doniya because it’d been a while since they actually talked but just as he was pulling up his contacts, Niall emerged with a towel hanging around his shoulders, his skin was tinged pink from the hot water and his previously lilac hair was mostly back to its dirty blonde. He looked better, seemed a little more stable which was good. Zayn also noticed that his eyes weren’t nearly as swollen as he was expecting, and if Zayn didn’t know better he would never had guessed that Niall had been crying. After Niall got dried and changed he plopped himself down on his bed, snuggled deep into the pillows, looking content and ready for sleep. Zayn didn’t blame him.

He wondered if maybe he should try to ask Niall if he wanted to talk some more, if maybe he wanted to discuss what Harry had said that started all this again but figured that conversation was still better left for later, he’d just calmed down there was no sense bringing it up again.

A sharp knock on the door startled both Zayn and Niall out of their peaceful silence, Zayn rolled off Louis’ bed to answer the door, expecting Louis who’d maybe forgot his key or even Harry who just seemed unable to let the matter drop for the night. The guy would never learn.

Zayn wasn’t, however, expecting Preston when he opened the door and wasn’t able to school his mildly shocked expression.

The older man offered Zayn a smile and an eyebrow raise which confused Zayn a little. “Niall in there with you yeah,” Zayn nodded before opening the door wider to allow Preston inside 

“Your bags aren’t packed,” his statement made Niall sit up.

“I thought we had an early flight tomorrow,” Niall asked, Zayn tried not to flinch at the strained, hoarse sound of his voice. If Preston noticed he didn’t say anything, bless him.

“Got moved up, possible inclement weather tomorrow over the mid-west so we’re leaving tonight to miss it. Gotta be in New York by 7:00 at the latest for the show, no room for any delays so chop-chop, buses leave in an hour,” Niall and Zayn shared a brief look, their security team was always rushing them around, keeping a tight schedule, making it seem like if they were late, they’d leave without one of them. Zayn still got a small kick out of that, as if they would ever leave any one of them behind, One Direction minus 1/5, how would that go over? The thought always makes him laugh, and apparently it does for Niall too because he appeared to be stifling laughter as Preston grumbled about finding Louis and Liam.

Niall let out a small huff as he went about collecting his things, not that there was that much out of his suitcase, he appeared to be just going through the motions. Zayn assumed this was a distraction from his thoughts, keeping his hands occupied helped settle his chaotic mind. He took a step in the direction of the door, looked back at Niall after doing so and stood still wondering if he should leave him alone, if he’d be okay for the short time it would take for Louis to come back. 

“Go pack Zayn,” Niall sighed, his back was turned on Zayn as he folded a pair of pants, rolled two socks together before tucking them into one of the pockets, “I’m okay.” Yeah you might be okay but you’re not fine, not at all, not by a long shot, Zayn thought.

He turned his head, dull eyes met Zayn’s across the room, “Really I’m okay, go ahead. Lou’ll be back any minute now.”

Zayn nodded, not entirely convinced but not willing to start anything. “Okay,” he shook his head again more for his own benefit, “Okay, okay, call me if you need anything,” he didn’t know why he’d said that. He wanted to reassure his best friend but felt like he was patronizing him a bit and that probably annoyed Niall to no end, more than he would ever say out loud.

“I will Z, promise,” Niall smiled, he paused where he was folding a jumper, Zayn watched his hands tense in the fabric and wondered what he was thinking. Upon further inspection, he realized that the article of clothing was Harry’s. Though they all shared clothes and more often than not they ended up with more of each other’s clothes than their own in their bags when going from one city to the next, he figured holding Harry’s shirt in his hands brought all sorts of thoughts about the younger boy back when he might’ve just been able to stop dwelling on him for a bit. Zayn watched his jaw tick shortly before Niall shook his head, rolled up the jumper and stuffed it among the rest of his things, swallowing down whatever emotion had just threatened to overtake him.

Zayn frowned to himself, decided to stop hovering and go pack his own things. “See you later then, yeah,” Niall nodded with a small grin as Zayn backed out of the room, nearly knocking into Louis as he came barreling through the door. “Oh hey Zayn, sorry,” a smile was plastered across Louis’ face that Zayn hadn't seen on him in what felt like ages. Part of him wanted to ask what was up but a bigger part of him knew he really needed to get his stuff together, if it was important enough Louis would tell him later anyways.

He watched Louis continue into the room, listened as he called out for Niall in this goofy voice that had Zayn wanting to crack up laughing. “Niall, Niall I just saw the best thing, holy shit, you won’t believe this,” Zayn continued out of the room, Louis’ voice became a slight rumble as he opened the door to leave and just as he was closing it behind him he heard Niall bust out into peals of laughter, the sound made him smile, only Louis made him laugh like that. Well Harry could as well but he hadn't really been making Niall laugh that much recently. He walked away knowing Niall was in good hands, wondered what Louis had said that caused such a reaction but more than that he worried that their hysterics would make them late. The bus might not leave without them but Paul would definitely skin them if they were late for their plane.

***

His phone rang just as he was reaching for his key card. Perrie’s name and goofy picture of them making funny faces at the camera popped up and Zayn wondered if his fiancé had a sixth sense when it came to him, she always knew exactly when he needed to talk her, hear her voice. Maybe she had felt him contemplating calling her not even 20 minutes prior.

“Hey love you alright,”

Perrie’s soft laughter filled his ear and just like that he felt instantly better. He smiled, leaned back against the wall; he could take a few minutes to talk with her. He needed it.

“ _Hi hun, how are you_ ,”

“Good,” he sighed, just glad to be hearing her voice at all, today had been hellacious and Zayn didn’t imagine it would be getting better anytime soon, which bummed him out like nothing else.

“ _Niall okay_ ,” she asked next, tone soft and wary, as if she wasn’t sure she wanted to broach the subject.

“Oh I get it; you called to check on Niall, not me.”

She laughed, “ _Zayn you know that’s not true_!” He joined in on her laughter, it felt good to smile and be happy, usually Niall and Harry had that kind of positive affect on him but right now Perrie was more than enough to stabilize him, lift his spirits while still keeping him grounded. He was incredibly lucky to have her.

“I’m just teasing you love,” he whispered listening to her hum in agreement. Zayn wished she was there; he could really use a hug, after today all he wanted was to breathe her in, fall asleep with her arms wrapped around him. Thank god they had a small break coming up; he was verging on desperate here.

She sighed after a few quiet moments; Zayn knew she had something to say, something she called him specifically to talk about. And if her question earlier was any indication that something was probably Niall.

“ _So I watched the livestream, you were great_.”

“Thanks, it was a lot of fun,” he watched a door down the hall open and Paul emerge with a couple bags on his arm, he tapped at his wrist as way of letting Zayn know they were under a time crunch, so don’t dally. He waved at him and assumed he knew whom he was talking to because he nodded his head and waved back, continued down the hall with his luggage.

Zayn could hear her talking and felt bad for being distracted and focused back in to her recalling her favorite moments of the day, she giggled when she talked about how Jesy nearly peed her pants laughing at the Talk Dirty music video they made.

“ _They seemed okay,”_

Zayn flinched.

“They weren’t.”

Zayn heard her inhale quickly, “ _What happened_ ,” she sounded so sad to hear it that he almost didn’t elaborate but she’d just keep asking, they didn’t keep secrets so he took a deep breath and told her the truth.

“Kendall was there,”

“ _Oh no_ ,”

“Yeah and none of us knew she would be so we were completely blindsided, Niall was pissed,”

“ _Of course he was,”_

“And then, well you saw Niall and Lou dancing during their bit yeah,”

“ _Yeah_ ,” she laughed softly.

“Well I actually had to physically restrain Harry from storming the set and clawing Lou’s eyes out.”

 _“Wait, he was mad about the dancing_ ,”

“Yeah I guess. And I was ticked because he had the nerve to bring Kendall there when he knew what it would do to Niall and then he was pissed at Lou for nothing.”

“ _Well he’s worried that Louis and Niall have something more_ ,”

“Niall’s worried too Perrie, he’s terrified that he’s gonna lose Harry.”

“ _I’m not saying he isn’t babe I’m just trying to be the voice of reason here…you probably don’t have one of those around there.”_

She was right, he didn’t, he and Liam were usually that for the others but lately everything was just so messed up, nobody knew what was going on. Nobody knew what to say for fear of starting a fight or making things worse.

“ _They’re fighting constantly and they’re both mad at each other for being with somebody else, they’re both in the same boat ya know? Niall’s mad at Harry for being with Kendall. And Harry’s mad at Niall for allowing Louis close to him and probably worried that something could happen there if he doesn’t keep an eye on it.”_

“I get that I do, I know that neither of them are completely innocent in all this but if we have to place blame on one person, it would be on Harry. He just doesn’t seem to get it. Like he says he understands where Niall’s coming from then he turns around and does some more damage. When’s enough, enough? When Niall walks away from him completely? I just, I mean I know Harry doesn’t want to lose Niall but everything he’s doing is saying the exact opposite of that.”

Perrie was quiet for a few moments; he listened to her soft breathing. Then out of nowhere Zayn was hit by of wave of misery, random and unforeseen, he missed her so desperately he just wanted to be with her right this minute and never let her go. 

“ _It’s just a bad situation but it won’t last forever Z don’t forget that_.”

He hummed in answer, not having any words for her at the moment. She was right though, it wouldn’t last forever. Just a couple more weeks’ maybe and it would be over for Harry and Kendall. Zayn just didn’t know if Niall could make it that long. Harry’s luck may be almost out and Niall might not be there when he finally wises up and says goodbye to Kendall. The sad truth of that thought made him long for Perrie’s touch once again, he needed to see her smile close up and in person, he needed to hold her hands and feel her lips on his face. He needed the comfort that only she could give him. And it was maddening to think that he had a wait just a little bit longer.

Zayn could hear her smile in her voice the next time she spoke, “ _I can’t wait to see you_.”

“Me either love, miss you more and more every day.” He delighted in the light laugh his words drew from her. If Zayn closed his eyes it was like she was sitting right beside him laughing in his ear.

They talked for a little bit longer, Perrie told him about how her Nana was already getting ready for Christmas and was wondering if Zayn would be joining them for dinner. And then Zayn got her laughing about Safaa’s latest gym class horror story.

He left her reluctantly, he did actually have to pack and he didn’t feel like being the last one ready to catch their flight. So with a few ‘I love you’s’ and a ‘good luck tomorrow I’ll text you in the morning,’ Zayn sighed, it was a few moments after the line clicked from her end before he pocketed his phone. He felt pathetic, not even 5 minutes had passed and Zayn missed her voice more than words could express.

He blamed it on everything that was going on with Niall and Harry and Kendall and Louis and was mildly disturbed when he realized just how much this was affecting him.

***

Zayn was cautious when returning to his and Harry's room, fearing slightly what he might find there.

Would Harry be a wreck or would he be fine? Zayn wasn't sure. Would he pretend nothing had happened; would he down play everything like he had been doing? Pretend he hadn't, yet again, set off a bomb on Niall's world or would he fess up? Zayn's main problem with all this was that Harry was 'sorry' to his face, apologizing up and down to Niall and the rest of them and then turned around and continued with the same shit he was apparently _so_ torn up about. Niall was right. He definitely wasn't acting sorry. Actions speak louder than words, and Harry’s actions were definitely speaking louder than his words.

And that led to Zayn being ticked at him. For this, whatever he'd most recently said that got Niall so worked up, for inviting Kendall earlier today, for saying he was sorry and not meaning it. He was just fed up with Harry and his poor choices and for putting Kendall Jenner above Niall, for placing her above the one person he's claimed to love more than anything. It was just annoying. And he saw now where Niall had been coming from, he got it and he was sick of it. So sick of it in fact that Harry better watch what he says to him because Zayn might not have complete control of himself right now. 

Harry was in his room, sorting through his bags, packing everything up. He seemed distracted, it was a little like déjà vu, he’d watched Niall going through the same motions, mechanically folding his clothes, pausing on some items, a sweatshirt, a pair of shorts, a t-shirt, all belonging to Niall. Harry shook his head before tucking them into the bag with the rest of his clothing.

Zayn wasn’t sure Harry even knew he was there. He hadn’t acknowledged him yet. Zayn picked up a loose sock from the floor, no idea whose it was but they all need socks, so he’d take it and wear it if nobody claimed it.

He nearly jumped out of his skin when Harry spoke. His raspy voice cut through the room, Zayn shivered, he sounded like he’d been yelling, or crying, probably both. “You mad at me too?”

"Harry-" - "-Are you?” _Yes,_ but Zayn didn’t say that, Harry probably already knew the answer. This was just Harry working through his thoughts, his feelings and Zayn was just lucky enough to be here to witness it all.

“I mean I screwed up I know that. I can't seem to do anything right. I try to make things convincing with Kendall and it backfires with Niall. I try to make Niall happy and it backfires with you or Louis or Liam and practically everyone else. I can't fucking win. It’s exhausting."

Zayn was quiet for a few moments, taking in Harry’s words. At least Harry knew he was screwing up all over the place that was a positive thing. But Zayn worried about what it would take for Harry to actually _stop_ screwing up, get his shit together and be better.

Zayn took a deep breath; gaze working over Harry’s hunched shoulders and dejected expression. He refused to feel bad for Harry. He did this, it was all his fault, he had nobody else to blame for this one, Niall walking out on him, that was all Harry’s doing and Zayn simply would not feel bad for him. He wouldn’t, nope, not at all. Only problem was that Zayn was never able to ignore the sad bottom lip, that always got him and Harry had a damn good sad bottom lip. "I just don't get why you asked her there today Harry? Why do that, especially after last night I thought we'd sorted things?" And he honestly thought they had, Zayn thought the conversation they had had right here in their room, with Niall sleeping in Harry’s bed had fixed things. They had a good talk, Zayn was honest and Harry seemed earnest in his regret but it was obvious that he either wasn’t listening was too drunk to really retain any information he was given or didn’t care about what was being said.

"Niall doesn't get it either." Zayn resisted the urge the scoff at that because _duh._ Of course he doesn’t get it, how can Harry expect him to. "Well he kinda has a right to be confused. I told you what he'd said to help you, so you could fix things, not take the information and self-destruct." "I know,” Harry groaned. Hands scrubbed through his hair viciously. "Do you Harry? Do you know because I'm really starting to think that you don’t?" Harry’s head whipped up to look at him, he looked wounded, guilty, sad, withdrawn and a handful of other things that Zayn didn’t feel bad about. Harry deserved to hurt a little bit, especially after the shit he pulled earlier. Bringing Kendall to 1DDay what the hell was he thinking, in what twisted universe did that seem like a good thing to do? "He's right." "Who's right?” "Niall,” Harry sighed, paused took a deep breath, “and Louis." "What do you- I don’t understand.”

Harry’s quiet for a long time and Zayn figured they were just letting the conversation drop. And honestly at this point if Harry didn’t want to talk anymore, Zayn wasn’t going to make him, he didn’t need to sit here and listen to this. He wasn’t even sure Harry meant it, wasn’t sure he trusted a single word that was coming out of his mouth. But just as Zayn was making his way to his side of the room, intent on packing up his own stuff Harry decided to speak, his voice is a whisper, "I like spending time with her.”

What?

Oh.

No.

Nope.

No way.

He hadn’t heard that right, he couldn’t have. There was no way.

“What,” he whispered but didn’t actually feel himself say it, it just came out.

Harry took a deep breath, his shoulders and hands started to shake. Zayn watched guilt wash over Harry’s face, heavy and ugly; he dreaded what Harry was going to say next. It couldn’t be good, it wouldn’t be good.

“I have feelings for Kendall,”

_No._

_Fucking._

The words echoed in his head.

The dreadful, heart-wrenching words, _I have feelings for Kendall_. That’s what he said. Harry had just admitted it. Five simple words and suddenly Zayn couldn’t breathe and what? How? When did this happen?  Did he have these feelings when they started ‘going out’, was it brand new, did they develop yesterday or last week or earlier than that? Was this for real? Had Harry really been lying about it, covering it up and hoping nobody saw through it? Was that what he’d said to Niall…in their room, was that what had made Niall break down? Was that what this was all about? Had he finally come clean about everything? Did Niall finally get the truth out of Harry and then wish he hadn’t even asked? Zayn wished he didn’t. He could’ve gone his whole life not knowing about Harry’s feelings, his so called ‘not-feelings’. 

 _I have feelings for Kendall._ How was this possible?

Just when Zayn was thinking this situation could not get any worse, now Harry liked spending time with her, Harry had feelings for her, actual, real feelings and Niall knew it. Niall knew it, Louis knew it, they all suspected it and it was true and Harry just confirmed it and fuck. Fuck, this wasn’t good at all. This was horrible, this was a nightmare.

Harry barreled on, looking crazed and like if he didn’t say all this right now he never will. The truth came pouring out like Harry couldn’t stop it; Zayn imagined he didn’t want to, finally getting the truth out there; maybe he’d finally stop lying. It was all so screwed up, so screwed up, how did this even happen? How did they get here? How did they become this? What a mess.

“Like I actually really enjoy being around her, a lot, she’s fun and sweet and she loves to laugh. She reminds me a lot of Niall,” Harry snorted, his voice verging on hysterics. “And that’s crazy, like completely insane because nobody's like Niall, he’s one of a kind but...I don't know, I just don’t know anything."

Zayn gaped at him, stunned. He felt like throwing up, this wasn’t actually happening, right? Somebody was going to jump out of the closet and yell ‘gotcha,’ or Niall was gonna come crashing into the room with Lou and Liam on his heels and laugh at him, Niall would kiss Harry and tell Zayn that he’s a gullible idiot and everything would be fine.

None of that happened though. He stood there staring at Harry, one of his best friends and didn’t recognize him. Who was this guy? Where was Harry? Harry who would jump off bridges and swim with sharks and eat spiders if Niall asked him to. Where’s the Harry that was so arse over tits for Niall that he couldn’t even form proper sentences sometimes, just laughed and blushed and kissed his boyfriend.

Zayn couldn’t do it, he cracked.

"Are you fucking kidding me right now? You like her. Holy- you actually do like her," Harry recoiled like Zayn had slapped him but didn’t say a word to deny his claims. "Maybe, a little bit, I don’t know, it’s not a lot and not...it’s not-" "It's not what Harry," Now Zayn was pissed. "It's not like how it is with Niall okay." _Well it better fucking not be_! Zayn wanted to allow that statement to make him feel better but he couldn’t feel good about this. He just couldn’t, maybe it was a good thing that Harry was aware his feelings weren’t like how they were with Niall but Zayn couldn’t see it. This was all just too much, how could he feel good about any of this? It was something Zayn supposed _but_ Harry still had feelings for Kendall and that in and of itself was too much. Zayn didn’t think it mattered much how strong they were, how prominent, the fact that they existed was enough. And then there was how Harry consistently denied it every chance he got. He kept her around; kept bringing her around, kept falling harder for her while Niall sat by falling to pieces. 

Although Zayn knew that if Harry had told them it wouldn’t have helped anything. It would have made everything worse but right now, that didn’t really matter. What mattered was that he had feelings for his winter girlfriend and Niall knew this was coming, poor Niall. What were they gonna do?

Harry took a breath, shook his head, bit his lip and continued. “It wasn’t like this the whole time, I mean we started as friends, just strictly friends. I knew she liked me more than that but I wasn’t willing to let it go further ya know?” Well yeah? You have a boyfriend Harry! Zayn nodded, he felt numb.

“So we kept talking, hanging out, and then things just shifted. Niall got mad and things just changed for me.”

Zayn glared at him, “don’t you dare blame him for this.”

Harry shook his head, held up his hands, “M’not, m’not I just, shit Z I’m not, this isn’t his fault I know it isn’t, I’m just trying to explain how this all happened.”

Zayn didn’t respond to that just kept sending daggers at Harry’s dumb curly hair and his dumb sad face, god he was so dumb.

“Not that I really know how it happened, it just did. I mean I wasn’t expecting it,” Harry mumbled, fingers tangled together, knuckles white. He took a deep breath, his voice came out tight and pinched when he started speaking again, “I didn’t ask for this Zayn.”

Zayn felt his stomach twist at the sound of Harry’s voice. When he looked at him, really looked at him, he saw a mirror image of Niall, dark circles beneath dull eyes, his eye lids were shiny and bruised, he appeared to be holding back tears. His cheeks were hollow, his skin was pale and he looked almost skeletal which wasn’t like Harry at all. He didn’t look healthy and he probably hadn’t been eating, he definitely wasn’t sleeping. He and Niall really were in the same boat, just like Perrie had pointed out.

As mad as he was at Harry right now he couldn’t help but feel bad for him too, this wasn’t Harry, standing in front of him. This was a scared, broken copy, just like Niall was a devastated shell of himself. They were both so far gone and the only way they were going to get better was with each other. Unfortunately Zayn didn’t see that happening anytime soon, especially if Niall knew about Harry’s feelings for Kendall, he would want nothing to do with Harry if he knew about that.

Harry wiped at his eyes, his already long fingers looked like nothing but bone, covered in a paper thin layer of pasty skin. He heaved a sigh as he wiped his nose with the back of his hand.

“If I wasn't already nuts about Niall I could see myself with Kendall, like legitimately. If I wasn't already in love with Niall I could see myself falling for her and it's so bad.” A few tears made their way down Harry’s face, Zayn watched them drop and dot on his shirt. “And I’m not blaming him but Niall keeps pushing me away and I can feel us growing apart and every time I try to get close again something goes wrong and I'm terrified that soon I'm not gonna have it in me to resist. I can feel it happening Zayn and I'm scared. I have feelings for her and I wanna fight them but then there's Niall fighting me and Louis fighting me for Niall and I know he said he'd stop but I don't think he will and I just don't know what to do."  


“Harry, how did -”

“I don’t know! It just sort of happened, I mean that's not an excuse but there it is. And it's been eating me up but I haven't said anything because who would that help. I mean I don't wanna hurt him more than I already have so...I kept it to myself, and I swear they're not even that strong, they're nothing really but...they're there.” Harry cried, he covered his face and Zayn wanted to hug him but also shove him. He stayed put, fearing what he’d actually do.

“So he was right, Niall was right. Are you sure?”

“Yeah, yeah I’m sure. I know it’s terrible,” Harry lowered his head, “I know it is and I feel awful but I didn’t ask for this okay, I didn’t!” And just like that his sympathy for Harry was gone and he snapped.

“Neither did Niall!” Zayn yelled at him, “He didn’t want any of this to happen, he doesn’t want to lose you. He doesn’t want any of this Harry Jesus.”

“I don’t want to lose him either,” Harry sniffled, “Do you really think I want that? I would have nothing without him,”

“Then why are you still with her Harry?” Harry didn’t say anything. “Why when you know damn well it’s breaking his heart to see you with her are you still putting your all into your ‘relationship’ with her? Why keep parading her around him? Why do it when your _real_ relationship is going by the wayside? You keeping her around isn’t doing anyone any good and if anything it’s only making it easier for your feelings for her to grow.”

Harry was crying in earnest now, “I know Zayn but I don’t know what to do to fix it. I don’t know how to stop.”

Zayn rubbed his hands over his face, “Harry-”

“Please Zayn you have to help me,” his voice cracked as he pleaded with him, eyes huge, face hopeful but also a little broken. “You gotta help me with this; I can’t lose him, not over this. I can’t lose him but I’m going to and I can’t stop seeing her yet, I have to be with her for one more month but please help me hold onto him till this is over. Please Zayn; please I don’t know what to do.”

Zayn watched him as he carried on, he kept babbling when Zayn stayed quiet. “He’s so mad at me I just don’t know what to do to make it right, I’ve messed up and I keep messing up and he keeps pushing me away but I love him and I don’t want to hurt him but I can’t stop seeing her yet. Niall doesn’t understand that I put up with these winter girlfriends so I can keep him long term, it’ll work out for us one day I know it will but….but right now he doesn’t even want anything to do with me,”

Zayn knew that was true and he did honestly feel bad but this was Harry’s doing. Harry was weak to fight the feelings he had growing for Kendall because Niall was keeping his distance. He was vulnerable to begin with, the perfect breeding ground for something new, this something he had with Kendall. It made him think of Louis, he and Harry were dealing with the same thing, not that Zayn would ever say that to Harry, he'd never hear the end of it. Harry's eyes showed nothing but pure desperation, begging Zayn for help with a problem he created, a problem he now didn’t know how to fix. He took a deep breath, knowing he would help Harry because that meant helping Niall and he’d do anything to make this easier on Niall.

“Okay first of all Harry, take a deep breath please. I’m so not in the mood to deal with you fainting.” Harry took a shuddering breath; it was very shaky but figured that was because he just had a minor breakdown.

“Alright now, I really think you guys just need to sit down and talk about all this calmly,”

Harry twitched. “We’ve tried that and every time we do it turns into a screaming match.” Harry paused, wringing his hands together. Zayn stared at the open suitcase behind Harry; half packed with the rest of his clothes folded up ready to be put away. “This isn’t us Zayn, we’ve never been like this and now we can’t even go twenty minutes in the same room without ripping into each other. And I know that’s my fault, he’s like this because of me. I just can’t stop screwing up and when I try and make things better Niall gets angry. Talking isn’t helping us.”

“Well I still think you guys need to hash this out, once and for all. You need to lay everything out on the table and talk through this because nothing’s going to get better until you do.”

“Zayn we’ve-”

“No you really haven’t Harry, you both need to go into this with an open mind which you haven’t done. Because if you had you wouldn’t be expecting a fight before you even get one, you both need to stop being so defensive, because that’s what isn’t helping.”

Harry just stood there for a few moments, breathing deeply, staring at nothing. He shook his head, turned around and forced the pile of clothes into his bag before zipping it up and dumping it to the floor. He sat down on the bed with a huff, head hung, hands shaking as he fiddled with the rings covering his fingers.

He really didn’t look good and that worried Zayn.

“I can’t lose him, I can’t.”

He whispered it over and over again and Zayn’s mind was made up, he’d help. He was gonna help Harry fix his relationship because what they were right now was miserable and Zayn needed them to get better, together. Because what were they without Niall and Harry together and happy and fine. Lame that’s what.

He sat down beside Harry, wrapped an arm around his shoulder and tugged him close, “I’ll help ya Haz, we’ll get him back, we’ll fix you guys up okay, don’t worry.” Harry let out of this pitiful sob laugh, nodded his head against Zayn’s shoulder. The movement made Zayn’s neck wet but he just pulled Harry closer, kissed the top of his head as Harry’s hands moved to clutch at Zayn’s shirt.

“I’ll be your mediator when you guys talk and you _will_ talk because you need to. But not tonight, maybe after the show tomorrow, sound good?”

Harry made a soft sound in agreement, moved his head in what was probably meant to be a nod. His breathing evened out after a few quiet moments, Zayn shoved him off his shoulder and smiled at the shock on Harry’s face.

“No sleeping, I need to pack and you’re gonna help me because I’m helping your dumb ass get your boyfriend back.”

Harry smiled. He was slow getting up but was still smiling when he got to folding Zayn’s clothes and piling them on his bed. Zayn figured this might be the most hopeful Harry had been all day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter coming real soon...let me know what you think maybe?!


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